My husband needs help!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Greenville sc
Posts: 137
Im sorry that you are hurting. But I hope that you find your way and stand by the decisions you make. I am in a very similar situation in that my ah will forfeit the security of our home and finances for drugs but that's what addicts do.
Yes its hard to make changes that seem so painful. But today is one week of my ah being in detox/rehab and i can say this. I have the same tank of gas in my car and the same 13 bucks in my wallet. No major catastrophic events have occurred that required $20 or $40 by 3 pm. And overall its just been a nice break from the usual routine of chaos.
All this started a couple weeks ago when i found out about the using again and i put him out of my car and drove away. Yes it was cold and he had no money but he has managed to get into rehab and had a place to stay before hand. So we stay because we are sick in thinking we have some control over the situation. But 2e can't control them all we can control is us.
I hope you find strength and comfort here
Yes its hard to make changes that seem so painful. But today is one week of my ah being in detox/rehab and i can say this. I have the same tank of gas in my car and the same 13 bucks in my wallet. No major catastrophic events have occurred that required $20 or $40 by 3 pm. And overall its just been a nice break from the usual routine of chaos.
All this started a couple weeks ago when i found out about the using again and i put him out of my car and drove away. Yes it was cold and he had no money but he has managed to get into rehab and had a place to stay before hand. So we stay because we are sick in thinking we have some control over the situation. But 2e can't control them all we can control is us.
I hope you find strength and comfort here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Missouri
Posts: 24
I am still not too whippy with being able to go back and address
Those who comment by name so I apologize... I am still getting the hang of this site. I have to tell you all the commented today, I was very touched by the heartfelt advice as well as those who gave advice because they are either in my shoes or have been. I want to personally thank (Zoso, I don't know if I got your name right because I don't know how to go back and look from here. Lol) you have a very special gift. You have a way of explaining things from both perspectives and you what you say comes from your heart. Not just on my post but others I have read as well. I am sure you have positively impacted many lives. With that being said, thank you for caring about me and everyone else!! Blue chair, you were not harsh at all. I did say that I don't blame all of our Finicial troubles on his addiction although it has not helped one bit. His usage has not gotten worse since our money troubles. It's about the same. I think he has a lot of emotional things that have negatively impacted him that stems from his childhood. So i am sure those issues need to be addressed too.
I know I am leaving out some questions that were asked but like I said, I don't know how to get to them from here. To the ones that are in my same situation, I wish I had some advice for you because I know you did for me but at this point, I don't. I don't have this figured out yet, therefor, I don't feel I am in the position to give advice. To the person that wrote about your personal story, you did not ramble on and thank you for sharing your story with me. The more I read on here, especially those who are
Helping me, the more sense I am making of my situation.
Again, thank you everyone!!! It means so much to me that there are such kind hearted people on here willing to help me! God bless you all!!
Those who comment by name so I apologize... I am still getting the hang of this site. I have to tell you all the commented today, I was very touched by the heartfelt advice as well as those who gave advice because they are either in my shoes or have been. I want to personally thank (Zoso, I don't know if I got your name right because I don't know how to go back and look from here. Lol) you have a very special gift. You have a way of explaining things from both perspectives and you what you say comes from your heart. Not just on my post but others I have read as well. I am sure you have positively impacted many lives. With that being said, thank you for caring about me and everyone else!! Blue chair, you were not harsh at all. I did say that I don't blame all of our Finicial troubles on his addiction although it has not helped one bit. His usage has not gotten worse since our money troubles. It's about the same. I think he has a lot of emotional things that have negatively impacted him that stems from his childhood. So i am sure those issues need to be addressed too.
I know I am leaving out some questions that were asked but like I said, I don't know how to get to them from here. To the ones that are in my same situation, I wish I had some advice for you because I know you did for me but at this point, I don't. I don't have this figured out yet, therefor, I don't feel I am in the position to give advice. To the person that wrote about your personal story, you did not ramble on and thank you for sharing your story with me. The more I read on here, especially those who are
Helping me, the more sense I am making of my situation.
