Just found out my husband is an addict
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 33
Just found out my husband is an addict
Help! I'm 27 and just got married a year and a half ago to the "perfect" guy. All my friends were envious saying that they want to find a gentleman like my husband. Fast forward to 2 months ago when I cam home and my husband told me to read an email. I read this email and he confessed that he has been addicted to norco's for the past 2 years. He has gambled to pay for the pills and racked up $15,000 in debt on a credit card that I didn't know he ever even used. We were trying to get pregnant all last year and I was so depressed because it wasn't happening. Our house also got broken into and someone stole all thousands of dollars in our safe. Well come to find out he "faked" the robbery. I was scared ******** thinking someone was in my home. My heart is so broken. I've never tried anything but alcohol and have never had any type of addiction. No one in my family is addicted to anything. His grandfather(dads side), both uncles (dads side) and his dad is an alcoholic and his younger brother is a heroin addict and he has an older brother that is ok so far. He has been sober for 51 days and says he feels great and it's a relief. He says that the pills made him so depressd and he couldn't believe what he did when he was using. He has always been so sweet to me and such an awesome husband but when his secrets came out i have just felt so sick. I don't know what to do. I made vows for sickness and in health and I feel like I would be wrong to leave him since he is sober now. I married him without even knowing he has an addiction! It's so unfair! And now I worry that when if we decide to have children again that my future kids could bece addicts since his family has a hug history of it. Help!!!!!!!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome to our forum, I am sorry for what brought you here but glad you found us.
It sounds like you feel betrayed and afraid of what the future may hold with a husband who is newly sober (51 days is good but still very early recovery).
Maybe marriage counseling might help you both work through issues of the past to to rebuild this marriage on something solid.
It might be a good idea to postpone thoughts of bringing a baby into all this right now, that would not be a good situation for that child and it would not help your marriage problems right now.
Take a read around, there is a lot of helpful information on the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. At some point you may remember something from there that will help you decide if this is how you want to live your life.
Just know that whatever you decide to do, we are all walking with you here.
Hugs
It sounds like you feel betrayed and afraid of what the future may hold with a husband who is newly sober (51 days is good but still very early recovery).
Maybe marriage counseling might help you both work through issues of the past to to rebuild this marriage on something solid.
It might be a good idea to postpone thoughts of bringing a baby into all this right now, that would not be a good situation for that child and it would not help your marriage problems right now.
Take a read around, there is a lot of helpful information on the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. At some point you may remember something from there that will help you decide if this is how you want to live your life.
Just know that whatever you decide to do, we are all walking with you here.
Hugs
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Kelslol...
Welcome to the Board. I am so, so sorry that you're going through this, but I'm also very happy that you found us.
Others will be by to give you feedback, but as is my wont when greeting new members, I've got a couple of things I'd like to share.
Well, it's very important to point out that abstaining from using for 51 days, while a good start, is not the same thing as sobriety or recovery. Recovery, in my view, is more than just abstaining from using drugs. It's about becoming a better person, a more honest person, and becoming an accountable, responsible person. Time will tell if your AH gets there. From what you've described above, he's got a long ways to go.
As for your vows...in my view, the only way a marriage will work is if both parties play by the same set of rules. And what implicit in the vows you took is a promise that neither person will do anything to undercut the viability and sustainability of the marriage. Clearly, your AH was playing by his own set of rules without you knowing it. But now you do know it, and now you've seen firsthand how destructive addiction can be.
The important thing for you to do right now is to arm yourself with knowledge. Coming here is a good first step. Read as many posts as you can stomach. You may also want to consider attending local Nar Anon/Al Anon meetings so that you can receive in-person support.
I will leave you with this: do not judge him by his words. Judge him by his actions. For his actions are all that matter. Again, Welcome to the Board.
Welcome to the Board. I am so, so sorry that you're going through this, but I'm also very happy that you found us.
Others will be by to give you feedback, but as is my wont when greeting new members, I've got a couple of things I'd like to share.
