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Old 03-16-2015, 06:49 PM
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Twofour...

Thanks for the update. I hope you can get some rest this evening. Try to do a little self care this week.

Keep us posted.
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Old 03-16-2015, 06:52 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Ilovemysonjj View Post
Dear two, please know I have been there and done that in terms of the jail issue and fear that goes with that. If this is his first offense, they may order court ordered rehab in lieu of jail. That is a good option. Your son is young, and there is always the hope he will want to change before the "Hell" starts with their consequences of choices. My story is long and over 3 years here of posting, but I WILL say that there is council here. Ann, Anvil, Zoso, LovemeNow, Garden Mama, Zale and many, many more have held me through my despairs. The ONE thing I learned is that I cannot have an active addict living under my roof (or even early recovery) without the insanity of their lifestyle interfering with my serenity. A very hard thing to come to terms with for sure, but so many speed bumps in the struggle for sobriety have occurred because of my enabling. Its hard to accept that I learned from my "failures" to attempt to control the addictive actions.
I LOVE my son unconditionally but I cannot continue my destructive actions to save him.
Hard stuff, but we are ALL here to help each other.
I hope and pray your son is learning from these consequences.
Can I ask you was that after he did live with you and rebound a few times that you found that strength? Just curious, not judging.
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Old 03-16-2015, 06:53 PM
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Originally Posted by zoso77 View Post
Twofour...

Thanks for the update. I hope you can get some rest this evening. Try to do a little self care this week.

Keep us posted.
Thank you I appreciate you ongoing support, really you have helped me...
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Old 03-16-2015, 07:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Twofour View Post
Thank you I appreciate you ongoing support, really you have helped me...
We look after our own.

God bless both you and your son.
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Old 03-17-2015, 08:38 AM
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my thoughts and prayers are with you Twofour. It is so difficult but the peace that will come will save both of you. <hugs> Joie
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Old 03-17-2015, 08:56 AM
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Hugs and Prayers to you! XXX
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Old 03-17-2015, 09:14 AM
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I am glad your son got caught and is now in detox, TwoFour. He will have some help and you can get some rest.

I hope you don't mind me jumping in on your question to JJ's mom--my daughter's first overdose was in our home when she was 18. She spent 5 weeks in the hospital and came back home to recover for two months. Many times since I have let her come home, before rehabs, after roaming the country in active addiction (because she said she wanted to go to treatment), and most recently for 4 months while she remains in active recovery, working a program. It was hard every time! I am not sure I can recommend it, with hindsight, but every time seemed like it was the best thing to do for her. It was not the best thing for the rest of us. I can say now that I won't be allowing her to stay here again. In fact, we are turning her bedroom into a tv room this week.

My story here was just to say, you will figure it out in due time. Putting my youngest daughter at the forefront in these situations was essential, and eventually I learned that my husband and I should count for something, after all. My daughter has found many & better housing resources as a result of being told she had to leave our home on Feb 1. All of us parents of addicts have to decide what we (think) we can handle in any given situation with our children as their disease progresses. There's no easy answer.
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Old 03-18-2015, 05:05 PM
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Thank you for the post. I have allowed myself to get so sick. Throwing up etc etc. I do go to a counselor she is trying to help me. Sometimes all I do is cry, I have to keep my job and I am a sales person. I need to find some of me again or soon they will want to push me along. All I can think of is ... I wish I could trade places. .... So young.... I really need to work steps this I know. The rest of my family deserves to get a little of me...back. I appreciate the posts as always. Thank you....
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Old 03-18-2015, 05:18 PM
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Twofour,

I really like the concept of giving them to their HP.. actually cupping your hands, and make the gesture of passing him to his HP , because letting go, and letting God, or his HP take over, its necessary.

Your family deserve to get the best of you. You deserve to heal up and be able to perform at your job. You have to take care of yourself, because if you do not, what happens if something happens to you?

Do the things within your power, as the serenity prayer helps us to do. That will bring you the most joy, and strengthen you.

hugs
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Old 03-19-2015, 10:35 AM
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Dear 2, Just saw your post. JJ started using (at least when we first found out) when he was 20. He stole a lot of our stuff, we got it all back from the pawn shop, he detoxed and we thought everything was back to normal. Nope. The first time he relapsed, we sent him to live with my mom in Virginia to get him away from his environment. Horrible idea, he used and abused her trust. He came back and started working at my company and was okay for about 3 months, he then moved out and all Hell broke loose about 3 months later. We let him come home (1st 5150) and within 2 months he had successfully re-stolen all of our jewelry. I got it back at the tune of $1750.00. I had him arrested in May 2011. He was in jail for 4 months, rehab for 4 months and then he went to sober living for 3 months. He then broke into our home in a drug craze and broke into our safe, stole AGAIN! This time he went "dark" for 3 months, no idea where he was. Jail AGAIN and Rehab for 4 months and finally after 13 months, we thought things would be different. We allowed him to come home, he lived again under our roof from 10-13 to 5-14. Tons of ups and downs, me finding stuff, him promising to quit, etc. He had a drug induced crystal meth incident that finally put me over the edge. We told him he had to get out. He chose detox, rehab and was "okay" for about 6 months. Then this last time he screwed up everything with his girlfriend, and here we are today with him at Salvation Army.

I learned the hard way. I helped enable so many times and I let the insanity back in my life. I have never stopped loving my son, I just cannot live with him. I hope and pray he really gets it this time. He is now 25.
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Old 03-22-2015, 07:56 PM
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Thank you all for the posts. I have been doing some self healing this weekend Was able to see my son at rehab and all he could say was thank you for supporting me. Still on detox meds. So sad and depressed .. I only stayed a short time so not to cave.
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Old 03-22-2015, 08:02 PM
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Good for you Mom. good job in letting go and letting his HP work with him. He is in the best place for him, this you know.
so get some rest, and turn it over. Its not your job to do, you cannot do it for him.

so take care of you, and continue your self care. step back as much as you can.

hugs
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Old 03-22-2015, 08:12 PM
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I'm sorry his dad bailed him out and dropped him at your doorstep. He should have taken the responsibility for him if he bailed him out. Not fair to you. The jail and courts would have handled everything and mandated rehab anyway, so he'd get the help he needed. My AS is a heroin addict. Kicking in jail is hard, they do give you something if your in jail, but not in lock up. Kicking won't kill you. They'd keep him under watch. Jail is, oddly enough, a real solution to many of the problems.
Good he's in a detox or program...but it would have been free if court-ordered. I say let his dad foot the bill now for whatever happens, since it was his bright idea to bail him out.
Al-non or some sort of support meetings would be helpful. They have helped me, although my AS is still struggling and I'm trying to remove myself from the equation more and more. These meeting would help you find the strength to take care of yourself, above all else.
I know this is a hard thing you are going through. Many of us have been there. It's important you don't get sucked into the problem he created for himself by stealing. Let him suffer the consequences. Enjoy the break you get while he's in detox and the nights you'll sleep knowing he's ok.
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