Struggling
 

I have been struggling all week. I thought I had successfully moved forward. I saw my XABF on Monday at his sentencing for the first time since January 1. He looked "well" and apologized to me for his additive behaviors. I was weak and broke down and haven't been able to get myself together.
I do not know if I am starting to mourn this week or if I had numbed myself all along.

I know that it's the best for us to not communicate and that my life will be much better this time next year. I

I am hoping it's just a phase and tomorrow will be better.

Addiction stinks!

Hi Jorgenss,

Sending you warmth and love.

I don't think it's weak that you broke down.

And things will be better.

We all still are human ..... Hugs to you I. Sure it was hard.... Lots of tlc for you. Take care of you

I wouldn't look at your reaction as "weak".

Mourning is a natural part of the process. That's not to say mourning doesn't suck, because it does. You'll have to ride it out, and not allow that mourning to cloud your judgment.

Sometimes, there's no shortcut, and we have to feel what we'd rather not feel. But you can get through it.

Jorgenss,
please do not doubt yourself. You did what was right. Mourning is a natural process that you will walk thru. Each step is part of healing. Breaking down (tears) are the body's way of shedding emotion. When the storm passes you find that you are stronger and able to face another day.

When I pray, I ask for strength.

There is someone out there, perfect for you. Not someone who needs you to help them, save them, babysit or be lost in. Someone who loves you, does not 'take' from a relationship. They don't make constant withdrawals.

None of us can paint your future but I can tell you - I wasted so much of mine - 'helping' ... that I missed a lot of what I will never know could have been. I was married to a man who became an alcoholic. 21 years until I divorced him. I built a good life for myself and my daughters. I met my bf 3 yrs ago. He became involved with heroin a month after that. He passed away this month. My ex husband passed away this month. Buried them both. I have some great memories, but that's all they are now. I'm not sure what the moral of the story may be but I must go on without them both.

Mourning is all the same. Do it now or do it later ... Out of concern for you, I pray that you do it 'now'. Hugs and hope for you my friend.

Joie,

Our stories are somewhat similar as I believe a lot of ours are. You have given me so much strength the past few weeks. My heart aches for you as you had to bury them both.

Thank you for your kind words and your support. I cannot thank you enough.

I will get through this... Yes, I deserve someone who gives back, not takes. I am 46 years old and I wasted 19 years on the first marriage, although not an addict, and the past 2 with the addict. I am the only one who can change me.

I've been to a sentencing before. It was a very difficult day.

My AH was the last in a line of 10 or so in the courtroom that day, and hearing all of their stories and seeing some of them there alone, and the tears of the family of others, broke me apart. Ultimately, it was the most important day of my life so far. It was the day I chose recovery for myself. Something about seeing them all there in shackles and stripes made it real. The words of the judge stick with me to this day... almost a year and a half later.

I'm also not sure what the point of my story is other than to say that I can relate a little, and to send you warm hugs.

If I could give you one bit of advice it is don't hold your feelings in because it will only prolong your healing. That's really what your work is right now is doing what you can to heal and move on. You owe that to yourself to do that hard work. Trust me, you'll be fine in time. Take it one day at a time. Sending you lots of big, tight hugs ((( )))