waitingforhope

I agree with what Lily last posted and I can totally relate to how you feel. My last post was some more practical things to help get you out of bed long enough to put those feelings aside a moment to get the basic things done that you need to and just get you started focusing on yourself, to just get you moving when you feel paralyzed. The things your feeling, I felt those things too first thing in the morning, during the day and when I went to bed at night. It seemed obsessive for a long time and then I'd get angry with myself for feeling those things after all my stbx had done to our family. It is quite literally a rollercoaster. But you have to go through it for a while. You just have to grieve and be vunerable for a bit, there's no getting around it. Forgive yourself and when you take a step back or two. The heart won't agree with the head for a while. I was separated 15 months before filing for divorce. My emotions changed from hour to hour to sadness and depression, to extreme anger, back again to missing him then to hatred. There's no set process. Again time needs it's time to do it's work. I repeat that a lot on here. You will be okay. He can only convince you that you played a part in his addiction if you let him. Your responsibility is not to buy into what he says about you and when those negative thoughts doubting yourself creep in, to fight them, tell them to go away and then replace it with something you know is awesome about you or reminding yourself of what you deserve in this life from someone who truly deserves you. I know you must feel isolated and alone. Get support wherever you can. Layer it. Ask for it from family and friends, go to meetings, come here, see a therapist, keep a journal, write letter you will never send. Get it all out. His crazymaking has no power when you recognize it's his insecurity and issues and really has nothing to do with you.

CarmenLove

Hi Lily,

Thank you so much.

Your reply really touched me. :-)

Ann

Carmen, just because everyone pretends that it's all temporary and going to go away if everyone coddles him...you and I both know that it doesn't work that way.

Trust your instincts, trust your own good judgement, trust what experience has taught you and what you have seen with your own eyes.

You are lovable, wonderful and worthy of a happy life, free of addiction. You are smart and strong and will get through this once you finish processing how you feel and what you need to do.

So stand tall and walk with confidence, you deserve so much better than all this.

Hugs

CarmenLove

Hi Waitingforhope

Thank you.

I loved what you said about writing down what I need to do an crossing it off. I have been doing that and it really helps reduce the times when I notice I've gone into my head and 'zoned out'.

Yogagurl

The dog...... I took my exAH's dog with me and my exAH broke into my house on Christmas day, 2014 and attempted to steal the dog from me. I am still to this day worried about the well being of the dog, but it's his dog and there is nothing I can do about it. I would just tell your AH that if he feels he can't take care of the dog to let you know and that you will take over. If you feel you can be cordial and share visits with the dog, then do so. I will say that I don't feel an active heroin addict, husband or not, is someone I would want to associate with. You could always call animal control?

auroraxborealis

I'm on my phone so I apologize if I missed it, but can you pm me your state? I'm actually researching custody/possession of pets now and have some info from other states. Sorry I also haven't read the entire thread but will when I get home on the computer.