AH Boss wants to know whats up with him, what do I say?

Old 01-26-2015, 03:27 AM
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AH Boss wants to know whats up with him, what do I say?

Last week or maybe later than that I asked if I can speak to AH boss about his problems. Well I did not, so this morning they email me and wants to know what is up with AH. They say his a good hardworking man but they know something is up. and they are fed up of talking all the time they don't want to loose him but in the end of the day they have to do what is right for the business. they said they had a hearing with him and because of me and the kids they excused him. They are done talking and do not know what to do anymore.

I responded by thanking them and saying it is not my place to comment or say anything but something big is wrong and I dont want to say anything because I am very scared he will blame me and loose his job.

then i got a email back and they said the door is always open for their employees and they want to help where they can. And then they said I can trust them they will treat the matter delicately and I will not be mentioned. Trust is of course a major issue for me and I do not know what to do. I said I spoke to him numerous times I do not know what to do and then I said if all else fails they should do what is best for the business. they said they offered him an psychologist because he told them about his depression, but he went 2 times and quit and he is supposed to pay half and the company pays the other half. And f he does not get his act together his is going to ruin his career and his life.
What do I do now? Do I tell them is is a A or do I just ignore this email?
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Old 01-26-2015, 03:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Angelscry View Post
What do I do now? Do I tell them is is a A or do I just ignore this email?
Don't think it to be best to ignore the e-mail.

But -- (you may be in the need of wise professional counseling) at this time.

Their goal would or should be to keep your best interest in mind -- let them guide you.

Your husbands work place may offer counseling for you ?

If so take them up on that -- also shows that you are trying and willing on your end.

Before acting -- we need to think carefully at this time.

MM
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Old 01-26-2015, 04:26 AM
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Thanks MM, I am just unsure as to how to answer their question. They offered him counselling last year not for me. But it was because of his depression.

tx
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Old 01-26-2015, 07:00 AM
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I would tell them that he is facing some issues in his life that are most likely difficult to admit to himself, so that is why it's difficult for him to utilize the help they offered via a psychologist. I would explain that denial is a very powerful thing and that he seems to be experiencing some of that now. That while you appreciate how much they care for him and your family that only he can reach out for help.

They will put two and two together eventually I would guess. More importantly, as they said, it looks like he may not have this job much longer.

So what financial protections do you have for you and your child should he lose his job or go down further into the rabbit hole with this? I don't mean to be callous about it. However, everyone who has a close relationship with an A should have protections put in place for their own future.

Hugs. I encourage you to keep a close support network for you! Take care!
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Old 01-26-2015, 09:08 AM
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I don't know what you should do at this point. You have opened the door, so even if they were not "wondering" they are now. I think you asked about this prior to doing it and I mentioned I did not think it a good idea. In any event what's done is done.
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Old 01-26-2015, 10:02 AM
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Why aren't they going to the source?
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Old 01-26-2015, 10:44 AM
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Does he work with heavy equipment, money, a vulnerable population, or the transportation of goods or services?
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Old 01-26-2015, 10:55 AM
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Cynical one asked the question I was about to ask also.

I have been around addiction a very long time, in real life and here at SR, and I think I would take one of two paths with this...

One would be to simply say "he struggles with addiction and needs help, help he will have to find himself"...they probably already know this anyway.

The second would be to say "his issues at work are between you and him and you will need to do whatever is best for your company, his issues at home will be between him and me and I am not comfortable discussing them."

This really is his problem to deal with at the workplace. You don't need to cover for him but you also don't need to offer up information that should come from him.

I think it is quite likely he will lose his job very soon, no matter what you do. It won't be your fault, it is HIS fault for using drugs and maybe a good consequence (like losing his job) will open his eyes.

Hugs
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Old 01-27-2015, 02:38 AM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
So what financial protections do you have for you and your child should he lose his job or go down further into the rabbit hole with this? I don't mean to be callous about it. However, everyone who has a close relationship with an A should have protections put in place for their own future.

Hugs. I encourage you to keep a close support network for you! Take care!
Thank you Hopeful4, I have a separate savings account where I stash money for a rainy day. His salary goes into my bank account and that was his decision and so I have a bit of control over the money matters.
I have a support network in place although tiny it offers a great deal of support and its mostly from a handful of trusted family and friends.

AC
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Old 01-27-2015, 02:39 AM
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Originally Posted by cynical one View Post
Does he work with heavy equipment, money, a vulnerable population, or the transportation of goods or services?
Cynical unfortunately he does work with money and the transportation of goods.
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Old 01-27-2015, 02:41 AM
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Originally Posted by totfit View Post
I don't know what you should do at this point. You have opened the door, so even if they were not "wondering" they are now. I think you asked about this prior to doing it and I mentioned I did not think it a good idea. In any event what's done is done.

Totfit you misunderstood. I did ask about it and I did post that I never went to his employer, however they approached me yesterday wanting to know what was wrong with AH etc.
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Old 01-27-2015, 02:52 AM
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Update - I told AH employer about his problem.

So I told his manager about his problem and she said she suspected it all along because she saw the signs and have dealt with another employee who was also a Meth addict. She said they have spoken to him but could not get through to him because he is so defensive thats why they approached me.

They were very kind and helpful, and the one manager who contacted me said the company will do anything they can to help the kids and I. They will speak to my AH and take it from there.

So this morning they contacted me again, thanking me for the information and said they spoke to AH he admitted everything. They offered to help him but on certain conditions one of which being that he needs to want the help. And they said that they did not mention that they spoke to me and that if I should need anything for the kids and I, I should get in touch.

They are willing to help him and give him one more chance and if he blows it then they have no other choice but to let him go.

I am grateful and scared at the same time, my AH has an opportunity of a lifetime to get the help he needs. I just hope he is willing to accept it because no one can do the work for him. In the meantime I will continue to work on me and to take care of my kids as best I can.

Thank you for all the support.
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Old 01-27-2015, 05:18 AM
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I hope he will accept the help offered. It's a heck of a thing to Recover from. But, many have been successful.
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:23 AM
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I too hope that since he has admitted his problem he will seek the help. They sound like wonderful people, he is lucky to be working for such caring employers.

As we all say, plan for the worst, hope for the best!

Hugs.
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