Finally had enough...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 19
Finally had enough...
I posted this on another forum but I think it is more relevant for sober recovery....
This is going to be long everyone so please be patient with me.
In 1995 I met a married woman who I feel in love with and we begin to have an affair. I was not married at the time which does not make a difference regardless, I am still to blame for what I did. I did not care at the time but as I have gotten older I have leaned to regret my actions. The affair ended and the husband found out.
We lost contact and she ended up finding me on social media in 2006. She was still married at the time and I was not. However, we both were living in different states. The flame was rekindled and she eventually left her husband for me. I moved back to the same state and we then got an apartment together. For reference I work overseas a lot and have to stay going for various lengths of time.
In 2009 I went ahead and asked her to marry me and she accepted. During the time of the engagement I began to notice odd behavior. She was constantly running over to a girlfriends house and would stay all the time. At this time I began to notice patterns with money and other various expense not seeming right. This is when I first got my suspicions about pills. I did not ask because I guess I was in denial about her doing anything and turned a blind eye.
In Dec 2010 we were married and held the wedding in our house. Shortly after the wedding I had to deploy with the army overseas for a year trip. While I was overseas I saw money flying out the door and expenses going through the roof. I cut her off the checking account and she kept telling me this is what happens when you are married, referring to expenses.
When I got back home Dec 2011 things felt very strange and I figured it was from the deployment and everything else. We went and had dinner and she told me that while I was gone she had been sexually assaulted in the parking lot of a retail store. I was obviously concerned and wanted to call the police, I have a law enforcement background and know the lot has a cctv camera systems. She refused to get law enforcement involved and I tried to understand and let it go.
Not long after that I kept seeing money missing and other odd behaviors. I finally sat her down one day and asked directly if she had a drug problem. I told her if she did I would spare no expense in getting her the help she, and we, would need. She told me no and once again I let it go at that. Upon return home from work, I found all my jewelry was missing out of my drawers. She told me someone else must have take it and should let it go.
I got on the phone with the police department and while on the phone she told me to hang up the phone and she wanted a divorce. I was caught off guard with that and we had a long talk. We did not get divorce and she said she would get off the pills. Unfortunately she never got off the pills and the situation began to deteriorate very quickly. Finally I told her either you get the drugs or your marriage. It was during this time I was told by a person, the sexual assault was consensual sex for drugs.
She finally checked into rehab Feb 2013 after a long fight and started getting the help she needed. I was in love with her all over again and believed we had a chance. She was there about 37 days and then left. I was very uncomfortable with her leaving so soon. I kept telling her to make sure she got a sponsor, went to meetings, and talk to a councilor. She refused to do that and I even invited her to attend alanon meeting with me but she refused. It was not too long afterward I began to see the same patterns developing and I started to get distant and more madder everyday.
It got to the point she would not work, stay up all night, and sleep all day. I began to feel very disconnected and was at wits end. Once again I saw unexplained disappearances and money going out the door. It was at this time I met a young girl who in began to have an emotional affair with, no sex or anything but I just wanted someone to talk to while I was home. In Jan 2014 my emotional affair was found out and I was trashed by her for what I did. Then she commenced to burn me down with my step kids. I felt a heavy since of regret and felt a lot of shame for my actions.
It was during the time I kept taking my beating and I noticed that her wedding set was gone. I asked her what happen to her rings and she kept telling me they were at her mothers or with her daughter. After a few months she finally admitted that she sold them and you guessed it, that was my fault too because I had been talking to another woman six months prior.
Seeing the direction we were headed I then asked her, as I have do previously, for us to go to counciling, of course she refused and we have been on a path to self destruction ever since. She wanted to beat me down for my screw up but I could not get her to deal with the reoccurring drug issue. And that is where we stood up till recently.
About 2 weeks ago I was checking phone and credit card bills and found a number and location that kept popping up. I did a little checking and was able to piece together the that she has been talking to another man since Oct 2013 and has gone to see him while I am gone on my job on three different occasions since Oct 2014. I blew a gasket and was running through all the emotions. I yelled and screamed that she had burned me down and was doing the same thing the whole time.
We had a big yelling screaming phone call ugly text messages and now she says she is moving out of my house. So that is where I am at. It pisses me off that this woman was using drugs and cheating on me the whole time I was getting beat up. I screwed up but to be burned down everyday by this hypocrite while she was talking and spending the night with a man while I am overseas is reprehensible.