I don't know what to do. I made vows for sickness and in health and I feel like I would be wrong to leave him since he is sober now. I married him without even knowing he has an addiction! It's so unfair! And now I worry that when if we decide to have children again that my future kids could become addicts since his family has a hug history of it.
As for your vows...in my view, the only way a marriage will work is if both parties play by the same set of rules. And what implicit in the vows you took is a promise that neither person will do anything to undercut the viability and sustainability of the marriage. Clearly, your AH was playing by his own set of rules without you knowing it. But now you do know it, and now you've seen firsthand how destructive addiction can be.
The important thing for you to do right now is to arm yourself with knowledge. Coming here is a good first step. Read as many posts as you can stomach. You may also want to consider attending local Nar Anon/Al Anon meetings so that you can receive in-person support.
I will leave you with this: do not judge him by his words. Judge him by his actions. For his actions are all that matter. Again, Welcome to the Board.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 33
Thank you both for your kind words! It's nice to know that I'm not alone! I'm definitely not trying to bring a baby in to this world anytime soon now, I know that won't help our marriage. And you are right, both of us made the vows and he broke his. It's such a horrible feeling to feel betrayed by someone who u believed to be the perfect person for you. He has been going to aa meetings every single day since he got sober and it sounds selfish but I feel like I'm neglected. He goes to work, comes home, eats dinner really fast, leaves for aa, And he comes home and we have about 45 min to an hour before I got to sleep. I feel so alone and I don't have anyone to talk to cuz I don't want anyone to know. My husband makes great money and works for a great company and I don't want to tell people for fear that he could lose it. I just don't know if I stay with him hoping that he continues to stay sober or if I leave. I want a family and I'm at the age where that happens and I can't waste all this time on somethkng if it doesn't work. How do I learn to trust him again? Because I trusted him so much and he obviously took advantage of that. Now I don't trust a word he says and it just makes me sad to believe that the man I married isn't the man I thought I married! Thank u guys again for your responses!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Welcome Kelsol,
Have you considered trying Al Anon or a counselor as an outlet for you? These outlets can help you assess if you want to try to rebuild trust or not. It is your choice. A counselor especially could help you lay things out and reiterate your perspective. I think you might want to set up some outings with friends, an exercise class or something to help occupy your mind and an evening or two so you aren't sitting at home alone stewing.
Many partners feel like you when an addict first starts working a recovery due the the time commitment. Can you attend an open meeting some evening with him?
Legally I am concerned about the debts he has racked up. What is his plan to pay the 15K debt off? Have you run a credit check on yourself? Just be sure there are no credit cards in your name you don't know about. I think you can lock your credit line? You also probably could get one pulled on him to review.
I pray there are no more secrets Kelsol! You will find your way!
Have you considered trying Al Anon or a counselor as an outlet for you? These outlets can help you assess if you want to try to rebuild trust or not. It is your choice. A counselor especially could help you lay things out and reiterate your perspective. I think you might want to set up some outings with friends, an exercise class or something to help occupy your mind and an evening or two so you aren't sitting at home alone stewing.
Many partners feel like you when an addict first starts working a recovery due the the time commitment. Can you attend an open meeting some evening with him?
Legally I am concerned about the debts he has racked up. What is his plan to pay the 15K debt off? Have you run a credit check on yourself? Just be sure there are no credit cards in your name you don't know about. I think you can lock your credit line? You also probably could get one pulled on him to review.
I pray there are no more secrets Kelsol! You will find your way!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 33
I have thought about al anon but I don't want to run into anyone I know. This is a "bubble" town and so there are so many connections. And I want to do therapy and try marriage counseling but they put that on your record and I don't want that either. I'm what they call a "goody two shoes" and so im so worried about what people will think or say, especially if I get a divorce.
And luckily we make really good money together so we split all the extra cash and he's paying his credit card down. He has already paid off $4k and his Lexus is paid off so he is going to sell it and all the debt will be gone. I have all credit cards and I give him a couple bucks daily in case he need it, but never more than $5 at a time. I have access to all credit card accounts online now and I'm pretty sure he has told me everything. But then again, who knows??
