Do I let go?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 24
Do I let go?
Ok I need help please and fast. Let me give you a short over IRS. Married to husband for 15 years this year. For this duration he has battled addiction. At times and been sober and close to god at times. 7th year of marriage he became addicted to meth. I left for a ur he sobered up then 5 yrs later he was addicted to pills ok he did the methadone clinic and stop using for a shot period. Then brings us to now bk to meth addiction. I left 9 mths ago we hv 2 dtrs he moved a girl in shortly after I left he was mentally messed up. He wasnt around etc. now he is 3 weeks sober and trying so hard to mk the best choices all the while he is seeing the damage he has done. He and I can't be around one another not Bc we fight but Bc the love between us is so deep. I know when I've looks at me that selfish man loves me and when I'm around him my heart is on fire. I just love him so much but am torn now to what to do. I mean he has only been sober 3 weeks. His gf is still there and he spent today with us next door at his sisters and I know the gf watched out the window the entire time. He knew something was wrong with me tonight and asked if I was ok. I jut started crying and he held me. We love one another with such a love I know many dont get to experience however I just don't know if we can be fixed. So much hurt and trust issues. How do you get past the being in love. So hard
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
I, too, have a broken heart. Four years later and I still love a man who has cheated on me and abandoned his family. It makes no sense. In fact, I'm having a hard time tonight dealing with the fact that he is still with the woman he left me for. I have such a strong love for this man. Not sure if I will ever get over him. I have come very far. Sometimes it is easy, and sometimes I cry, sometimes I'm angry and sometimes I'm OK. I think the sadness and the pain isn't as intense as when he first left. But, I still miss him terribly. So, that is the emotional part. I reel myself in thinking about the realistic part. He is an addict. I don't want to take care of him. I don't want to worry about a relapse. I have found such a wonderful sense of myself and am happy with who I am. I don't need someone to come in and suck me dry. I don't want to deal with the immaturity and the irresponsibility. He can't do anything for himself. He is manipulative. He only cares about what he wants. He never was there for me. He never treated me well. He was not my equal, but more like my grown child. He couldn't communicate. I don't want that back. So, if you have to be realistic, what is your list. This took time to develop and see. I have done a lot of self work. How can you help yourself? It still hurts. Another realization is that I want my family back. I hate having a broken family. Family is what I miss most...or the illusion of. Because he was never involved with family. It is not easy. In fact, I'm having a hard time tonight. It will slowly get better, but keep focusing on healing YOU.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 21
Herewego,
I'm sorry and do you want to let go? Its hard when trust is broken. Its hard for me with my boyfriend/son's father. I haven't had the living with girlfriend issue or him being with any girls that I knew of or seen him with. That's got to be hard too. It seems like you given him plenty of chances. You said he is 3 weeks sober and is he trying to maintain his soberness ? These forums and people here are nice and give hood support and advice.
I'm sorry and do you want to let go? Its hard when trust is broken. Its hard for me with my boyfriend/son's father. I haven't had the living with girlfriend issue or him being with any girls that I knew of or seen him with. That's got to be hard too. It seems like you given him plenty of chances. You said he is 3 weeks sober and is he trying to maintain his soberness ? These forums and people here are nice and give hood support and advice.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by story74 
I, too, have a broken heart. Four years later and I still love a man who has cheated on me and abandoned his family. It makes no sense. In fact, I'm having a hard time tonight dealing with the fact that he is still with the woman he left me for. I have such a strong love for this man. Not sure if I will ever get over him. I have come very far. Sometimes it is easy, and sometimes I cry, sometimes I'm angry and sometimes I'm OK. I think the sadness and the pain isn't as intense as when he first left. But, I still miss him terribly. So, that is the emotional part. I reel myself in thinking about the realistic part. He is an addict. I don't want to take care of him. I don't want to worry about a relapse. I have found such a wonderful sense of myself and am happy with who I am. I don't need someone to come in and suck me dry. I don't want to deal with the immaturity and the irresponsibility. He can't do anything for himself. He is manipulative. He only cares about what he wants. He never was there for me. He never treated me well. He was not my equal, but more like my grown child. He couldn't communicate. I don't want that back. So, if you have to be realistic, what is your list. This took time to develop and see. I have done a lot of self work. How can you help yourself? It still hurts. Another realization is that I want my family back. I hate having a broken family. Family is what I miss most...or the illusion of. Because he was never involved with family. It is not easy. In fact, I'm having a hard time tonight. It will slowly get better, but keep focusing on healing YOU.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am so sorry for what you are going through. If this were your very best friend telling you this, what would you say to her?
It sounds like this is an evil cycle in his life. Actions over the course of a very long time is what shows who a person truly is. Only you can decide how long you want to participate in his addiction. You can step off of his crazy train at any time.
Hugs to you.
It sounds like this is an evil cycle in his life. Actions over the course of a very long time is what shows who a person truly is. Only you can decide how long you want to participate in his addiction. You can step off of his crazy train at any time.
Hugs to you.
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