killerinstinct

Hello, I've been posting in friends of alcoholics for sometime but now I am dealing with a drug addict friend who's also a drug dealer but much younger than me.. I've tried very hard to work out the right and wrong thing to do here but have discovered I can't cope with the lies and selfish behaviour anymore. I do love my friend dearly and care for my friend dearly but my friend either doesn't give a crap about me at all (which I think is the case and I'm in denial) or is seriously messed up they can't be a friend if they want to. I am angry at how selfish my friend is that for the third time around in our friendship I am saying goodbye, this time I mean it, ive had enough of being taken for granted... I am angry, I feel rejected and I feel unworthy and loved.. My friend brings out the worst in me and I lose sleep over my friend. I am worried because occasionally I'll have to bump into my friend at gatherings and don't want to get upset when I see them. I just can't believe how selfish addicts are - am I going crazy... Is this real???? I am so angry at myself for believing me friend cared about me, for letting them lie and manipulate me and use me... I hate myself for this... I can't believe I fell for it.

hopeful4

NO! Do not internalize your friend's issues. You have a kind and good heart and tried to see the best in a person. That does not make you flawed in any way my friend. So, stop that negative self talk!

No matter what sort of friend that person is, it's not working. It would be good for you to get some space in my opinion.

Tight hugs!!!!

AnvilheadII

if this is the same guy you were dating and THEN found out he was a dealer (Jan 3rd), and the same guy you posted about dating and doing drugs WITH (jan 23), then please get as far away from him as you can. you keep running right back IN to the burning house, and picking out the most unavailable men and then making yourself sick over them. you just shifted your DOC from your EX to this guy.

SEE the pattern.
STOP the pattern.
CHANGE the pattern.

killerinstinct

No not dating this guy at all we are truly just friends!!! I promise!!

zoso77

Well, that happens to the best of us from time to time. It's part of the disorder that is the human condition.

When you post-game all of this, look dispassionately and rationally where you may have made a wrong turn. And learn from it. Beating yourself up accomplishes nothing.

killerinstinct

This is why I am upset because this guy is someone I am just friends with and can't handle being friends with them. My question is am I being too serious about this issue?? Am I making a bigger issue than it is because we are friends... I get angry because he calls me up crying and distressed then disappears and gets angry about me for enquiring about him and if he is okay... That's my problem I have a big heart for everyone and don't know how and when to stop.. I can't save everyone! I want to be selfish for once!! I've done my time!!

jjj111

Sounds like an awful lot of drama to me! I've come to value friends who bring me peace.

AnvilheadII

it's possible you feel more than just FRIENDS.
it's possible you don't know how to be just friends with a male.

here's what I do know. if the stove is hot, quit putting your hand on to check. if an interaction with ONE person is causing you stress, STOP. if the sign says ROAD CLOSED, turn around.

CodeJob

KI,

I hope you figure this pattern out for yourself.

killerinstinct

I think I do know how to be friends with men, I have lots of them and I've never had this problem with them ever.. And some of them are very attractive and all... I've only had this problem with selfish men... But what the hell am I doing still trying to keep peace... What the hell is wrong with me... I can't for the life figure this out... I've only ever had this issue 4 times in my life and it was always with a hardcore addict and my dad who was a dictator... The first guy was a sex addict, the second an alcoholic and now this one a drug addict... My dad not an addict but controlled me for most of my life. The first two I was actually in a relationship with this one I am not at all.. Maybe I think I need to save everyone, that I need to be validated by someone depriving me of respect! I don't know... I'm so over it... Worst day ever dealing with this crap and family court.. Im really down about my life right now.. I didn't call this guy crying for help and then disappear on him!!! He called me and I was just acting like a normal human being would and then I get this backlash of hate from him.. I'm confused

Hawkeye13

Given the fragile state of your early recovery,
I would not let anybody, for any reason, at any level (friends or romantic or a blend), into your life
if they are 1)involved with drugs and are 2)causing you stress and drama of any sort.

Very simply, you don't have the emotional energy and resources to deal with that
on top of the other things you are still processing.

You need your resources for yourself and your child right now to heal and get to a better place.

killerinstinct

Thanks guys, it's been a tough week emotionally speaking but I think I am okay now.. I've had a break and space from it all and have taken a big step back and have seen the bigger picture.: my codependency has come back with full force and my need to feel important and needed has to be addressed.. I am just so grateful I saw this before I took one more step... Just because the ex is out of my life as a result of police protection doesn't mean I should have stopped working on the codependency issues... I need to keep on working on these issues

hopeful4

KI....if your friend is giving you backlash and hate, you need a new friend. Just saying.

Take good care!

shinebright7

Good for you, hun. I relate to what you said about your codependency coming back will full force.

It's finally sinking in to me how similar my pattern of codependency is with my AH's pattern of using. I can't help it. He can't help it. I try to live my life without treatment for my condition...he tries to live his life without treatment for his condition. And neither of us can manage it.

I stayed away from Al-Anon meetings for over 1.5 years. Where has it gotten me? Hitting rock bottom again and heading into the rooms again. My behavior is just like an addict, I'm just addicted to something other than drugs and alcohol. Got a lot of stuff to work through, but I know that when I beat myself up for being in this situation or what's wrong with me that I let this happen in my life again, etc. that it doesn't help. I need to see those thoughts as symptoms and then go to meetings to try to address the situation from the source.

Be good to yourself and maybe see if there's an in-person meeting you can go to, also. It's great that you're here on SR reaching out.