It's just crazy because the few people that do know we're just as shocked as I am right now. Never in a million years would I have suspected this or anyone else. He's not the type to do something like this that's why it hurts so much. It was the BIGGEST shock of my life.
I've been going out with my best friend every Friday night, but she doesn't know what's going on. She just thinks we are having a hard time in our marriage. I hate keeping secrets and lying
And luckily we make really good money together so we split all the extra cash and he's paying his credit card down. He has already paid off $4k and his Lexus is paid off so he is going to sell it and all the debt will be gone. I have all credit cards and I give him a couple bucks daily in case he need it, but never more than $5 at a time. I have access to all credit card accounts online now and I'm pretty sure he has told me everything. But then again, who knows??
It's just crazy because the few people that do know we're just as shocked as I am right now. Never in a million years would I have suspected this or anyone else. He's not the type to do something like this that's why it hurts so much. It was the BIGGEST shock of my life.
I've been going out with my best friend every Friday night, but she doesn't know what's going on. She just thinks we are having a hard time in our marriage. I hate keeping secrets and lying
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
How do I learn to trust him again? Because I trusted him so much and he obviously took advantage of that. Now I don't trust a word he says and it just makes me sad to believe that the man I married isn't the man I thought I married!
As myself and others have suggested, I think Al Anon or Nar Anon would be tremendously helpful to you. Other women have been in similar spots and have a lot of wisdom to share. So I encourage you to give it a try.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Kelsol,
If this town is a bubble - Someone knows anyway from the gambling and the pill buying. He's seeking recovery. He is telling a room full of people that he has a problem every time he shows up. It is supposed to be anonymous, but he is learning (hopefully) to own up to his mistakes.
This is not your secret to suffer over. You heading off to a counselor could be for depression, not getting pregnant right away, or dealing with something from your past... Showing up and working out your stuff is a mature response whether or not you wind up with a medical file at the counsellors office.
You are suffering to retain a fantasy image my dear. even with your best friend?
If this town is a bubble - Someone knows anyway from the gambling and the pill buying. He's seeking recovery. He is telling a room full of people that he has a problem every time he shows up. It is supposed to be anonymous, but he is learning (hopefully) to own up to his mistakes.
This is not your secret to suffer over. You heading off to a counselor could be for depression, not getting pregnant right away, or dealing with something from your past... Showing up and working out your stuff is a mature response whether or not you wind up with a medical file at the counsellors office.
You are suffering to retain a fantasy image my dear. even with your best friend?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
I am an addict so saying he is 51 days clean doesn't necessarily mean anything. Also suggest running a credit report (for both you and your husband). You just never know there might be lots of other credit cards floating around out there. One last thing he says it started two years ago. I know there is no way to know, but addicts usually downplay things so it could have been going on much longer than that. I started out by telling my wife I was addicted to norco (hydrocodone) until she stumbled across my needles and stamp bags of H. Not trying to scare you - just giving you some perspective. If someone is at the point of faking a robbery that sounds pretty desperate to me. Did you file a police report and everything (did they fingerprint the safe / etc.)? False police reports and insurance claims don't sit too well with authorities.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 65
Hi and welcome to the board. I echo what others have said, talking to a counselor or Al anon /nar anon. Keeping this a secret will eat away at you and you need to stay healthy. My RAGF is an opiate addict and Ican tell you that class of drugs is a very powerful one, like no other I've seen. 51 days is great and so is the fact that he is going to meetings everyday. Be patient with the time meetings take , he needs to focus on his recovery as much as possible. It's better he's off at meetings than spending that time away scoring and getting high. addiction is a lifetime disease, so he will need to be vigilant the rest of his life. Relapse is very common. If you want a life with this man, you need to make sure you want that. And as others have said, actions will always show you the truth. Peace and prayers to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am so sorry, I cannot even imagine your hurt and anxiety.
