what's wrong with him???
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 71
what's wrong with him???
I kicked my AH out approx 6 weeks ago b c he was using and spending way too much time with his female sponsee. Now he basically stays there everynight and didn't blink an eye about his family he left behind. He is the type of person who usually likes some alone time but that's not happening. His new friend/gf doesn't work nor does he but yet she lives in a $2k apt. Not sure who is paying for that. I'm just so consumed by all of this, its making me crazy. When we talk it always ends up in a verbal fight. He is suppose to be taking suboxone but hasn't had it filled since over a month, its been about five weeks. I have no concrete evidence that the is using but his face does look bloated. Even though he has this friend/ gf he still goes on websites looking to pick up women...aka a quick hookup. Ever since we separated he seems to have spiraled more down hill. He has a court date next month which could send him away so maybe he is having a last hooray.
This is just so difficult to understand and not be so consumed. The stress o f being a single mom and holding myself above water is so hard. I often cry at work.
By the way, do NA people that do the 13th step usually work or does it crash snd burn when someone is trying to be accountable?
This not understanding just eats at me.
Any advise dear SR friends would be greatly appreciated.
This is just so difficult to understand and not be so consumed. The stress o f being a single mom and holding myself above water is so hard. I often cry at work.
By the way, do NA people that do the 13th step usually work or does it crash snd burn when someone is trying to be accountable?
This not understanding just eats at me.
Any advise dear SR friends would be greatly appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
Suboxone is not something you can just quit using. He would feel very sick without it (depending on how much he was taking, and how long, of course). Like people on here always say recovery looks like recovery, using looks like using. You are suspecting he is not clean 
I found that it is impossible to make sense of what AH (heroin/suboxone) ysr does. Makes no sense to me. When AH is using things are always happening to him - he misses court, forgets to go to check with probation, has a car accident, etc, etc, etc. And I try to think about it like, what are you doing? Makes no sense.
I don't have any solid advices other then there is no sense in addiction
I found that it is impossible to make sense of what AH (heroin/suboxone) ysr does. Makes no sense to me. When AH is using things are always happening to him - he misses court, forgets to go to check with probation, has a car accident, etc, etc, etc. And I try to think about it like, what are you doing? Makes no sense. I don't have any solid advices other then there is no sense in addiction
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I think you just gotta believe what you see hon.....he is a jerk, he did bail on his family he is an addict, he does use women the way he uses drugs.
and thank GOD he's out of the house. nothing of what HE is belongs in a home with children. you all deserve better.
and thank GOD he's out of the house. nothing of what HE is belongs in a home with children. you all deserve better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 71
I had sort of an ah ha moment at my counseling session today. The big problem I have is personalizing the things he has done. She said it was the addiction not me. So maybe that is half my battle. Will think about this a lot more before calling it a night. Just so very hard not to take things personally when this effects so many things in my life.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 588
It's not our crap, but we are still left holding the shovel to clean up the mess these people leave behind. I don't know what group they are in, but a male with a female sponsee is not encouraged for obvious reasons. They are just sinking ships passing in the night. They are not clean, sober or decent. They have no stability within themselves or moral compass. It's time to do everything financially and legally possible to protect yourself and your children.
My xabf was on suboxone. If you can make it an hour past when you're supposed to take it you are able to do H. He was like a freakin pharmacist and knew a way around every drug and recipes for every drug cocktail. Be strong lovely one! ((((Hug))))
My xabf was on suboxone. If you can make it an hour past when you're supposed to take it you are able to do H. He was like a freakin pharmacist and knew a way around every drug and recipes for every drug cocktail. Be strong lovely one! ((((Hug))))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 65
I am so sorry you are going through this. I go back and forth....sometimes I'm mad and write him off forever...then the next moment...I break down and cry. It's especially hard when you are married. There's so much good advice here on this site. I'm trying very hard to absorb it all. The biggest thing is what your counselor said...not to take it personally. I'm struggling with that. In my situation he's got 4 months sober...I would expect all the crap to be done with. Now I wonder if it's just a lifestyle they learn when having been in active addiction and something that may never change. I've read so very much on drugs, especially H, and how it chemically changes a person's brain. Scary stuff.... Prayers to you. Stay strong, we can all relate and know you are NOT alone...not at all. And know that you deserve better....((hugs))
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
Originally Posted by Fate2012 
I kicked my AH out approx 6 weeks ago b c he was using and spending way too much time with his female sponsee. Now he basically stays there everynight and didn't blink an eye about his family he left behind. He is the type of person who usually likes some alone time but that's not happening. His new friend/gf doesn't work nor does he but yet she lives in a $2k apt. Not sure who is paying for that. I'm just so consumed by all of this, its making me crazy. When we talk it always ends up in a verbal fight. He is suppose to be taking suboxone but hasn't had it filled since over a month, its been about five weeks. I have no concrete evidence that the is using but his face does look bloated. Even though he has this friend/ gf he still goes on websites looking to pick up women...aka a quick hookup. Ever since we separated he seems to have spiraled more down hill. He has a court date next month which could send him away so maybe he is having a last hooray.
This is just so difficult to understand and not be so consumed. The stress o f being a single mom and holding myself above water is so hard. I often cry at work.
By the way, do NA people that do the 13th step usually work or does it crash snd burn when someone is trying to be accountable?
This not understanding just eats at me.
Any advise dear SR friends would be greatly appreciated.
This is just so difficult to understand and not be so consumed. The stress o f being a single mom and holding myself above water is so hard. I often cry at work.
By the way, do NA people that do the 13th step usually work or does it crash snd burn when someone is trying to be accountable?
This not understanding just eats at me.
Any advise dear SR friends would be greatly appreciated.
I told him that you can't make sense out of nonsense. I heard that somewhere, maybe here. That's just it, you can't make sense out of nonsense so don't rack your brain trying.
Kari
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Greenville sc
Posts: 137
It is such a sad thing that so many of us are going through the same things. I am sorry for the pain. If i can say one thing for sure its this.......the rules that wr live by don't look the same the the addict. They play a different game with very few rules so getting involved in their games always ends with confusion.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm both a recovering addict and a recovering codependent with loved ones who are still using/drinking.
It is true, he's not using AT you, it's not personal. He's just doing what addicts (A's) do. Having also been on the other side, it does FEEL personal but it really isn't. I never used at anyone, I just used to deal with whatever life brought on.
I will also tell you that you will NEVER understand what he is thinking or why, unless you become an A - not something I recommend (I did that). Even though I'm in recovery, I still had a hard time not taking someone's using personally, but at least I could make myself remember how selfish I was.
You don't have the reference and I pray you never do.
I suggest you look at his actions - left his family, with someone else and still looking for someone else?
He is totally self-absorbed and you deserve better. It hurts, but many here have been through it and are here for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
It is true, he's not using AT you, it's not personal. He's just doing what addicts (A's) do. Having also been on the other side, it does FEEL personal but it really isn't. I never used at anyone, I just used to deal with whatever life brought on.
I will also tell you that you will NEVER understand what he is thinking or why, unless you become an A - not something I recommend (I did that). Even though I'm in recovery, I still had a hard time not taking someone's using personally, but at least I could make myself remember how selfish I was.
You don't have the reference and I pray you never do.
I suggest you look at his actions - left his family, with someone else and still looking for someone else?
He is totally self-absorbed and you deserve better. It hurts, but many here have been through it and are here for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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