Dee74

I'm so very sorry.

D

auroraxborealis

Thank you for sharing.

allforcnm

Im sorry for your loss.

cece1960

I am so very sorry for your loss. Your words touched me deeply...

Seren

Words always seem so inadequate. Please know your son and all who love him are in my prayers.

GardenMama

Thank you for sharing your story here--it's brave of you. And I am so very sorry for your loss.

Opivotal

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a heartbreaking tragedy.

Mad4Chaos

Thanks everyone, I shed a tear or two reading all the kind words. You never know, maybe my sons story could be the push an addict needs to get help. I'd like to think so. It'd be comforting to all of us if something good could come from this.

Hevyn

My prayers will be added to all the others - I felt deep sorrow when reading what you've been through. I'm sure the heartfelt telling of your story will help many. How unselfish of you. God bless your family.

Ann

As a mama of an addicted son, I feel your pain and can only imagine the anguish you have been through. My son also had to be "revived" more than once, but only after briefly losing signs.

May your son rest in peace in the arms of God and my your find some comfort knowing how much everyone here cares.

Thank you for sharing what is probably the most painful period of your life.

Hugs from this mama's heart to yours.

Jorgenss

I am so sorry for your loss.

zoso77

M4C...

You were very, very brave to share what's been going on the past 3 weeks, and braver still to share your son's last moments. And I thank you for that.

My hope, long term, is that you recognize that you have something to give. What you can share with parents of addicted children could make a big, big difference to those parents.

God bless you, your family, and your son.

Z

courage2

It feels very brave to me that you shared your story for the benefit of others. Thank you -- your story is an important one for me among others to hear. I'm very sorry for your great suffering and for the pain of all the members of your family.

Vale

May God wrap his loving arms around your son
and you, and relieve you bith of your deepest
suffering and sorrow.

irisgardens

I am so sorry for your loss and agree with you that death is not the worst that can happen.

Thank you for sharing your son's story and your own...and I know that you loved him so much...and that as you say...his pain has ended...yours has started and I am praying for you and the grieving that comes.

Have a daughter who is an active heroin addict and the waiting for the call is always there no matter how well I am doing...as it was when my previous 2 daughters went through this...although they made it through and I am so grateful they are living their own lives now...and are in the world...although it is not an easy situation nor will it be for a long time...and perhaps always...depending on their decisions.

Lost a 2 month old to SIDS 24 years ago...and much of what you describe is what I felt as I grieved his loss and yet also knew that there were very serious consequences to being brought back (did CPR and everything...but we did not know how long he had been gone when we found him).

You are not alone and I am glad you are here.

Hugs and prayers going your way.

FeelingGreat

My sincere condolences. The saddest thing is you could give this account to addicts and they'd still go ahead and use. I hope you find peace in knowing you did the right thing.

Mad4Chaos

I'm all too aware that the odds of my story making a difference in an addicts life is extremely slim, but I wanted to try. Over the years my son had been to many funerals of fellow addicts, but had the attitude "They let it get away from them, that won't happen to me." But it progressed much farther than that. It was much worse than we knew.

As his friends came to visit him in the hospital, I was able to piece together the mindset of his last months. Keep in mind that his mother (my ex-wife) & I thought we knew the signs of him using. He had even been staying with her for the last 6 months & she had no clue. He become disciplined enough to only use when he would stay with friends for a couple of days a week. He showed none of the signs of using we had seen in the past. I learned that in the previous 45 days, my son had overdosed on heroin 6 times. He had even died 3 times in that 45 day period in same hospital we had spent the last 3 weeks in. If being dead 3 times doesn't get an addict to stop using, then telling them my story certainly won't get them to stop. But not all addicts are the same, some aren't as far down the path as my son was. My realistic hope is a person who has just started on the path may know of my story & get shocked into getting help. Or an addict unsure about treatment may hear my story & that's the extra kick that gets them help.

Looking back on the last 8 years, I can see how things slowly escalated, & all the opportunities I had to put a stop to it early. But as with all addicts, even young ones, they use the love & trust you have against you. One memory in particular haunts me. The summer before he started high school, I met with a guidance counselor. He told me to keep the kid busy all the time, don't give him any free time. Sports, after school programs, whatever it takes. He had seen free time with friends ruin many kids in his career. I shook my head & said "Not my son, he's a great kid. I've drilled it in his head about drinking & drugs, he'd never do any of those things. He's promised me that he'd never do that to his mother or myself. His high school years will be some of the greatest times of his life. Thanks for the advice, but I'm sure he'll be fine." That conversation has really been on my mind lately. I know my son made the decision to take the pills & put that needle in his arm, I didn't do it for him. But damn, it doesn't mean that I don't feel regret at some of the decisions I made. I often tell my wife that no one wins when they play the 'What If Game". What if I had done this, what if I had done that. But it's really hard not to do that. There's no point in it anyway. I'm just heaping guilt on top of grief & none of it is going to bring him back.

I've decided to post a picture of him. He had really long hair at one point & this was after we had shaved his head for the 1st time. It's not the best picture of him, but it's one of my favorites. So ladies & gents, let us weep for lost glory. I love him & miss him.

allmirages

Thank you, again for sharing your story. I am truly very sorry. And, I do believe that it is possible for it to help a struggling addict. I attended many AA meetings with my xabf and the re-occuring theme was to get everyone in the meeting to "share" as what they have to say might have a positive impact on someone else that is struggling in silence. Prayers to you and your familly.

Marcus

So sorry for your loss. Great picture! As I read your post I kept waiting to hear how he woke up and proved all of the doctors wrong and walked out of the hospital. Unfortunately that is not how active addiction works and this movie often does not have a happy ending. I am coming up on 3 years sober from H and it took me 10 years to get here. I overdosed at home and wife and daughter found me - don't think I ever shared that on the forums before. They originally thought I was sleeping and if we had not had plans to go see a movie might not have called 911 before it was too late. Spent a night in the ICU and 6 more in the hospital being treated for aspirated pneumonia. Using is like Russian roulette and I often wonder why I am still here and others not. My heart truly aches for you. I saw what my using was doing to me and my wife and kids and parents and still just couldn't stop. It is such a powerful and destructive force. Take care and hang on to the good things.

hopeful4

My heart just aches for you. I have no words to express adequate condolences. I do think the story can make a difference, especially for someone on the fence about using H. Maybe they have not yet, and maybe it will keep someone from going down that path.

Tight, very tight, hugs.