Please, please do not procreate with someone who has been clean for such a short amount of time. It's actions over the course of a long time. The pain for you is a lot, the pain and issues it brings when you have children together is unimaginable.
Hugs, I am so sorry you are going through this.
Ps...the secrets will eat you alive. Don't isolate and keep secrets. It's self abuse.
Please, please do not procreate with someone who has been clean for such a short amount of time. It's actions over the course of a long time. The pain for you is a lot, the pain and issues it brings when you have children together is unimaginable.
Hugs, I am so sorry you are going through this.
Ps...the secrets will eat you alive. Don't isolate and keep secrets. It's self abuse.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: OH
Posts: 57
So how long did you know him before you got married? I would take a step back and evaluate your relationship. It sounds like you fell in love with an active addict and married an active addict. (Not trying to sound too judgemental...because been there and done that). If this is a lifestyle that you and your future children do not want to be around, I would consider moving on.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
addiction doesn't CARE if you seem to have a perfect life....or are a good person.....or come from wealth, drive a Lexus, have prestige. if your husband wracked up $15,000 on drugs, plus "stole" more money from your home, and gambles to boot, IT'S NOT A SECRET.
there is no shame in being the loved one/spouse of an addict. it's happens. it would be a shame tho if you cut yourself off from some well needed support to preserve your image tho. it's always a harsh truth when we realize that not that many other people spend sleepness nights worried about OUR lives.....they are all too busy with their own.
there is no shame in being the loved one/spouse of an addict. it's happens. it would be a shame tho if you cut yourself off from some well needed support to preserve your image tho. it's always a harsh truth when we realize that not that many other people spend sleepness nights worried about OUR lives.....they are all too busy with their own.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 205
Oh man, this hits so close to home for me. I didn't marry my AXBF but I can relate to everything you said. You are definitely NOT alone. And I urge you to reconsider attending Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. If anyone sees you there, they are there for the same reason. Maybe it's not their spouse who is addicted but they probably don't want everyone knowing their business either, same as you. There are online Nar-Anon meetings if you want to start there. Just search Nar-Anon forum and you will find a message board just like this one and also instructions and times/dates for online meetings.
What you are going through IS lonely. That's why I found the fellowship of Nar-Anon so helpful. I had supportive people in my life but no one who truly understand what finding out your loved one is an addict feels like. I also discovered that my friends and family were so much more supportive than I thought they would be. And once I started telling people, some of them had their own stories to share about people they knew who were addicted. It's crazy how many people have been affected by drug addiction in some way.
It is so important to education yourself on addiction and recovery. Coming here was a good move. Realize that as others here have said, there is a very good chance your husband has downplayed the extent of his drug use and debt. Make sure you obtain copies of both of your credit reports and DO NOT share bank accounts with him. Most importantly, look out for yourself and take care of YOURSELF in every way possible.
What you are going through IS lonely. That's why I found the fellowship of Nar-Anon so helpful. I had supportive people in my life but no one who truly understand what finding out your loved one is an addict feels like. I also discovered that my friends and family were so much more supportive than I thought they would be. And once I started telling people, some of them had their own stories to share about people they knew who were addicted. It's crazy how many people have been affected by drug addiction in some way.
It is so important to education yourself on addiction and recovery. Coming here was a good move. Realize that as others here have said, there is a very good chance your husband has downplayed the extent of his drug use and debt. Make sure you obtain copies of both of your credit reports and DO NOT share bank accounts with him. Most importantly, look out for yourself and take care of YOURSELF in every way possible.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Originally Posted by Kelslol 
I have thought about al anon but I don't want to run into anyone I know. This is a "bubble" town and so there are so many connections. And I want to do therapy and try marriage counseling but they put that on your record and I don't want that either. I'm what they call a "goody two shoes" and so im so worried about what people will think or say, especially if I get a divorce.
