A Positive Thread
 

Hi All,

Just to say I went to my first Al-Anon meeting last night (well I have been to them before however that was years ago, with a different XAB).

It was great.

It was so good to feel heard and understood and not have people tell me I was wrong in what I experienced.

So I felt a lot calmer afterwards.

Today I am working on my business and it's sunny here

I decided I would start posting about my recovery and the positive things I am doing.

I'm so glad you found a good group!
I like their Day-to-Day readers, too.

MissUs,

How are you getting on?

So happy for you CarmenLove. My Alanon meeting is tonight, every Tuesday and I'm looking forward to it. I find myself getting so caught up in negative feelings and thoughts more often that I want and feel it is preventing me from really moving past all the hurt, etc.

MissUs is right on target with the daily readers. I have 2. I have been reading the "Courage to Change" and today's reading is so true. I hope it is ok to post this:

"Many of us develop a heightened awareness of our thoughts as we recover in Alanon. After a while, we are able to notice the change when our thinking becomes distorted. But if we wish to put a stop to negative thoughts, awareness is just the beginning.

When "stinking thinking" takes hold of me, I must do more than just dismiss the negative thoughts. I must replace them with something positive or I am likely to slide right back into my negative thinking."

There's more to it, but at the end "Today's Reminder" says "Today, I am going to pay close attention to what I tell myself. If necessary, I'll stop mid-thought, start over, and replace negative illusions with positive truths".

The last line really, really hits home for me. The life I thought we'd have, the man I thought he could be again.... just all kinds of thoughts on why he stopped talking to me, what he is doing, I could go on and on with random thoughts that pop into my head but they are all illusions. I have to be in the here and NOW and keep my focus on the positive TRUTHS.

I so needed to see your positive post today along with reading the above. I want to be happy, I want to be rid of my anger, betrayal, etc. I WANT to be at peace. I want to get on with MY LIFE. I don't want to be bitter. I think it's safe to say a lot of us here all want the same things, we want to heal.

So today, I will do my best to be positive and work through all of this. And, I wish you all find some form of peace in your lives today, and every day! Hugs!

So today I have the house to myself!

I am doing some work with clients, which I enjoy, then later I may do some type of dance workout (AKA jumping around my living room to music! :lala )

Then a little more work, perhaps some blogging which I enjoy.

Then later, cook myself some healthy dinner and a nice glass of wine.

And perhaps even watch a movie, as I have the TV to myself.

Bliss.

So glad you're good!
 

As with our alos recovery is day to day. it's like gym I guess. Grow stronger every dat;)

I like this quote and decided to share it here:

"I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone" ~ Robin Williams.

Good for you! I love my home group and receive a lot of wisdom around the tables. I appreciate the beauty in that it is my program to work however I wish and in my own time.

OK so today has been a toughie for me emotionally. Really feeling it today.

Since I made it clear to STBXAH that I would not be waiting around for the next year or so to see if he really is in recovery as he claims to be (not my experience though), and that what I actually said was I would be willing to DISCUSS it in some kind of mediation or marriage counselling, well he just hasn't responded.

That doesn't surprise me, I was sort of expecting that, however what I wasn't so much expecting is the effect it would have on me.

I thought I was doing OK, and I am, however I notice hurt feelings coming up that he didn't respond, and still some disbelief that this has happened. I must have been holding out some kind of hope, although that seems crazy since I left him and he is since cheating on me with someone else (if the hairbrush in the drawer is to be believed, which I think it has to be).

I know there is NO reason for disbelief, I only have to read the posts here to know that this is what addicts do. However disbelief, that my husband, the man who was so loving and present in our relationship just 8 months ago, would behave this way.

And deep sadness.

In my mind that was his last lifeline as far as our relationship goes. And he chose not to take it.

Anyway that aside this is supposed to be my POSITIVE thread so here goes -

Today I got up at a reasonable time. I did some excellent work on my business and got some things done. Really made some excellent progress.

I just had a shower and a hair wash and tonight I will be going to my Al Anon meeting.

I prepared and ate some healthy lunch, although I also ate a sausage roll afterwards (doh!). I have put on weight since this all started. I know I cannot blame him for that (oh please let me blame him!!! :-)) however this is what I have done when I feel stress and unhappy.

I know I will gradually get back in shape now.

I am just attempting to convince myself to go for a walk, I have been really good at doing this. I think I will.

That's about all for now folks.