London14

Thank you for reading this. I left my alcoholic boyfriend a month ago. He had been on the edge of a relapse for a couple of months and then just gave into it and started binge drinking vodka. He always said he loved me, I was the best thing that happened to him, he would always chose me over alcohol...etc. During a drinking binge, he said he couldn't even look at me and to leave him alone. I didn't then, but after coming home from work the next day and seeing him slumped over in a drunken mess, I left. He tried calling a couple times right after I left but I didn't answer. I received a text the next day that he will always love me, he's sorry, and that he has a problem (which he's always known). I wrote him back, saying that I had to jump off the sinking ship and I was really hurting. He replied with a comment about work. *eye roll*.
I tried calling a couple weeks later, no response, so I sent a text basically saying "I love you, I'm leaving you alone to work on yourself, you're a good man with a lot of demons, we both need space, get it together and then come find me". His reply was "I'm trying, I need to get it together, and I miss you".
That was four to five weeks ago. Now it's starting to sink in that I need to let go and give up hope and I'm having a really hard time. I love him, I'm in love with him, still. I miss the hell out of him but I haven't contacted him at all. I know it's pointless and I'm emotionally vulnerable, plus I said I would leave him alone and I can't go back on that. I've been working on myself, filling my life with positive things, and trying to keep busy. I just can't help but feel totally rejected and hurt. The silence is painful. In my fantasy of course he was going to think "I don't want to lose her forever, I'll get it together asap and contact her". I need to let that go. I know that in my head...my heart, not so much.

zoso77

London...

Welcome to the Board. My hope is you find our little corner of SR both informative and of great comfort to you during what I know is a tough time for you.

Our members will chime in soon; 'til they do, I've got a couple of things I'd like to share.

The end of a romantic relationship is always traumatic, but when alcohol or drugs is in the picture, it becomes that much more painful. That said, I believe you made the right decision for you by leaving him, even though I know it doesn't feel that way. Alcoholics don't have the bandwidth to be a responsible, accountable partner in a relationship. They're too busy numbing themselves.

You shouldn't take his silence personally. He's very sick. And if he were to get in touch with you, what good would that do? He's likely doing the same things he was doing prior to you leaving. How would that make you feel?

All you can do, London, is what you're already doing: stay busy doing positive things and keep pushing forward. Keep him in your heart, but allow him to choose his own course.

Again, Welcome to the Board.

AliWProk

London, I am so sorry to hear of your pain. It is SO hard to let go of someone we love, but it really is for the best, for both of you. When he's ready to get help, he knows what to do. In the meantime, have you been to Al Anon or Nar Anon? consider a meeting - you'll get lots of support from people who ARE THERE, in same place you are, right now. The stickies above help a lot too.

We're here for you, keep coming back!

tartel

london, i had a similar time just a few weeks ago. my situation was/is very similar to yours down to the content of the text messages. very similar. i felt the same too, hurting, missing him, but aware that he needed to get help on his own. i spent all day trying to building up this armour of positivity, got very little and restless sleep, and always woke up with this ache in my belly, feeling defenceless and alone and raw in the morning.

i think it will help you to get some degree of peace if you accept the fact that, like zoso said, he will need to choose his own course. there is nothing you can do. you just need to give him time and decide whether you want to be with him or not. however you can, you try to be peaceful and hold on strong to your resolution. this forum helped me a lot, i read through the archives and found so many people in the same situation as me.

i wish you the best.

London14

Thank you so much for your kind words. I've found myself snapping out of my funk a bit after finding this site. It's just hard when there is someone amazing underneath all the poison but it's not my problem and I've done all I can.