And luckily we make really good money together so we split all the extra cash and he's paying his credit card down. He has already paid off $4k and his Lexus is paid off so he is going to sell it and all the debt will be gone. I have all credit cards and I give him a couple bucks daily in case he need it, but never more than $5 at a time. I have access to all credit card accounts online now and I'm pretty sure he has told me everything. But then again, who knows??
It's just crazy because the few people that do know we're just as shocked as I am right now. Never in a million years would I have suspected this or anyone else. He's not the type to do something like this that's why it hurts so much. It was the BIGGEST shock of my life.
I've been going out with my best friend every Friday night, but she doesn't know what's going on. She just thinks we are having a hard time in our marriage. I hate keeping secrets and lying
And luckily we make really good money together so we split all the extra cash and he's paying his credit card down. He has already paid off $4k and his Lexus is paid off so he is going to sell it and all the debt will be gone. I have all credit cards and I give him a couple bucks daily in case he need it, but never more than $5 at a time. I have access to all credit card accounts online now and I'm pretty sure he has told me everything. But then again, who knows??
It's just crazy because the few people that do know we're just as shocked as I am right now. Never in a million years would I have suspected this or anyone else. He's not the type to do something like this that's why it hurts so much. It was the BIGGEST shock of my life.
I've been going out with my best friend every Friday night, but she doesn't know what's going on. She just thinks we are having a hard time in our marriage. I hate keeping secrets and lying
I can relate a little too. My husband had some problems with drugs in college but never at all when I knew him. Then in 2013, cant believe its been over a year he got sick. It was addiction. I wont bore you with all of it but it was shocking and made me feel like the world was no longer stable. Like you have said, our marriage was great, and our lives were good, both with good jobs and my husband has an awesome career. It hurts! I didnt know at first, only sensed a distance in him but thought it was work related.
My husband was really sick, was in the hospital for a while and then went away to an inpatient place. Your husband sounds like its been caught earlier maybe? But Im a little concerned, did he tell his doctor, is he getting any professional help? My husband didnt use aa so I cant relate to that part exactly but it was tough when he was inpatient.
I like your idea of counseling, and especially marriage counseling. It will be on your insurance and all this but there are a lot of privacy laws, and nothing detailed can be released without consent. Id never gone before, and was a little scared, but its helped us sooo much.
Whatever feelings you have, deal with them as soon as you can. I know I would need to process my fiance not sharing a big secret before the wedding. Ive also learned, addiction likes secrets and to remain hidden. He probably felt awful, knew it was wrong, but also was pulled to keep at it. Overwhelming in his mind how to tell you. Do you know what I mean?
Ive been using an approach for families called craft. Community reinforcement and family training. Its a mix of helping myself, and almost like relationship builders. Lots on communication, understanding how addiction works. Its a behavioral and motivational approach I think explains it best. I like it, and just use books and took an online class.
He has almost 2 months so its good. My husband relapsed at one month but since then hes been ok. Understanding relapse helps because its scary. Oh money, my husband took a lot out I didnt know about. He always handled most the money even though I hve my own accounts too. We ended up letting a money manager take over for a while, not sure how much longer we will do it, maybe not after tax season. But yes watch the money, and if its a trigger he shouldnt have easy access.
We dont have kids yet either. I hope to, but not for a while.
I feel like we've grown closer through it all but it takes work, and hes got to be determined to stop.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 276
Honey...I did the same thing you did. I married my AH because I thought he WAS being honest. I thought he truly was on the path to maintaining his recovery (because in my opinon there's never any such thing as "recovered"...there is only "recovering"...)
It's been lie after lie, and every time he lies, he tries to continue making excuses. When that's exhausted, he apologizes, but it's ALWAYS SOMETHING. There is always something else he's hiding, or doing, that he shouldn't be.
The only difference between you & I is that I believed him so much & wanted our life together so badly that I did have a baby with him. And now my beautiful, perfect, innocent son is stuck in the middle. And that's not fair.
