Just an update (x-posted)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
Just an update (x-posted)
I've posted here before re: my recovering heroin addict husband.
Well, I've finally gotten to the bottom of all his wonky & downright crappy behavior:
He had been trying to wean himself off Suboxone alone, and was self-medicating with alcohol/pot to MASSIVE excess.
This has caused me to look at things a completely different way. While NOTHING excuses his behavior (verbally abusive, refusing to or unable to help take care of our baby son, drinking too much regularly, etc etc etc), it does at least partially explain it. He says that he hates that he's dependent on Suboxone & doesn't want our son to grow up with a Daddy who needs to take medication.
We have discussed this at length & he will be reentering his Suboxone treatment program, which includes counseling, group therapy & regular dr's visits. I realise that Suboxone, to many, is just another drug that one remains dependent on, but in our case, it really worked for my husband & he is able to have as close to a "normal" life as possible while taking it.
Essentially, he was truly in withdrawals to the point of being physically ill but was too embarrassed & ashamed of it all to tell me so that I could help him. Now that I KNOW what's really going on, I am less likely to just chalk his behavior up to laziness, relapse and/or a lack of desire to help out.
Added to this, he had a MAJOR breakthrough last night & finally, after being up with our baby 2 nights in a row, said:
"Wow. I think I got like...3 hours of sleep last night. And the night before. NOW I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL."
This is HUGE. I work fulltime AND had been the only caregiver for our son for quite some time as well as trying to take care of my son.
This is also the first time, EVER, in our two-year relationship including marriage, that he has acknowledged how I must & do feel. About anything.
So, I don't know if I would say I'm "happy" per se. I'm not sure total happiness is even possible with an RA significant other. So I'm striving for better stability, contentment, communication and HOPE. For both of us but most of all for our son.
Well, I've finally gotten to the bottom of all his wonky & downright crappy behavior:
He had been trying to wean himself off Suboxone alone, and was self-medicating with alcohol/pot to MASSIVE excess.
This has caused me to look at things a completely different way. While NOTHING excuses his behavior (verbally abusive, refusing to or unable to help take care of our baby son, drinking too much regularly, etc etc etc), it does at least partially explain it. He says that he hates that he's dependent on Suboxone & doesn't want our son to grow up with a Daddy who needs to take medication.
We have discussed this at length & he will be reentering his Suboxone treatment program, which includes counseling, group therapy & regular dr's visits. I realise that Suboxone, to many, is just another drug that one remains dependent on, but in our case, it really worked for my husband & he is able to have as close to a "normal" life as possible while taking it.
Essentially, he was truly in withdrawals to the point of being physically ill but was too embarrassed & ashamed of it all to tell me so that I could help him. Now that I KNOW what's really going on, I am less likely to just chalk his behavior up to laziness, relapse and/or a lack of desire to help out.
Added to this, he had a MAJOR breakthrough last night & finally, after being up with our baby 2 nights in a row, said:
"Wow. I think I got like...3 hours of sleep last night. And the night before. NOW I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL."
This is HUGE. I work fulltime AND had been the only caregiver for our son for quite some time as well as trying to take care of my son.
This is also the first time, EVER, in our two-year relationship including marriage, that he has acknowledged how I must & do feel. About anything.
So, I don't know if I would say I'm "happy" per se. I'm not sure total happiness is even possible with an RA significant other. So I'm striving for better stability, contentment, communication and HOPE. For both of us but most of all for our son.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Well, I hope things level out for both of you. Just be aware that this ride could get very, very bumpy. Be prepared for that...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
Hey, Zo. It already has been...and I'm aware. But I feel that to leave after what seems like a pretty major breakthrough would really be kicking him when he's down. I fully intend to make him sign an ROI so that I can discuss his treatment directly with his providers if need be, and that's just the start....
Thanks for always being a voice of reason around here
Thanks for always being a voice of reason around here
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Well, I respect that.
The one thing I will caution you on, however, is giving a lot of weight to a "pretty major breakthrough". The only way you will know if that has indeed happened is by looking at what he does over a good chunk of time.
But I know you know this.
Just be careful, and don't set yourself up for disappointment.
The one thing I will caution you on, however, is giving a lot of weight to a "pretty major breakthrough". The only way you will know if that has indeed happened is by looking at what he does over a good chunk of time.
But I know you know this.
Just be careful, and don't set yourself up for disappointment.
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