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Does it ever stop !

Old 03-26-2015, 04:38 AM
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Does it ever stop !

We changed all the locks on our home . We have no contact with AS. Wednesday I go to the bank, was in shock AS cashed a check through our account for 400.00. He stole our personal checks and forged his dads name. I have no idea how he got our cheque book ? That concerns me even more . His account is at the same bank I spoke to the bank manager they automatically shut down his account . He has stolen in the past and I have had him charged . Not every time though . I can not pay my mortgage this week. Sick over him. Not too mention the problems he's caused with my banking . My spouse and I are self employed struggling like many . He has absolutely no conscience ! Yesterday he tried to put another one in for another 400.00. The bank would not give me a copy of that cheque for the police as it didnt clear our account . I have an appt . With the fraud department . Good place for him jail ! He is still on probation so he will be breeched . He has no idea we know and we've not said anything to anyone . If he knew he's about to be arrested he'd run. I love my son but I sure dont like him at all . I'm a nervous wreck how he managed to get the cheques . He's a liar, a con artist & a thief ! Yes I know he's an addict at what point do we start dismissing there actions .
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Old 03-26-2015, 05:14 AM
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Seriously feel like I'm at my breaking point ! I can barely focus on our business. Just want to stay in bed with the blankets over my head . I've watched him milk his girlfriend out of an immense amount of money . She finally stopped giving him money. I'm just so fed up how dare he steal again from us . He has no boundaries and makes my stomach turn how he got a hold of our checks
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Old 03-26-2015, 06:09 AM
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I'm so sorry, Katie.

It is a common ploy with active addicts to take cheques from the middle of cheque books and use them...they are not noticed for quite some time, long after they have used them. If you check your cheque books I'll bet you will find some missing from the middle...or a book of cheques if you have an order of new cheques.

Charging him, working with you bank and holding him accountable is the only way to protect yourself from him.

Sadly, I know all this because my own son did the same thing.

We learn and then we learn some more. Hope you can manage with your mortgage...perhaps call whoever holds the mortgage and tell them what happened and that you have reported it to the police. Many mortgages have a clause that allows you to miss a payment once or twice, without penalty.

Keeping you in my prayers.

Hugs
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Old 03-26-2015, 06:47 AM
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Katie...

You ask when it stops. Sadly, a lot of times it doesn't stop for them.

Ann's right; he needs to be held accountable. You have to treat him as anyone else who would steal your checks and forge the name on the account.

No games. No f**kin' around.

I'm sorry this has happened.
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Old 03-26-2015, 10:00 AM
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I'm so sorry. Report him to the police. Believe me, when the police ask for it, the bank will hand it over. I am so sorry. XXX
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Old 03-26-2015, 10:51 AM
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I'm very sorry for what you are going through. As others have said, please protect yourself and do what is necessary to allow your son to face the consequences of his actions.

I feel for you, I really do. Please know that you are not alone. As Ann said above, this is a common occurrence. My x stole checks from his employer, just about 5k before he was caught. I, too, was robbed of money, jewelry, etc. I simply cannot wrap my head around why addicts do what they do, without thought, but I know it's just "what they do" when they are sick in active addition. There's even studies shown that certain drugs essentially "turn off" the rational, moral part of the brain. I'm not sticking up for an addict, by an means, I'm just saying it is NOT personal. They aren't doing these horrible things TO US to get back at us...the truth is they probably aren't thinking about anything at all, other than getting the means to get high.

I'm not sure if you are in Alanon or Naranon, but if not, I encourage you to look into it for support from others that can relate. I just started reading the Alanon "big book" and the back of the book is full of stories on the heartache addiction brings and how to cope.

Hugs to you. Please know we are here for support!
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Old 03-26-2015, 12:24 PM
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Very sorry you are going through this. I would close that checking account and open a new one along with new checks.

My friends daughter used to steal checks from the middle of her check book or from out of the box of checks she had not used yet that she thought she had hidden in her closet.

Again, so sorry but holding him responsible is the responsible thing to do.
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Old 03-26-2015, 12:56 PM
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My daughter did the middle of the checkbook thing too. It came to light in the 2nd year of her 3 year hell run.

I hate the position you're in: if you press charges, the bank gives back your money for your mortgage.

Please grab a pillow and cry/scream when you need to; just please don't hold it in.

Hugs and prayers for you.
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Old 03-26-2015, 01:26 PM
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yes, we were also victim to the "middle of the checkbook" scam. We closed that account.
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Old 03-27-2015, 04:53 AM
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It's so hard not to take it personal. I know it's the drugs just so fed up with him. For the first time in years I feel so detached from him. I am ashamed of the con artist he is , he has bilked his girlfriend out of thousands if dollars . Her money is for medical needs, she was in a terrible car accident a few years ago that has left her in a wheel chair. She's funny, smart, and truly loves him . She has cut him off thank goodness . He has stolen large amounts of money from us a few years ago, jewellery, etc . I truly at one point thought he had gone in to recovery . What is so ironic is that after all he done to us, to know what he has done to others literally makes me sick. He is the con of all cons . Part of me feels ashamed for the way I feel I know it's the drugs. I don't want anything to do with him anylonger, I'm even finding it difficult the last few days to pray for him. He is headed to jail shortly I will not visit, nor take phone calls from him. I am so tired of the lies, the stealing and the victim attitude . He is the one that victimizes innocent people . I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth .,how can I as a mother feel so detached and done ? I know my post sounds cold but it's all I feel about him lately .
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Old 03-27-2015, 08:30 AM
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Dear Katie, I have also felt this way, in terms of really looking at the actions and how they affect others. JJ took advantage of his girlfriend to the point of leaving her stranded on the day they needed to move out of their room with no help. He is really a stranger to me. I am "okay" with him when he is in recovery, but when he is actively using, there is a huge fear and loathing when I see him. Just be with where you are. I pray your son does get arrested and realizes when he comes down just where his actions have left him.
Hugs,
TT
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Old 03-27-2015, 08:49 AM
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how can I as a mother feel so detached and done ? I know my post sounds cold but it's all I feel about him lately
I am neither a woman or a mother. But I think regardless of who violates us repeatedly and without remorse, our tendency is to withdraw from that person and protect ourselves. It's part of being human.