I guess you could say I am getting what I deserve and should accept what has happened. I regret my actions but in a way I still care about her but I have to take care of myself now. I think this maybe defined as a toxic relationship and I should just move on.mi really can't get over being pissed off right now.
I figure you guys are going to beat me up, I am ready.
This is going to be long everyone so please be patient with me.
In 1995 I met a married woman who I feel in love with and we begin to have an affair. I was not married at the time which does not make a difference regardless, I am still to blame for what I did. I did not care at the time but as I have gotten older I have leaned to regret my actions. The affair ended and the husband found out.
We lost contact and she ended up finding me on social media in 2006. She was still married at the time and I was not. However, we both were living in different states. The flame was rekindled and she eventually left her husband for me. I moved back to the same state and we then got an apartment together. For reference I work overseas a lot and have to stay going for various lengths of time.
In 2009 I went ahead and asked her to marry me and she accepted. During the time of the engagement I began to notice odd behavior. She was constantly running over to a girlfriends house and would stay all the time. At this time I began to notice patterns with money and other various expense not seeming right. This is when I first got my suspicions about pills. I did not ask because I guess I was in denial about her doing anything and turned a blind eye.
In Dec 2010 we were married and held the wedding in our house. Shortly after the wedding I had to deploy with the army overseas for a year trip. While I was overseas I saw money flying out the door and expenses going through the roof. I cut her off the checking account and she kept telling me this is what happens when you are married, referring to expenses.
When I got back home Dec 2011 things felt very strange and I figured it was from the deployment and everything else. We went and had dinner and she told me that while I was gone she had been sexually assaulted in the parking lot of a retail store. I was obviously concerned and wanted to call the police, I have a law enforcement background and know the lot has a cctv camera systems. She refused to get law enforcement involved and I tried to understand and let it go.
Not long after that I kept seeing money missing and other odd behaviors. I finally sat her down one day and asked directly if she had a drug problem. I told her if she did I would spare no expense in getting her the help she, and we, would need. She told me no and once again I let it go at that. Upon return home from work, I found all my jewelry was missing out of my drawers. She told me someone else must have take it and should let it go.
I got on the phone with the police department and while on the phone she told me to hang up the phone and she wanted a divorce. I was caught off guard with that and we had a long talk. We did not get divorce and she said she would get off the pills. Unfortunately she never got off the pills and the situation began to deteriorate very quickly. Finally I told her either you get the drugs or your marriage. It was during this time I was told by a person, the sexual assault was consensual sex for drugs.
She finally checked into rehab Feb 2013 after a long fight and started getting the help she needed. I was in love with her all over again and believed we had a chance. She was there about 37 days and then left. I was very uncomfortable with her leaving so soon. I kept telling her to make sure she got a sponsor, went to meetings, and talk to a councilor. She refused to do that and I even invited her to attend alanon meeting with me but she refused. It was not too long afterward I began to see the same patterns developing and I started to get distant and more madder everyday.
It got to the point she would not work, stay up all night, and sleep all day. I began to feel very disconnected and was at wits end. Once again I saw unexplained disappearances and money going out the door. It was at this time I met a young girl who in began to have an emotional affair with, no sex or anything but I just wanted someone to talk to while I was home. In Jan 2014 my emotional affair was found out and I was trashed by her for what I did. Then she commenced to burn me down with my step kids. I felt a heavy since of regret and felt a lot of shame for my actions.
It was during the time I kept taking my beating and I noticed that her wedding set was gone. I asked her what happen to her rings and she kept telling me they were at her mothers or with her daughter. After a few months she finally admitted that she sold them and you guessed it, that was my fault too because I had been talking to another woman six months prior.
Seeing the direction we were headed I then asked her, as I have do previously, for us to go to counciling, of course she refused and we have been on a path to self destruction ever since. She wanted to beat me down for my screw up but I could not get her to deal with the reoccurring drug issue. And that is where we stood up till recently.
About 2 weeks ago I was checking phone and credit card bills and found a number and location that kept popping up. I did a little checking and was able to piece together the that she has been talking to another man since Oct 2013 and has gone to see him while I am gone on my job on three different occasions since Oct 2014. I blew a gasket and was running through all the emotions. I yelled and screamed that she had burned me down and was doing the same thing the whole time.
We had a big yelling screaming phone call ugly text messages and now she says she is moving out of my house. So that is where I am at. It pisses me off that this woman was using drugs and cheating on me the whole time I was getting beat up. I screwed up but to be burned down everyday by this hypocrite while she was talking and spending the night with a man while I am overseas is reprehensible.
