Son called from rehab
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Son called from rehab
Well I get a call from rehab. Son sounds good at 24 days sober.. Working program says it is intense....ok then says. Why sober recovery house after mom? There are so so many people worse than me. "you have no idea". Already talking about the end of his time....I said I hope he is working program today. Work on today. One day at a time and don't judge others. Arrogant at 21. I told him everyone's bottom is not the same. Don't judge just learn. Felt the anxiety jumping in because I don't know what's gonna happen when he gets out. Nor I guess does anyone. Gotta get to a meeting today.
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Originally Posted by AWorriedFather 
This is parenting, right? What I'm strugging with is understanding how much of the solution needs to come from thier own choices verses extrinsic parental control. My son seems to discount every suggestion I provide.
They don't have the knowledge yet either and if he is like my son he thinks he can handle it himself. It is a lot to absorb. At the last rehab they had a great program for family. I was able to talk about what to do next as family. Options support. They even would sit down with me and give me discharge plan and help set it up. Ask that center where he is. What are there family resources. Talk and meet with anyone that will do it with you. I am 90 days in on the worst roller coaster ride for a parent. I found a great deal of strength in this forum. They kept me alive to be honest.
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I heard the same thing from my son when he was at rehab. "I'm not like these junkies, the things they've done is insane. They steal from their parents & even rob people. You should be thankful I'm not like them, I don't even belong here with these people." Addiction is a progressive disease & a few years later, my son was doing all the things "those people" did.
Drugs or not, most 21 year olds are arrogant & immortal. We have a saying at work that we should hire nothing but 18 year olds because they don't need training, they already know everything. Your son doesn't think he needs the recovery house because he believes he's got this after rehab. Like most 21 year olds, he doesn't realize this is gonna take some work. You're doing great & it sounds like he's in a good program. He'll rebel & fight you as you try to help (again, he's 21) but you're off to a good start. Good luck.
Drugs or not, most 21 year olds are arrogant & immortal. We have a saying at work that we should hire nothing but 18 year olds because they don't need training, they already know everything. Your son doesn't think he needs the recovery house because he believes he's got this after rehab. Like most 21 year olds, he doesn't realize this is gonna take some work. You're doing great & it sounds like he's in a good program. He'll rebel & fight you as you try to help (again, he's 21) but you're off to a good start. Good luck.
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Yep, 21 year olds think they are immortal and know it all. Parents are the last person they listen to. Fast forward in addiction, years lost and time spent in Hell.... They start to see the path they are taking. I have a 25 year old addict who has run the gamut with all of the evils of addiction. I had to change my style with him to a lot more detachment after so many failed attempts at controlling/supporting/enabling.
I am willing to get him to rehab, but that really has to be the end of my involvement.
For those who are dealing with their first rodeo, I think education about addiction is key. Addicts don't suddenly change overnight. It is a long, hard process. Rehab is the first step, then sober living and surrounding themselves with people in recovery.
I am willing to get him to rehab, but that really has to be the end of my involvement.
For those who are dealing with their first rodeo, I think education about addiction is key. Addicts don't suddenly change overnight. It is a long, hard process. Rehab is the first step, then sober living and surrounding themselves with people in recovery.
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Thanks for the posts and oh so true. Had I not lived on this site and gone to meetings I may think about home again but I know I can't not during early recovery. It nearly killed me the first rehab. My second son is off to California for a few months to get away from here and explore. There is a little peace in my life for the moment. I'm gonna breath a little easier Work on me and my little guy Hugs to all and again thanks always for the support .
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Originally Posted by Mad4Chaos
I heard the same thing from my son when he was at rehab. "I'm not like these junkies, the things they've done is insane. They steal from their parents & even rob people. You should be thankful I'm not like them, I don't even belong here with these people." Addiction is a progressive disease & a few years later, my son was doing all the things "those people" did.
Drugs or not, most 21 year olds are arrogant & immortal. We have a saying at work that we should hire nothing but 18 year olds because they don't need training, they already know everything. Your son doesn't think he needs the recovery house because he believes he's got this after rehab. Like most 21 year olds, he doesn't realize this is gonna take some work. You're doing great & it sounds like he's in a good program. He'll rebel & fight you as you try to help (again, he's 21) but you're off to a good start. Good luck.
Drugs or not, most 21 year olds are arrogant & immortal. We have a saying at work that we should hire nothing but 18 year olds because they don't need training, they already know everything. Your son doesn't think he needs the recovery house because he believes he's got this after rehab. Like most 21 year olds, he doesn't realize this is gonna take some work. You're doing great & it sounds like he's in a good program. He'll rebel & fight you as you try to help (again, he's 21) but you're off to a good start. Good luck.
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Phrases like "I'm not like these junkies" is called being terminally unique, meaning that if you think you're not like other addicts, you have a lot to learn.