Again, thank you everyone!!! It means so much to me that there are such kind hearted people on here willing to help me! God bless you all!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 250
Hi Lost,
I just wanted to send you a hug and I'm glad you found SR, although I'm sorry for what has brought you here. There are a lot of people here who understand what you're going through.
One thing I learned here is that nothing changes if nothing changes. It becomes a never ending cycle until someone says "Enough!". It could be weeks, months, years, or even a lifetime. For your husband to achieve any kind of sobriety, he needs to be an active participant in the process. Whether it's counseling, a sponsor, a support group, therapy, etc., he has to take some steps to make it happen.
My husband was sober for a few years and then he relapsed. I was hoping he would work on his sobriety, but he just sank deeper and deeper into his addiction. I was feeling depressed, lonely, and anxious to the point where I was in physical pain from all the stress. I decided that this was not the life for me and I told him what my boundaries were (no drugs) and what the consequences would be (divorce). He continued to use and as hard as it was, I stuck to my boundary. I had to, otherwise I would have gone crazy.
Addiction is such a powerful disease, that it was making me sick too, even though I wasn't the one taking the drugs. It was making me doubt myself, question myself and live in a very unhealthy way. Since the divorce, I've had so much peace in my life and I've been able to spend more time with family and friends, as opposed to isolating myself, which is what I was doing before.
Only you can decide what is best for you and your kids, and whatever you decide to do, you'll find a lot of support here. I hope your husband reaches out and gets some help. But even if he doesn't, you can still work on your own recovery. Always remember that you have the power and choice to do what needs to be done. Sending you and your family lots of hugs and prayers.
I just wanted to send you a hug and I'm glad you found SR, although I'm sorry for what has brought you here. There are a lot of people here who understand what you're going through.
One thing I learned here is that nothing changes if nothing changes. It becomes a never ending cycle until someone says "Enough!". It could be weeks, months, years, or even a lifetime. For your husband to achieve any kind of sobriety, he needs to be an active participant in the process. Whether it's counseling, a sponsor, a support group, therapy, etc., he has to take some steps to make it happen.
My husband was sober for a few years and then he relapsed. I was hoping he would work on his sobriety, but he just sank deeper and deeper into his addiction. I was feeling depressed, lonely, and anxious to the point where I was in physical pain from all the stress. I decided that this was not the life for me and I told him what my boundaries were (no drugs) and what the consequences would be (divorce). He continued to use and as hard as it was, I stuck to my boundary. I had to, otherwise I would have gone crazy.
Addiction is such a powerful disease, that it was making me sick too, even though I wasn't the one taking the drugs. It was making me doubt myself, question myself and live in a very unhealthy way. Since the divorce, I've had so much peace in my life and I've been able to spend more time with family and friends, as opposed to isolating myself, which is what I was doing before.
Only you can decide what is best for you and your kids, and whatever you decide to do, you'll find a lot of support here. I hope your husband reaches out and gets some help. But even if he doesn't, you can still work on your own recovery. Always remember that you have the power and choice to do what needs to be done. Sending you and your family lots of hugs and prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: NC
Posts: 15
Hi Lost! Welcome to the board. I completely understand your emotions. My AH and I have 6 children. His pain pill addiction started when we had just 4. His pill habit progressed to heroin...and then recently found out he was doing IV cocaine and had done IV meth too. It's not been a pretty ride. He is currently in rehab and we have been separated since December. I wish I could tell you that things have been easy-peasy since then...they haven't. There are lots of emotions I am working through myself. BUT, the anxiety and stress have GREATLY decreased in the home. In reality, I have more $ to pay bills even with him gone because I am not having someone 1. take my $ and 2. ask for $ for some emergency. Is there part of me that still wishes for a "happily ever after?" Sure. But, that is not a realistic dream (for any relationship). Truth is, together we are obviously toxic. I want him to be clean and sober, but I don't think that will be possible for him if he stays in the same setting/relationship - too many triggers at this point I'm sure. So, my hope is that he works his recovery and stays sober because in the long run, that will benefit my children. As for me, I've got lots to focus on myself for my recovery. ((HUGS)) Glad you are here. And sorry for rambling - just wanted to share my experience with you - you are not alone!!
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