I guess you could say I am getting what I deserve and should accept what has happened. I regret my actions but in a way I still care about her but I have to take care of myself now. I think this maybe defined as a toxic relationship and I should just move on.mi really can't get over being pissed off right now.
I figure you guys are going to beat me up, I am ready.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I am not going to beat you up, we all make mistakes and there seems to be enough on both sides to go around.
I do agree that the relationship appears toxic and it may be time to end it and move on if you are ready to do that. I don't see her changing anytime soon.
The one thing I will point out is that her addiction is a separate issue here. This is HER issue. She needs to deal with it, not you, and it does not appear she is willing to do that yet.
In the mean time, take care of yourself.
I do agree that the relationship appears toxic and it may be time to end it and move on if you are ready to do that. I don't see her changing anytime soon.
The one thing I will point out is that her addiction is a separate issue here. This is HER issue. She needs to deal with it, not you, and it does not appear she is willing to do that yet.
In the mean time, take care of yourself.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Destroyed, I wish you had chosen another name, because although life is bad right now, you still have a future where it can be so much better.
Your AW has no intention of changing, giving up her addiction or even staying faithful. At least she's not misleading you by making promises she has no intention of keeping.
You might find she's suddenly terribly sorry, is going to reform, etc etc. It happens when A's lose their means of support. Always look at the actions rather than listening to the words.
Have you considered attending Nar-anon, which is for F&F of addicts, rather than the addicts themselves? You'll meet people who have similar stories and understand what you're going through.
Your AW has no intention of changing, giving up her addiction or even staying faithful. At least she's not misleading you by making promises she has no intention of keeping.
You might find she's suddenly terribly sorry, is going to reform, etc etc. It happens when A's lose their means of support. Always look at the actions rather than listening to the words.
Have you considered attending Nar-anon, which is for F&F of addicts, rather than the addicts themselves? You'll meet people who have similar stories and understand what you're going through.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Have you been to a lawyer?
Seperated your accounts?
Do the above ASAP if not, no matter what you choose to do,
though I agree it seems like a pretty toxic situation and the drug use is up to her to deal with, not you.
Sorry you are going through this--I agree she may come back with promises of change
if the next leapfrog man doesn't pan out, but I wouldn't buy it.
Proceed to protect yourself and your assets as drug use is pretty expensive stuff, as you've learned to your detriment.
Seperated your accounts?
Do the above ASAP if not, no matter what you choose to do,
though I agree it seems like a pretty toxic situation and the drug use is up to her to deal with, not you.
Sorry you are going through this--I agree she may come back with promises of change
if the next leapfrog man doesn't pan out, but I wouldn't buy it.
Proceed to protect yourself and your assets as drug use is pretty expensive stuff, as you've learned to your detriment.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I figure you guys are going to beat me up, I am ready.
Other members have greeted you and given you feedback, so I guess it's my turn to do the same.
I suspect that there is more than addiction issues with her. And it does not surprise me that she was unfaithful to you. Why? Because she was cheating on her husband 20 years ago with you. Maybe deep down you knew on some level that she was capable of something like this, but you loved her and you wanted to believe that the connection you had with her was the real deal. For you, it was. For her...like I said, I suspect there is something else going on with her in addition to addiction.
And now we are where we are, and I'm sorry that you're hurting so. Right now, though, is a time where you have to protect yourself. Hawkeye has given you some good feedback, and I would pay attention to it.
Please keep us posted going forward. Once you get 5 posts under your belt, you'll be able to PM members, so if you'd like to discuss things privately with me, I'll be glad to.
Again, Welcome to the Board.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
You have gotten good input, I just also wanted to jump in and welcome you to SR! There is great support here! As Zoso said, we don't roll with criticism. We are here to support you! It may not always be what you want to hear, but it is always said with a kind heart and with good intentions in mind!
Welcome!
Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
No, no beating here although at times we may not like what others have to say. And usually that is because we are not ready to hear/see reality. We are often still trying to spin it, still trying to bargain and hold onto hope.
One of the best things I have learned from my experience with a relationship with an addict is that the best compass we can use to predict future behavior is with past behaviors.
I agree with zoso, cheating and drugs are two separate issues. She was married and had no respect for “commitment” 20 years ago and that has not changed.
Addicts blame – it’s what they do, it’s how addiction survives. Sure you made a mistake but that mistake didn’t and doesn’t cause her addiction.
I’m guessing her addiction was there long before you came into the picture and then came back again into the picture.
