Support needed: How to let go of an addict!
 

Me and my boyfriend broke up today after an argument when i went visit him in rehab. He's been there for 4 weeks now and we've been okay and I'm 5 months pregnant so I planned to wait for him and support him through his recovery. His honesty is not getting better and blames me for everything so I told him I'm done and not to call me. This happened today and now I'm breaking down and I'm so lost and don't know what to do. He was my best friend and I have no family to turn to. Please help me. I just don't know what to do or think anymore.

The argument started when he told me I couldn't be there bc he didn't have visitor privileges and i was unaware and drove 2 hours to see him. after I asked questions and told him his dad had talked to his councilor and he didn't say anything about no visiting and he got mad and started yelling at me to leave or he'd get someone to make me. I got mad and told him I'm done and told him he wouldn't see me or the baby and he yelled "good!"

kylad...

I'm really, really sorry that you have to go through this. Breakups are never easy, but they are much harder when drugs and a pregnancy is in the mix.

All I can tell you, kylad, is sometimes in life, we have to go through painful times. Times that suck. Times that are simply unbearable. For you, sadly, this is one of those times. However, may I gently suggest that this may be for the best, both for you and your unborn baby. Addicts do not make reliable partners or parents, and by your own admission, he's dishonest and he refuses to accept responsibility for his choices. You made a very tough, very courageous decisions. I know it hurts like hell, but I believe you made the right call.

Do you have friends in the area, kylad?

Sadly, no. I lost many friends because of him and my only real friend lives a state away. I live with his dad right now and he's really the only person I talk to.

This is sadly very common in the beginning stages of recovery. It happened often when my AH would get clean, he would feel full on life and depressed and start thinking negatively of me and have a skewed view of the situation. It may get better, if he sticks to recovery and staying clean, it may not. In the meantime I really would suggest no contact with him. It's very hard and very lonely, but you don't need that extra stress right now (I know first hand.. I have a 6 month old and spent a lot of my pregnancy alone or revolving around his addiction or the roller coaster of his recoveries and anger and relapses). Your ex needs to deal with the emotional aspect of being clean and underlying issues, now that he's dealt with the physical part. It's a long process and a lot of heartache and not something you should feel responsible for or surround yourself with. Is there any chance you can visit family or anything? Try to branch out to a mommy group or prenatal yoga or something. Meet some other women. Or join a support group in your area. I ended up getting severe postpartum depression because of my environment. Don't do that to yourself or your baby. Hugs x

OK, kylad. One step at a time. You need your rest. Make sure you hydrate and have something healthy to eat. Hydration will flush all the cortisol out of your system, and you'll feel less on edge.

Just get through the rest of today. Tomorrow's another day.

Please, please keep us posted. We're all here for you, OK?

I really appreciate the support and positive vibes. I really need this right now. And no, I don't have family.. I'm close to his and he was my best friend and really the only person. I had to turn to. I'm trying to keep my head up and not let him suck me in. It's very hard when he was my one and only and I'll never stop loving him. I hope and pray he will get better and that we can continue our life we always planned to have together. I know he will call next chance he gets and I'm really not sure if i should answer or not. I want him to have a peaceful mind finishing up his recovery there, but he also needs to know I'm not putting up with that kind of behavior. I'm still not sure how to handle it yet..

Did you and your AH end up working out?
did he change for the better?

It is important to try and focus on your health and the health of your baby. Try not to worry about what your ex will or won't do, only time will tell. I know it is hard, but you have to try to stop worrying about him and put the focus on you. Join a support group of any kind, surround yourself with healthy individuals who live life peacefully.