Firefall

I am not back, I am here wanting to give back. It has been almost a year since I found SR. In that time many changes happened.

I have removed myself from the person causing the chaos. It was heartbreaking, scaredy, and infuriating at times. Once I freed myself, sanity slowly returned. I found myself recognizing myself again.

For a week, these words kept going through my head, "Why did it take you so long? In the end it was so much easier than you thought." A friend here at SR said, "it is because you care" As these words were absorbed, I realized how true they were. However the sentence was incomplete it should read:

"You waited so long, because you cared more about them than you did for yourself."

Thank you to all my SR friends who helped me see my own self worth. Thank you for listening to my diatribes. Thank you for being there as I grow stronger and remember how to smile again.

It was hard! But it was easy! ?? I still have my RA sis living here, but I am learning it is ok to let her be a bit peculiar as long as she is moving forward.
I cannot fix her anymore than I could fix her granddaughter whose darkness crushed me, but no more.

Now I plan to give back what I was given here, strengthen myself, and become ready to deal with things moment by moment.

Ann

Firefall, it is great to see you back and even better to hear how far you have come and how much better your life is today.

They say we can't keep it unless we give it away, so sharing your story with newcomers will help them and help you at the same time.

Welcome home.

SobRecNYC

Firefall, you were kind enough to reply to my post "Confused, Exhausted" and I just came across this post by you. I am moved by this post -- your words are full of optimism. You say you are here "wanting to give back" and in your reply to me and in this post, you already have. To know that you've come so far and seem to be in such a better place offers so much hope and promise to those of us new to the struggle or "stuck" in the midst of it. Thank you.

irisgardens

ah firefall...so happy to see you on SR and your post is awesome...I remember how you were when you joined and the fact that you can feel hope again is wonderful and wonderful. you are truly a strong woman and it is a pleasure to know you.

tartel

i think i am at the stage where you were then. at the first stage of "removing" myself. it is not so black and white, and having been caught up in a web of a addict/co-dependent relationship, there are emotional ties that bind you to the person. i guess the first few days are the hardest. the "giving up" is not just a decision, it is a process that we need to carry out to its end too. your post gives me hope, in a phantom future that will hopefully be better than now.

Firefall

Thank you All for stopping by.. my friends.here are so precious to me me. I never got called a whiner or complainer, never had to explain the oppression or hear vain silly words from those who could not possibly understand living with someone's addiction.
This was my refuge, my sanity, my strength when I had non of these things available.

For those of you new here, find those bits of wisdom drink them in. Make friends. I did not make a lot of friend requests, but the ones I did followed me,.messaged me, supported me. This gave me confidence.
Do that for yourselves.

Firefall

Tartel You are correct it is not black and white. Life never is. I had been trying for a long time to do what was best, but truly, didn't know what that was.
You have to work and grow through it. Everyone goes at their own pace.
I worried about the person, myself, my home, finances, loss, Tue uncertainty of the future until I became hopeless.
As it turns out, it is easier than I had anticipated. The future is no longer my big concern. Living today to the fullest is what I am focused on.

I sincerely believe you can get here too. There is no magic potion, time and contemplation, reading the experiences of those who have traveled the same Rroad posting your thoughts, feelings and challenges are healing.

Don't know why it works, it just does. Look forward to seeing more of you here.

Firefall

Ann your words are like a bouquet for the heart. Thank you.