If you keep going through high-highs, low-lows, desperation, self-loathing, vindication, relief, depression and confusion. I have a message for you: love doesn’t feel like this.
One of the best things I have learned from my experience with a relationship with an addict is that the best compass we can use to predict future behavior is with past behaviors.
I agree with zoso, cheating and drugs are two separate issues. She was married and had no respect for “commitment” 20 years ago and that has not changed.
Addicts blame – it’s what they do, it’s how addiction survives. Sure you made a mistake but that mistake didn’t and doesn’t cause her addiction.
I’m guessing her addiction was there long before you came into the picture and then came back again into the picture.
If you keep going through high-highs, low-lows, desperation, self-loathing, vindication, relief, depression and confusion. I have a message for you: love doesn’t feel like this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
I'm so sorry for what your going through. Drugs destroy families and lives. It's a very capable disease to ruin anything good. The stickies on the page helped me enormously.
Unfortunately there's nothing we can do to "help" the person. They have to help themselves and that choice isn't up to us. No amount of begging, manipulation or bribing will do any good. We have all tried. The 3 C's. You didn't Cause it, You can't Cure it and you can't Control it.
Sorry.
Unfortunately there's nothing we can do to "help" the person. They have to help themselves and that choice isn't up to us. No amount of begging, manipulation or bribing will do any good. We have all tried. The 3 C's. You didn't Cause it, You can't Cure it and you can't Control it.
Sorry.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i think you are beating yourself up enough D! look, things happen, we make choices that later could be deemed a mistake, or "another growth opportunity" and we can wonder "what the hell was i thinking???". you two did a lot of damage to each other, but more importantly to yourselves, to your souls.
NOW, here, today, you can start to "recover" and heal from the pain. but you also need to be smart and take care of your financial/legal house too.
i bet a lot of the anger you feel goes both ways......outwards and inwards. and it wil probably take longer than til this time next week for that to subside. go slow. cut yourself a bit of slack. do the next WISE thing, avoid rash impulsive acts.
NOW, here, today, you can start to "recover" and heal from the pain. but you also need to be smart and take care of your financial/legal house too.
i bet a lot of the anger you feel goes both ways......outwards and inwards. and it wil probably take longer than til this time next week for that to subside. go slow. cut yourself a bit of slack. do the next WISE thing, avoid rash impulsive acts.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 19
Thanks for all of the advice, it is making my decision process a little less difficult.
I am starting to think back about a lot of things and have realized I focused so much on the drug addiction that I lost focus on the possibility of the affair. Hindsight being 20/20, everything was right in front of me, she was staying out late, claiming to be one place and not, and a lot of other things. Regardless of all that, the thing that pisses me off more than anything was the fact I was getting accused of talking to someone the whole time she was cheating. She destroyed my reputation with friends and family alike and she was the one out there having the affair.....AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!
Make no mistake I was wrong talking to the young girl I met before but I surely did not deserved to get kicked in the balls by this hypocrite. Anyway, she told me she was leaving the house but I have heard that for months now. Last I heard she is still in the house and has not left the keys with the neighbors as I requested. So I don't know what is going on. I am currently overseas with my job and since we don't speak I have no idea what is happening. I do know she got her own cell phone, I figure it is so I can't track her numbers anymore. I am not sure what she is going to do because she has no job or any other source of income. I hope her new boyfriend realizes what he is about to inherit with this train wreck, I almost have to think better him than me now.
I guess no matter everything that happened I did love her very much once and still will have a soft spot in my heart. But there has just been too much damage done and certain things I just can't forgive. Well I will eventually forgive, but I can never forget. I figure she will get deeper into the addiction and eventually hit rock bottom. What scares me is getting that call.
I am starting to think back about a lot of things and have realized I focused so much on the drug addiction that I lost focus on the possibility of the affair. Hindsight being 20/20, everything was right in front of me, she was staying out late, claiming to be one place and not, and a lot of other things. Regardless of all that, the thing that pisses me off more than anything was the fact I was getting accused of talking to someone the whole time she was cheating. She destroyed my reputation with friends and family alike and she was the one out there having the affair.....AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!
Make no mistake I was wrong talking to the young girl I met before but I surely did not deserved to get kicked in the balls by this hypocrite. Anyway, she told me she was leaving the house but I have heard that for months now. Last I heard she is still in the house and has not left the keys with the neighbors as I requested. So I don't know what is going on. I am currently overseas with my job and since we don't speak I have no idea what is happening. I do know she got her own cell phone, I figure it is so I can't track her numbers anymore. I am not sure what she is going to do because she has no job or any other source of income. I hope her new boyfriend realizes what he is about to inherit with this train wreck, I almost have to think better him than me now.