Please, please, get help while you have only yourself to think about. You are so so precious & any children you DO have eventually will need to know that you cared about yourself enough to recognize that & take steps to take care of yourself.
It's been lie after lie, and every time he lies, he tries to continue making excuses. When that's exhausted, he apologizes, but it's ALWAYS SOMETHING. There is always something else he's hiding, or doing, that he shouldn't be.
The only difference between you & I is that I believed him so much & wanted our life together so badly that I did have a baby with him. And now my beautiful, perfect, innocent son is stuck in the middle. And that's not fair.
Please, please, get help while you have only yourself to think about. You are so so precious & any children you DO have eventually will need to know that you cared about yourself enough to recognize that & take steps to take care of yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 33
This place has already made me feel so much better just for the sheer fact that I don't feel alone. I was so depressed and when I went to church on Sunday the pastor hit close to home and made me rethink how I was feeling. I realized that my husband is in a good place right now and I'm allowing his actions to control my feelings. His actions took over my life and it wouldn't let me be happy. I'm trying to learn that now. Anyways my husband thought he could control the pills, when he started taking them daily apparently he thought he could handle it. Well then things spiraled out of control and he started snorting the pills. That's when things got crazy. To me the craziest part was that I had NO idea!! I literally just felt like he was detaching from me. I actually told him I wanted to go to therapy before I knew about the drugs, little did I know the drugs were what was causing the detachment.
I listened to a few of U and decided that I'm done holding this secret cuz it has only been making me sick. I went out with my best friend Friday night and I told her everything. She actually teared up cuz she felt so bad that I've been holding this in and didn't tell her. She told me that she thinks I have an amazing husband and that he got into a bad place and he deserves one chance to make things right. She said I can't give up right away and that everyone deserves a second chance when they mess up. She was so supportive and it actually felt like a relief that I was able to confide in her.
Anyways, I also looked up our credit scores and they are both still excellent (thank god). He didn't get another credit card. It actually does seem like everything he told me about his addiction is still true. I have not caught him in any lies, and it seems like he is being very open. I told him that any lies will ruin this marriage. He is still doing his aa and he's on his 4th step. He told me that he's having a harder time not chewing tobacco then he is with the pills. He said he never wants to go back to that place ever again. He was taking so many pills and wasn't even getting high, he was just taking them to feel normal and to chase the high.
I have always taken care of all of our finances cuz I'm very good with money. I have never been on debt in my life because I have always lived within my means. I have all his credit cards and our bank card. He only gets a few dollars a day and he's okay with that. He said he will do whatever makes me feel comfortable because he is happy that I'm still here with him. He had a couple credit cards that were just in his name before we got married and that's one of the credit cards that he racked up to 15k because he knew that I wouldn't find it. Well now I have every password to all of his accounts including PayPal (which was how he was paying his dealer).
So if he seems to be working his ass off do u believe I should give him a second chance as well? I know a few people that have been sober 20-30 years and their wives stayed with them through it all and they are happier then ever. I know my husband is an amazing guy and everuone I know loves him. He's never laid a hand on me or raised his voice at me or anything. I just don't know what to do.
@bluechair I would LOVE to talk to u more, it seems like our stories are so similar! Please let me know if u wojld like to talk. I can give u my email address
I listened to a few of U and decided that I'm done holding this secret cuz it has only been making me sick. I went out with my best friend Friday night and I told her everything. She actually teared up cuz she felt so bad that I've been holding this in and didn't tell her. She told me that she thinks I have an amazing husband and that he got into a bad place and he deserves one chance to make things right. She said I can't give up right away and that everyone deserves a second chance when they mess up. She was so supportive and it actually felt like a relief that I was able to confide in her.
Anyways, I also looked up our credit scores and they are both still excellent (thank god). He didn't get another credit card. It actually does seem like everything he told me about his addiction is still true. I have not caught him in any lies, and it seems like he is being very open. I told him that any lies will ruin this marriage. He is still doing his aa and he's on his 4th step. He told me that he's having a harder time not chewing tobacco then he is with the pills. He said he never wants to go back to that place ever again. He was taking so many pills and wasn't even getting high, he was just taking them to feel normal and to chase the high.
