Fate2012

I'm so stressed b c of my AH...we are separated. The anger and pain is so overwhelming. Even though he was an active user for most of our marriage, I miss him. I'm so lonely. It hurts so bad to know I was rejected by a reject. I go to therapy and have some friends I confide in but they don't understand addiction. That's why I appreciate this forum so much. You all really do help me.
Its just hard to believe he would give up on me and especially our two young, beatiful boys for another woman who by th e way lost custody of her child b c of her drug use. My self esteem is so low. I cry all the time, when I think I'm getting a bit better, I take two steps back. I pray everynight for help and guidance, not just for me but for all of us suffering.

brokenheart435

I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling. I sent you a PM. I'm praying for you and your children *HUGS*

zoso77

Oh, kiddo...

I know it hurts. It sucks. You're grieving, and in that regard, what you're experiencing right now is perfectly normal. When you marry someone, it's supposed to be for life. But you had no way of knowing at the time that your AH was going to play by a different set of rules than you were.

I'm happy, and relieved, that you're in therapy, and that someone is there to help you address and cope with all of those feelings. All I can tell you is do your best to not personalize what he did. There are so many addicts out there that do this to their wives without blinking. It is just so, so indicative of how sick and poisoned their minds are. It's bad enough he's done this to you, but he's done it to his kids as well.

Keep doing the best you can. You can get through this, even though I know you don't believe that.

auroraxborealis

I definitely identify with this feeling. When my X dumped me, he was planning on going to treatment, but knew he was probably on his way to jail. By then he had started IV heroin use. In the months prior, he was smoking it, among other drugs. I had no idea (in part because I was away for work for three months). Within a week, his PO picked him up and he spent a few weeks in jail until a treatment center had a bed open up. Having gone through a year and a half as a prison girlfriend, I told him I couldn't do it again. He said he was going to end things before he put me through that again. That may or not have been true.

One of my first thoughts was: not even a junkie wants to be with me.

But that's not true. I was gettin in his way, that's all. I wasn't a using buddy, like the other girls he was hanging around with. I was questioning things that made him uncomfortable, and if answered, would have exposed his truth.

He may or may not have ever loved me. Our realtionship may or may not have been real to him. But I did love him and it was real to me. I was operating on the presumption that he was capable of having a real, loving relationship.