I guess no matter everything that happened I did love her very much once and still will have a soft spot in my heart. But there has just been too much damage done and certain things I just can't forgive. Well I will eventually forgive, but I can never forget. I figure she will get deeper into the addiction and eventually hit rock bottom. What scares me is getting that call.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I figure she will get deeper into the addiction and eventually hit rock bottom. What scares me is getting that call.
More to the point, where does it say you have to answer that phone call? As myself and atalose have noted, there is something else going on with her in addition to her addiction issues. What women like her try to do is weasel their way back in to our lives. And maybe they'll be on their best behavior for a short time. But it never lasts, and you'll end up right back where you were, wondering why you fell for it again.
Just something for you to think about.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 19
I feel you op. She does not sound like she has much strength of character. Maybe the drugs eroded it, maybe she never had it.
I find myself deluding myself about the reality of my husbands behavior because I don't really want to think about what is in me that caused me to pick this person. But I need to do that. Sometimes I want to believe he will get better because that will justify the bad decisions I made. So far, that hasn't worked out too well for me. Hope we both can find a better path.
I find myself deluding myself about the reality of my husbands behavior because I don't really want to think about what is in me that caused me to pick this person. But I need to do that. Sometimes I want to believe he will get better because that will justify the bad decisions I made. So far, that hasn't worked out too well for me. Hope we both can find a better path.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh wow. Is the house in your name or both? She is clearly not stable, I would definitely have someone checking on my house while overseas.
I am sorry to say this, but you need a divorce and a STD test. SHE HAD SEX FOR DRUGS. She has a serious problem and it's hard telling what she is carrying around. I am so sorry to say this, and I don't say it to hurt you. Just want you to take care of your health.
While it will be hard, the best thing you can do is cut this woman out of your life as soon as you can, she is toxic.
Hugs to you, I know it's hard. Please take good care of yourself.
I am sorry to say this, but you need a divorce and a STD test. SHE HAD SEX FOR DRUGS. She has a serious problem and it's hard telling what she is carrying around. I am so sorry to say this, and I don't say it to hurt you. Just want you to take care of your health.
While it will be hard, the best thing you can do is cut this woman out of your life as soon as you can, she is toxic.
Hugs to you, I know it's hard. Please take good care of yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 19
Hi everyone, I am back and just wanted to reach out to you guys. My wife and I have not spoken for almost a month now and I feel like I am starting to get stronger every day. I had a feeling this was coming for a long time so I guess it lessens the shock a little bit. When I start wondering what I could have done right or wrong and getting upset I think back to some of the things that happened...selling her wedding rings, stealing money and jewelry from me, refusing to work or make any other financial contributions to us, and etc. Then I think about the money I spent on rehab and the effort made trying to get her into therapy, counseling, NA Meetings, and of course sponsors. The thing that really pushes me over the edge is her spending time with this man while I am overseas. Oh, and I was the one getting accused of screwing someone the whole time...hypocrisy is a major issue for me. Eventually I think to myself that I made a couple mistakes but I don't deserve this.
I have been making all the financial plans I could, thanks for the advice everyone. I am getting her off the bank account, removing all the joint credit card accounts, and so forth. She is still in my house and that pisses me off but I am hoping her new boyfriend will be taking over all this stuff soon. I have spoken to a lawyer and he has let me know my responsibilities until the final divorce decree. I will be willing to pay off her car and insurance but as soon as it it paid off she has to deal with the insurance and all the other stuff. All other obligations end with the finalization of the divorce. Right now I am worried about her being in my house and not working, I hope she is not selling things out of the house. The attorney says I have to take a hit on that one because of the community property laws.
I guess it is safe to say I did everything I could do for her, the marriage, and so forth. Now I am going to focus on myself, surround myself with friends and family who care, and just weather out the rest of the storm.
I have been making all the financial plans I could, thanks for the advice everyone. I am getting her off the bank account, removing all the joint credit card accounts, and so forth. She is still in my house and that pisses me off but I am hoping her new boyfriend will be taking over all this stuff soon. I have spoken to a lawyer and he has let me know my responsibilities until the final divorce decree. I will be willing to pay off her car and insurance but as soon as it it paid off she has to deal with the insurance and all the other stuff. All other obligations end with the finalization of the divorce. Right now I am worried about her being in my house and not working, I hope she is not selling things out of the house. The attorney says I have to take a hit on that one because of the community property laws.
