Then the camel's proverbial back broke.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
Then the camel's proverbial back broke.
Woke AH up to give him the baby to hold this morning & came across his phone just laying there.
Out of sheer curiosity/gut instinct, I went through his text messages.
Found one that said something to the effect of, "I have some China White I need to move...", to a person I've never heard of nor been introduced to.
When I confronted him with it, first he said,
"I never even SAW that text message. I never even READ it."
Um.
YOU SENT IT, dumbass.
The next two excuses/lies were, "I don't even talk to that person" and "It's made up. It's about something made up."
Sooo...he didn't read a text message he SENT, to a person he never talks to, about an imaginary proper noun that just happens to be another name for powdered heroin?
Riiighht.
And then I called the local drug enforcement investigations unit on him & am filling out a DVO as we speak.
Happy Tuesday, guys.
Out of sheer curiosity/gut instinct, I went through his text messages.
Found one that said something to the effect of, "I have some China White I need to move...", to a person I've never heard of nor been introduced to.
When I confronted him with it, first he said,
"I never even SAW that text message. I never even READ it."
Um.
YOU SENT IT, dumbass.
The next two excuses/lies were, "I don't even talk to that person" and "It's made up. It's about something made up."
Sooo...he didn't read a text message he SENT, to a person he never talks to, about an imaginary proper noun that just happens to be another name for powdered heroin?
Riiighht.
And then I called the local drug enforcement investigations unit on him & am filling out a DVO as we speak.
Happy Tuesday, guys.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Wow!
Most of the messages on this site are full of trepidation,
uncertainty, and vacillation inherent when humans are faced
with difficult decisions.
This one was a sudden and unexpected 9g 180 degree turn
with a missile shot to the face!
I don't know who you are mnh1982.....but I do know with absolute
certainty I would never want to face you in battle.
RESPECTFUL hugs................
Most of the messages on this site are full of trepidation,
uncertainty, and vacillation inherent when humans are faced
with difficult decisions.
This one was a sudden and unexpected 9g 180 degree turn
with a missile shot to the face!
I don't know who you are mnh1982.....but I do know with absolute
certainty I would never want to face you in battle.
RESPECTFUL hugs................
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by mnh1982 
Woke AH up to give him the baby to hold this morning & came across his phone just laying there.
Out of sheer curiosity/gut instinct, I went through his text messages.
Found one that said something to the effect of, "I have some China White I need to move...", to a person I've never heard of nor been introduced to.
When I confronted him with it, first he said,
"I never even SAW that text message. I never even READ it."
Um.
YOU SENT IT, dumbass.
The next two excuses/lies were, "I don't even talk to that person" and "It's made up. It's about something made up."
Sooo...he didn't read a text message he SENT, to a person he never talks to, about an imaginary proper noun that just happens to be another name for powdered heroin?
Riiighht.
And then I called the local drug enforcement investigations unit on him & am filling out a DVO as we speak.
Happy Tuesday, guys.
Out of sheer curiosity/gut instinct, I went through his text messages.
Found one that said something to the effect of, "I have some China White I need to move...", to a person I've never heard of nor been introduced to.
When I confronted him with it, first he said,
"I never even SAW that text message. I never even READ it."
Um.
YOU SENT IT, dumbass.
The next two excuses/lies were, "I don't even talk to that person" and "It's made up. It's about something made up."
Sooo...he didn't read a text message he SENT, to a person he never talks to, about an imaginary proper noun that just happens to be another name for powdered heroin?
Riiighht.
And then I called the local drug enforcement investigations unit on him & am filling out a DVO as we speak.
Happy Tuesday, guys.
But not surprised.
I hope you take comfort in the fact that you're responding with decisiveness and authority. Most of us in your shoes didn't do that when confronted with something similar. You have.
Keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Way to go! And that is what is best for your baby, too, for you to take decisive action for the health and wellness of both of you. Keep us posted. You are doing a good thing!
p.s. My daughter's phone had lots of references to Chinese Takeout...just another nickname to know...
p.s. My daughter's phone had lots of references to Chinese Takeout...just another nickname to know...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
Update-I gave him a big fat ultimatum this afternoon:
Either he voluntarily was to leave our apartment & not come back, or said DVO was getting filed immediately. He left of his own accord.
His "story" re: the sketchy text message was that he wasn't "actually" selling or helping sell drugs, he was just "trying to get some money" by scamming the person into paying him for drugs he didn't actually have.
Which, clearly, is SUCH a relief, because that's SO MUCH LESS SKETCHY than actually selling them.
My brain hurts so bad....
Either he voluntarily was to leave our apartment & not come back, or said DVO was getting filed immediately. He left of his own accord.
His "story" re: the sketchy text message was that he wasn't "actually" selling or helping sell drugs, he was just "trying to get some money" by scamming the person into paying him for drugs he didn't actually have.
Which, clearly, is SUCH a relief, because that's SO MUCH LESS SKETCHY than actually selling them.
My brain hurts so bad....
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
That is just as awful MNH1982. So those people he scams come to your house, with you and the baby, looking for the drugs? Ya, DVO. I pray one day he understands how absolutely stupid that sounds.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
Yes sirs & ma'ams...I have that sucker all filled out & ready to go. The stupid courthouse in my town closes at 4:30pm (because you know, none of us like...work or anything, arrghh), so I will have to either leave work early this week or go in on Saturday....sigh.
I'm trying to straddle a line here that may seem much less assertive than it first appeared. I do not want to "ruin" AH's life, nor do I hate him, or want to see him fail. I just want peace & normalcy for me & my son. So, I've been leaving food items, books, hot coffee, etc on our porch for him to come pick up after I leave for work, along with about $5 for him to either save or use for the day.
