A Cautionary Tale

Old 03-07-2015, 08:45 PM
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A Cautionary Tale

Saw my masseuse this afternoon, who really is a good friend that beats the crap out of my body when required. Her husband has had his struggles with alcoholism as of late after having nearly two years of sobriety. He refused to go into treatment, telling her he could get it under control.

Well, yesterday he was bagged for OUI and assaulted the arresting officer. He's got a court date early next week, at which time my masseuse is going to insist he goes into treatment because she will not allow him to go home. From the way the police described his behavior to her, it is also possible he was under the influence of cocaine at the time of his arrest.

Nothing surprises me much here. We read about stuff like this here at FFSA and FFA pretty often. But it still amazes me what people under the influence give themselves permission to do. The power that drugs and alcohol have on people can never be underestimated. Yet the alcoholic or addict truly believes they can pick up without paying a price.

And what sort of price is he going to pay now?

Oh, a big one. A ginormous one. Assaulting a cop, generally speaking, is not a wise move and could likely put him in the clink. There is a very strong chance he will lose his job. And his marriage is for all intents and purpose over. Stick a fork in it. She's done.

I feel for her. I don't feel at all bad for him. Strange how that works, isn't it? As some of you may remember, my niece was recently in treatment for alcoholism, and that broke my heart. Maybe it's as simple is my niece is my niece, and I don't know this guy save for what my masseuse tells me.

But it's also true that my niece is half this guy's age, and she reached out to her family for help because she understood she couldn't continue on her current path. She lunged for a chance at sobriety, and while time will tell if she gets there, where she's young, I'm cautiously hopeful for the long term.

This guy has been beating the crap out of his body all his adult life with booze and blow. His wife stayed through it all, his employer kept him on, and supported him when he got sober. Then after two years sober, he through it away. Well, the dude's going to pay for it now. Big time. The best thing that should happen to him is that he fully experiences the consequences of his actions.

Of course, as most of us know, some people don't have a bottom. Some people don't learn. Some people lie to themselves every time they pick up, and blame this person or that event when bad things happen. Some people just don't get honest with themselves, and never will. He's one of those people.

My hope is in the days and weeks to come, my masseuse re-engages with Al Anon, which has helped her in the past. She's got a lot of friends and family, all of whom support her 100%. All I could tell her was basically, buckle up. Because this is about to get f'ugly.
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Old 03-08-2015, 11:20 AM
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I pray she finds the strength to carry through her plan to find a better life, Zoso.

It's easy for me to forget, when someone tells me their sad story of how drugs and addiction are bringing down a loved one and ruining their lives, that they don't know what we know...yet. I don't judge, I don't scold or belittle ever, I just offer a hug and direct them to the nearest Al-anon, Nar-anon or CoDA meeting, often offering to go with them to the first one.

She's only beginning her journey, I pray she is wiser and quicker to learn than I was with my son. It can be a short journey or a long one, but at least it all leads to a better place of serenity.

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Old 03-29-2015, 09:27 PM
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You're right, it's so true. For some there is no rock bottom. I'm another one of those wives who are out there going through it. My husband once had a six figure income. We had a nice house in a middle upper class subdivision, nice retirement funds set up, stocks, our farm. A nice, quiet life. Nice and boring and quiet. And I was thankful to God for every blessing since that was a far cry from anything I had ever known before. I am so lucky and grateful that I had still been able to keep our farm for my children and I to retreat to. All of it is gone now except the farm which I moved to when we separated and we lost the other house after he lost his job. He's lost his health and now he's losing his family soon. The money, the assets, all gone too. Thank God we hadn't lost that farm. He must have saved it for us. A gift for my kids and I. My AH lost everything for drugs. It speaks to the power of that demon, the hold it has on them. I hope your friend goes forward with strength and self confidence that she can endure and make it through whatever decisions she has to make. I feel for the loses big and small that she will have to get through. Us wives who've been there, know what's coming. It's not easy, but all things worth it are never really easy. I'll pray for her.
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