I guess it is safe to say I did everything I could do for her, the marriage, and so forth. Now I am going to focus on myself, surround myself with friends and family who care, and just weather out the rest of the storm.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: WI
Posts: 240
Thank you for the update. Your doing positive things to help yourself, taking action everyday towards helping yourself, no matter how big or small, will help you cope during this difficult time. I'm about mid-way or so through my divorce with my AH. I understand your anger. We have been separated for 15 months and I still deal with the anger/sadness at least sometimes. It's so cliche and I say it over and over but in regards to feelings, sometimes we have to give time it's time to do it's work on us and when we do that, it really does help. Just some practical things, I've learned to look for the things that trigger the feelings that I have the most difficulty dealing with which is anger too at AH and then come up with alternate ways of coping with that specific trigger. For example, seeing photos of us, I packed them away. Hearing a song that reminds me of him, I change it to something that instead sounds the way I would prefer to feel. Sounds simple right? Believe it or not though, it's very deliberate and methodical but it helps with practice. And when all my coping mechanisms in place just don't cut it, I choose to either just feel it and get it out of my system by writing it down or go to a meeting for some empathetic ears. I literally wrote down a list and my children each did their own, to keep handy when our anger and/or sadness is so overwhelming, we can't remember what our coping mechanisms are. These are just a couple things I've learned as I've also been seeing a counselor as I also explore why I chose to be with this person in the first place as I've recognized his general character is a pattern I have repeatedly brought into my life over the years. Good luck and best wishes!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 19
Hope you guys don't mind me bringing this back.....
It has been about six weeks since we spoke, I have been doing the "no contact" thing for my own sanity. However, she has not tried to contact me either. I think it can be a good thing because I have not been insulted or hung up on since that time we spoke. She would hang up on me intentionally because she knows it is my pet peeve and calling from overseas it pissed me off even more. I found out she was still in my house as of a couple days ago and she never left the keys with the neighbor like I asked.
I don't know how she is getting money unless she got a job but that is unlikely. I am afraid she maybe selling things out of the house or worse yet dealing to make money and supply the addiction. I am pretty sure she has not gotten clean unless something dramatic happened over the past few weeks that helped a years long addictin. Be that as it may, I have cut off her money because I can't be an enabler anymore but I hope she is not hurting or going hungry.
I am not sure what I am going to run into in a few weeks when I get home but one of us needs to be out of the house for the separation process to be valid. I would guess she would have moved in with her boyfriend by now but it appears that has not come to pass. I keep waiting to be upset but it has not happen like I thought, I guess I knew in my mind it was inevitable. I feel really calm and focused on what needs to happen with the separation and divorce.
No matter what happens I would give anything for her to get help and deal with the addiction but there is nothing I can do about that. I have a feeling that her new boyfriend and other questionable friends are the center piece of her addiction world right now.
Good words of encouragement are appreciated everybody. Oh, and I wish everyone the best in your own situations.
It has been about six weeks since we spoke, I have been doing the "no contact" thing for my own sanity. However, she has not tried to contact me either. I think it can be a good thing because I have not been insulted or hung up on since that time we spoke. She would hang up on me intentionally because she knows it is my pet peeve and calling from overseas it pissed me off even more. I found out she was still in my house as of a couple days ago and she never left the keys with the neighbor like I asked.
I don't know how she is getting money unless she got a job but that is unlikely. I am afraid she maybe selling things out of the house or worse yet dealing to make money and supply the addiction. I am pretty sure she has not gotten clean unless something dramatic happened over the past few weeks that helped a years long addictin. Be that as it may, I have cut off her money because I can't be an enabler anymore but I hope she is not hurting or going hungry.
I am not sure what I am going to run into in a few weeks when I get home but one of us needs to be out of the house for the separation process to be valid. I would guess she would have moved in with her boyfriend by now but it appears that has not come to pass. I keep waiting to be upset but it has not happen like I thought, I guess I knew in my mind it was inevitable. I feel really calm and focused on what needs to happen with the separation and divorce.
No matter what happens I would give anything for her to get help and deal with the addiction but there is nothing I can do about that. I have a feeling that her new boyfriend and other questionable friends are the center piece of her addiction world right now.
Good words of encouragement are appreciated everybody. Oh, and I wish everyone the best in your own situations.
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