what to do
lesa
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: parkersburg wv
Posts: 157
what to do
so many of you know me I posted about my husband beening a addict .he get more how much does a person have to go thru ..my daughter is one too.she has for kids state took ..she lost her right and not allowed to see them,,still not enough to change ..I don't know what to do ..she calls for money food ect ..I told her no ..she have to figure it out ..iam I wrong to do that ..please what can I do ..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
lesa - sorry for what you are going through. As far as how much does it take to get someone to stop? It's different for everyone.
I'm an RA, I had to pretty much lose everything and my loved ones allowed that to happen, I chose recovery.
It doesn't work like that for everyone.
As someone who also has loved ones who are addicts, I allow them the dignity to live their life as they choose, even when they are making obviously bad choices. I allow them to deal with the consequences of their choices and I love from a distance.
I hope you keep reading and posting here, this forum has helped me tremendously.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm an RA, I had to pretty much lose everything and my loved ones allowed that to happen, I chose recovery.
It doesn't work like that for everyone.
As someone who also has loved ones who are addicts, I allow them the dignity to live their life as they choose, even when they are making obviously bad choices. I allow them to deal with the consequences of their choices and I love from a distance.
I hope you keep reading and posting here, this forum has helped me tremendously.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by lesa 
so many of you know me I posted about my husband beening a addict .he get more how much does a person have to go thru ..my daughter is one too.she has for kids state took ..she lost her right and not allowed to see them,,still not enough to change ..I don't know what to do ..she calls for money food ect ..I told her no ..she have to figure it out ..iam I wrong to do that ..please what can I do ..
Deep breath. Try to relax a little bit.
The truth is we have no control over someone else's addiction. Just as you cannot control what your AH does, you also cannot control what your AD does.
And it sucks. And it's awful. And it's not fair. But when the people we love more than anyone make horrible decisions, we can't save them from themselves. Thus, for our own well being and for our own sanity, we detach as best we can.
We have a new forum, lesa. It's for the family members of addicts and alcoholics. There are a lot of moms and wives just like you who are in various stages of recovery. Maybe you should check it out? The link is here:
NEW! Family Members of Addicts and Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
We're here for you. Keep posting and reaching out.
K9 Trainer, Ret. Sys Engr
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: California
Posts: 389
As long as they are active, they have the personality of the substance they use. You cannot fix them, you cannot enable them. My RA sister lost her daughter who died of alcohol and rx drug addiction before she got sober.
Unfortunately they have to hit their bottom.
I found, that AlAnon face to face meetings helped me to understand what I am responsible for. I am responsible for me and my dog. I have no children under 18. So just me and my dog. My husband is there for me, but I am not responsible for him either. Just me and my dog.
This kind of Guilt is a way of justifying not doing the right thing for ourselves.
I am so sorry for you pain. Stay strong, we are here.
Unfortunately they have to hit their bottom.
I found, that AlAnon face to face meetings helped me to understand what I am responsible for. I am responsible for me and my dog. I have no children under 18. So just me and my dog. My husband is there for me, but I am not responsible for him either. Just me and my dog.
This kind of Guilt is a way of justifying not doing the right thing for ourselves.
I am so sorry for you pain. Stay strong, we are here.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Lesa, I am sorry this continues for you and that you are scared and sad.
You are right to let her find her own way, helping her with food just leaves her more money for drugs.
You life has been hard for a long time Lesa, have you tried meetings yet? It might help you to have a support group in place to help you through the hard day.
Keeping you in my prayers, Lesa, it's hard to escape when you are surrounded by addiction. But you can rise above it, you've done that before and you are stronger and wiser than when you first began.
Hugs
You are right to let her find her own way, helping her with food just leaves her more money for drugs.
You life has been hard for a long time Lesa, have you tried meetings yet? It might help you to have a support group in place to help you through the hard day.
Keeping you in my prayers, Lesa, it's hard to escape when you are surrounded by addiction. But you can rise above it, you've done that before and you are stronger and wiser than when you first began.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 277
I am reaching out to say we are here...I have two sons active so I don't have a great deal of wisdom but I know your pain. Warm hugs coming your way. Find something for you. Breath breathe. I do that all day long .. .talk to myself... It helps. It's insane but it helps.
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