I have always taken care of all of our finances cuz I'm very good with money. I have never been on debt in my life because I have always lived within my means. I have all his credit cards and our bank card. He only gets a few dollars a day and he's okay with that. He said he will do whatever makes me feel comfortable because he is happy that I'm still here with him. He had a couple credit cards that were just in his name before we got married and that's one of the credit cards that he racked up to 15k because he knew that I wouldn't find it. Well now I have every password to all of his accounts including PayPal (which was how he was paying his dealer).
So if he seems to be working his ass off do u believe I should give him a second chance as well? I know a few people that have been sober 20-30 years and their wives stayed with them through it all and they are happier then ever. I know my husband is an amazing guy and everuone I know loves him. He's never laid a hand on me or raised his voice at me or anything. I just don't know what to do.
@bluechair I would LOVE to talk to u more, it seems like our stories are so similar! Please let me know if u wojld like to talk. I can give u my email address
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 33
@marcus ya we did file a police report but we never filed an insurance claim, thank god! my husbands best friend was a heroin addict and has been sober for 3 years now and I actually called him the day after I found out. Well my husband was talking to
Him everyday about everything and he has sweated to all of us that he was only taking Norcos. He said that in his mind he kept telling himself that he "wasn't that bad" because he wasn't taking heroin or cocaine or any hard drugs. He kept telling himself that he wasn't that bad cuz he still had a job and a house and a wife unlike his brother who is addicted to heroin. So I truthfully believe him. I don't think he ever got into any other drugs. But he was snorting 20-30 pills a day, which is absolutely terrible. I did a check on credit cards and our credit scores and everything checked out. There are no new credit cards and our credit scores are still excellent. It's weird cuz he was somewhat of a "responsible" addict. He made a payment every month on his credit card and never missed a payment, it's so weird. But so far it seems like everything he has told me has checked out. I also drug test him randomly sometimes and I watch him pee (I know I'm crazy) but that's the only way I will know for sure he didn't cheat.
Are you and your wife still married? If so, how did u guys get through the breaking of trust and the addiction?
Him everyday about everything and he has sweated to all of us that he was only taking Norcos. He said that in his mind he kept telling himself that he "wasn't that bad" because he wasn't taking heroin or cocaine or any hard drugs. He kept telling himself that he wasn't that bad cuz he still had a job and a house and a wife unlike his brother who is addicted to heroin. So I truthfully believe him. I don't think he ever got into any other drugs. But he was snorting 20-30 pills a day, which is absolutely terrible. I did a check on credit cards and our credit scores and everything checked out. There are no new credit cards and our credit scores are still excellent. It's weird cuz he was somewhat of a "responsible" addict. He made a payment every month on his credit card and never missed a payment, it's so weird. But so far it seems like everything he has told me has checked out. I also drug test him randomly sometimes and I watch him pee (I know I'm crazy) but that's the only way I will know for sure he didn't cheat.
Are you and your wife still married? If so, how did u guys get through the breaking of trust and the addiction?
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
Kelslol, this whole thing of faking the robbery is a pretty elaborate fraud, or attempted fraud. It seems he has the capacity to be pretty sneaky, in a pretty calculated way. I'm sure you're relieved that the damage isn't worse, but...I'd just take some time to sit with what he did and not feel like you have to rush to decide whether you can forgive or not. It sounds like you're kind of frantic to figure things out, but this might take a while to really sink in and you will probably continue to go through a lot of emotions. I'm glad you could open up to your friend, that was a huge step! At the same time, as far as advice, you might get the best advice from a professional counselor or from other people who have dealt with addicted loved ones.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 33
My best friends brother was addicted to pills as well and her grandpa and uncle are both alcoholics so she can relate to an extent. But I agree I think I'm finally to the point where I think I need to go to al-anon
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