Does that seem soft or overly-accommodating to anyone? I know lots of you have wrestled with addicts who are spouses & family members & what to do re: straddling that line between cutting them off & attempting to salvage the relationship.
It seems to me that if I lose all compassion for him, then I am no better than his addict brain & its penchant for taking advantage & being selfish.
Thoughts?
I'm trying to straddle a line here that may seem much less assertive than it first appeared. I do not want to "ruin" AH's life, nor do I hate him, or want to see him fail. I just want peace & normalcy for me & my son. So, I've been leaving food items, books, hot coffee, etc on our porch for him to come pick up after I leave for work, along with about $5 for him to either save or use for the day.
Does that seem soft or overly-accommodating to anyone? I know lots of you have wrestled with addicts who are spouses & family members & what to do re: straddling that line between cutting them off & attempting to salvage the relationship.
It seems to me that if I lose all compassion for him, then I am no better than his addict brain & its penchant for taking advantage & being selfish.
Thoughts?
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 12
Mnh1982 I can't tell you how much I admire you. I applaud you for what you have done. I wish I could do the same. I just am not there yet. My son with my AH is 4 months.
My only thoughts on your kindness would be perhaps no money. If he is still choosing to use and trys to get funds daily you may be helping him meet his goal.
My only thoughts on your kindness would be perhaps no money. If he is still choosing to use and trys to get funds daily you may be helping him meet his goal.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
Oh, honey. Big hugs.
In all honesty I didn't think I could or would ever do it, but I have finally ceased to value "the easy way" over the health & safety of myself & my child.
I had this discussion earlier with a coworker-that the addict, for whatever reason, has exactly enough arrogance & narcissism in them to really believe that they are in total control. That the people they're dealing (literally) with can be controlled by them. That they're in control of themselves & their actions. And that's just not true.
What tipped the scales for me was having to finally recognize the true DANGER that AH is putting us in. I don't care what he says about what he thinks he knows about anyone or any of this situation, the fact of the matter is that his behavior is threatening our health & safety & it is time for him to go.
I don't think any of us do ANY of these things because they wish the addict ill or truly "hate" them (I could be wrong). Instead, you just have to understand that by not breaking free of them, as hard as it is, you are enabling.
As for the $$$, you could be right, but it's one of those little kindnesses that I can give him that may help him get a job, etc. As soon as I have time, though, I'm going to just go buy a bunch of $5 grocery store gift cards & leave him those. That way he can't use them for anything but what they're for.
Big hugs to you Mab...and for your little guy. I hope you find the strength you need. This is a great forum to help do that
In all honesty I didn't think I could or would ever do it, but I have finally ceased to value "the easy way" over the health & safety of myself & my child.
I had this discussion earlier with a coworker-that the addict, for whatever reason, has exactly enough arrogance & narcissism in them to really believe that they are in total control. That the people they're dealing (literally) with can be controlled by them. That they're in control of themselves & their actions. And that's just not true.
What tipped the scales for me was having to finally recognize the true DANGER that AH is putting us in. I don't care what he says about what he thinks he knows about anyone or any of this situation, the fact of the matter is that his behavior is threatening our health & safety & it is time for him to go.
I don't think any of us do ANY of these things because they wish the addict ill or truly "hate" them (I could be wrong). Instead, you just have to understand that by not breaking free of them, as hard as it is, you are enabling.
As for the $$$, you could be right, but it's one of those little kindnesses that I can give him that may help him get a job, etc. As soon as I have time, though, I'm going to just go buy a bunch of $5 grocery store gift cards & leave him those. That way he can't use them for anything but what they're for.
Big hugs to you Mab...and for your little guy. I hope you find the strength you need. This is a great forum to help do that
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: WI
Posts: 240
One of the most difficult things I've ever done is proceed with a divorce from a man I still love (at least the one I married). It's almost done hopefully. Don't make my mistake though and allow him to keep you in limbo okay? That really hurts when they say they want you, will do what's necessary to keep the marriage and then completely leave you hanging. I was a fool for that for 15 months I hung in there and it hurt me while he continued to act as if our divorce didn't bother him at all but ya know, he'd be okay staying married too and then disappear.
Just keep in mind maybe too that others here went the gift card route too and their addicts just sell them for cash to get drugs. If you feel you must do something, which is generous but I hope that you know you don't owe him anything btw, maybe just continue with food and coffee.
Just keep in mind maybe too that others here went the gift card route too and their addicts just sell them for cash to get drugs. If you feel you must do something, which is generous but I hope that you know you don't owe him anything btw, maybe just continue with food and coffee.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
All of this of course bears in mind that even though one files divorce paperwork, that doesn't mean one must go through all the steps to finalize. In our case, AH HAS made huge strides with treatment etc, but somehow there always seems to be something under the surface.
And, waiting, exactly-what kind of marriage is it, when one person is checked out, high, faking their way through, or just not even there?? I hear ya.
Thanks for the tips, every one I continue to hope the best for AH through all this & a part of me not-so-secretly wishes for the day that he shows up on our doorstep clean, sober, employed & ready to be a Real Boy.
If wishes were horses, right?
And, waiting, exactly-what kind of marriage is it, when one person is checked out, high, faking their way through, or just not even there?? I hear ya.
Thanks for the tips, every one
I continue to hope the best for AH through all this & a part of me not-so-secretly wishes for the day that he shows up on our doorstep clean, sober, employed & ready to be a Real Boy.If wishes were horses, right?
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