If you didn't feel the way you did, I'd be more worried about that.
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Old 04-04-2015, 03:56 AM
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My husband and I met with the police over AS cheque fraud . Beyond upset they let us know he would be charged and released . Basically a slap on the wrist . Currently he's on probation. He has 3 prior frauds us other drug related charges . We told them we were nervous of him , we were told just to call in complaints if he called made threats etc . If he breaches the restraining order he would be charged but probably released unless he makes threats . He called on Friday my spouse told him not too call again and we were aware of his cheque fraud . Of course he denied it , he went off the deep end . He said horrible things hoped we lost our business perhaps our customers could find a better deal elsewhere. We were low life scum he couldn't wait for us to loose our home he went on and on . He was stone cold with pure rage said he didn't care that we were charging him. In all the years he has been using I have never heard him like this . His doc has changed from crack to meth in the last few months . It is like he has no conscience at all. Generally he would have begged us not to charge him he truly didnt care . Turns out that same night he called our daughter overseas proceeded to tell her horrible stuff about us . Yesterday I get a call from a very good friend asking if I thought so bad about her why wouldn't I tell her too her face . I am sick to my stomach over him . Why would he be bent on causing us problems ? Nasty and evil beyond belief ! Ourbusiness is not doing well at all but we are trying to hold our own, between the financial stress and him my nerves are a mess. All we've done is try to help him in the past . He is on one big mission to cause us problems all because we have detached from him and he stole from us again .
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Old 04-04-2015, 06:07 AM
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Katie...

I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this with him. I know you're scared and hurt, and you don't deserve any of this.

Based on everything you've shared with us, I'm starting to suspect there are issues with him that go beyond drugs. It would not surprise me if he, for example, fit the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I could be wrong; maybe this sort of ugly behavior is simply what he's like under the influence of meth. But he's made these threats for some time. If the drugs and a character disorder like NPD are playing off each other, then he is an incredibly dangerous person, both to himself and to everyone around him.

It is important, Katie, that you and your husband continue to do everything within your means and within the law to protect yourself. Although it hurts like hell and you're scared, you can't allow those feelings to overwhelm you to the point where your judgment is compromised.

Be safe, and please keep us posted.
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Old 04-04-2015, 06:21 AM
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I'm so sorry about all that you have had to go through at the hands of your own son, katie. My stepson was a far scarier, heartless, cruel human being on crack than on alcohol.

Please protect yourself, your business, and your home. If he is stealing from you and your husband, he is stealing from others and will be caught sooner or later.

Please take good care! S
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Old 04-04-2015, 06:31 AM
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Do you have identity theft laws in your area? If I were you I would look at what the laws are and what they need to have to charge him with that. I know that there are far stricter laws where I am about identity theft than just fraud.
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Old 04-04-2015, 09:58 AM
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I am finding that I cannot think of recently deceased ABF as one person. He had become 2 people and I'm not sure how to do this but hold the one that you remember close but the addicted one, closer - so that you remember to protect yourself. I'm sorry that this has happened to you and will say prayers for you while you work thru this and rebuild your business. Hugs.
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Old 04-13-2015, 04:23 AM
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It's been a couple of weeks now since we heard from our Son. All is peaceful for now. I find myself checking constantly to make sure my car is locked at nite, and the house. I've heard he is living in a drug house on the other side of town. Can some one help me understand this ? He is 28 years old has been an addict since 16 DOC crack, alcohol not sure what else. In December he started using Meth. He's an addict all addicts lie, however there wasn't a thing that came out of his mouth that was true. He claims he owns homes to people , property ? I've never seen anything like it very frightening . People believe him, he is always dressed nicely , drives a nice vehicle seems to be all together to the average person. He had a big mark on his head a few months ago when I asked what happened he said he was kicked in the head by one of his friends horses. Actually he got hit in the head with a piece of wood. I had someone approach me this week asking if my spouse and I had sold our 20O acres. We don't have 200 acres ! When confronting him on his lies you'd swear he was telling the truth. There isn't a thing he would say that was the truth. He had become stone cold with no emotion. In the 11 years of him using we had never seen this. No emotion what so ever. I feel more at peace him not being around , we can not be part of his chaotic world. I just find my self laying awake at nite, wondering if he's mentally snapped ?
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Old 04-15-2015, 12:33 PM
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I am sorry Katie. It has to be very hard for you. I hope he finds help and recovery somehow.
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