I hope your son agrees to sober living when he finishes rehab, and I hope he stays on a good path. It's very hard, as a parent, to sit back and wonder how this will all unfold.
Keeping you and your son in my prayers.
Hugs
I hope your son agrees to sober living when he finishes rehab, and I hope he stays on a good path. It's very hard, as a parent, to sit back and wonder how this will all unfold.
Keeping you and your son in my prayers.
Hugs
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Ann. Thank you for post ... I hope I stay strong. Him not being here makes it little easier to talk but after reading here and the amount of times ...I know I have to build my armor up to be prepared. I am really gonna work my program and work with my counselor next few weeks. Thanks again so very much.
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Originally Posted by AddictGuy
worried,
it is that dilemma forever. how much input from you, how much from their own experience and initiative. i would say the older they are the more it is on them.
it is that dilemma forever. how much input from you, how much from their own experience and initiative. i would say the older they are the more it is on them.
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I am sitting in my house. A very quiet house....I feel peace for the first time in weeks And guilt. Huge freakin guilt that somehow as a mom I have failed. What kind of mom feels peace in a quiet house son in rehab far away. Second away in another state andi feel peaceful ....oh my. What kind of mom feels that way. I hate this. I hate this. I hate addiction.
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TwoFour-I am that kind of mom feeling at peace while my son is in rehab. I think of it as a reminder of what a typical life-a life without the craziness of addiction-should be. Enjoy the peace. I know you earned it.
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Its because you aren't doing anything to "help them" . You are taking a moment for yourself, and that guilt is the codependent addictive voice whispering to you that you should be doing something. I get that all the time LOL!
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You didn't fail as a Mom. That is BS talk and you know
it. We're parents. We stepped up to the plate----we did
our best but it is time for US to grow into true adults
and admit the scary truth. We don't control
everything. Daughter gets into the school/ career of
her dreams.......then gets tee'd at a random intersection
at 60 mph and is dead or a quadriplegic.
Happens every day.
So here is a little tough love for YOU, you raised a
child and did the best you knew how to do. All the ifs,
ands, or butts are BS......and you know it.
But you DID step up to the plate and played
the game of life FOR REAL. For that you are
owed the respect of every other human being
that ALSO did not puss out when childhood came
to an end.
You strapped yourself into a space
shuttle (2 sticks of dynamite strapped to a big
gas can)......that serves as a useful analogy for
parenthood. Sometimes the ride to orbit doesn't
work out------
But at least you had the balls to strap in.
Don't begrudge yourself a piece of peace.You've
EARNED it.
it. We're parents. We stepped up to the plate----we did
our best but it is time for US to grow into true adults
and admit the scary truth. We don't control
everything. Daughter gets into the school/ career of
her dreams.......then gets tee'd at a random intersection
at 60 mph and is dead or a quadriplegic.
Happens every day.
So here is a little tough love for YOU, you raised a
child and did the best you knew how to do. All the ifs,
ands, or butts are BS......and you know it.
But you DID step up to the plate and played
the game of life FOR REAL. For that you are
owed the respect of every other human being
that ALSO did not puss out when childhood came
to an end.
You strapped yourself into a space
shuttle (2 sticks of dynamite strapped to a big
gas can)......that serves as a useful analogy for
parenthood. Sometimes the ride to orbit doesn't
work out------
But at least you had the balls to strap in.
Don't begrudge yourself a piece of peace.You've
EARNED it.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 91
Twofour,
You deserve peace. Please enjoy the sunrise, your morning coffee, the newspaper, the news, or go out for a walk, get some exercise, -something. Happiness is still a choice, our choice. Reserve a time to think about it, take notes to think about it if it pops up, don't let it drag you down all day.
You deserve peace. Please enjoy the sunrise, your morning coffee, the newspaper, the news, or go out for a walk, get some exercise, -something. Happiness is still a choice, our choice. Reserve a time to think about it, take notes to think about it if it pops up, don't let it drag you down all day.
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Those of you who know my story.. Ex spouse thinks we should go to rehab center together and fly together to go down to family sessions. This facility has 4 days of family sessions. Has anyone heard of that? Seems a lot. Cost air fair and hotel. Huge so what now. Invest in that too. Ex is nuts. Think he thinks some re kindling between us Not. Never gonna happen. The drinker he is. Never co parented. Guess he feels involved cause I reached out when my son got bad. Lord. Decisions. My ex stirs up anger and resentment. I know I have to put that aside for the sake of my son
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Originally Posted by Mad4Chaos
I heard the same thing from my son when he was at rehab. "I'm not like these junkies, the things they've done is insane. They steal from their parents & even rob people. You should be thankful I'm not like them, I don't even belong here with these people." Addiction is a progressive disease & a few years later, my son was doing all the things "those people" did.
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