Is love enough
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1
Is love enough
Really need some advice. I am terribly lost on how to handle my present situation. My boyfriend has an addictive personality (from pills to alcohol to anything to get a fix) and until tonight I had no idea to what degree. He switches one addiction for another. Tonight it has come to a head again with him accusing me of being the problem and becomes borderline abusive with his threats. I am 32 weeks pregnant and he is now threatening to kick me out all because I stated I wasn't ok with him drinking. The fight over his distain of sobriety is getting worse and I am literally at my end and lost. I don't understand this.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Steph...
Welcome to the Board. It sounds like you're in quite a spot, and I'm really sorry about what's going on with him.
From what you describe, I suspect that there's some character issues going on with him as well as his addiction issues. And with that said, it's important for you to know that verbal abuse of any kind is unacceptable.
We have a sticky note on our home page for women that find themselves the target of a man. I've included it here for you to check out.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sed-woman.html
What I encourage you to do is to make the best decisions you can not only for yourself, but for your baby. Addicts do not make good parents. With that in mind, I hope you summon the courage to do what is necessary to protect yourself and your baby.
Lastly...your question. Is love enough? Every day in this country, there are women just like you that find themselves in a similar situation to yours. And they don't want to leave the guy they're with because they love them. The truth is it doesn't matter one bit how much you love him, Steph. And that's because he's incapable of absorbing it. Addicts have a big hole in their makeup; you pour love and support in, it comes right back out.
Please do what is necessary to ensure both your safety and the safety of your baby.
Welcome to the Board. It sounds like you're in quite a spot, and I'm really sorry about what's going on with him.
From what you describe, I suspect that there's some character issues going on with him as well as his addiction issues. And with that said, it's important for you to know that verbal abuse of any kind is unacceptable.
We have a sticky note on our home page for women that find themselves the target of a man. I've included it here for you to check out.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sed-woman.html
What I encourage you to do is to make the best decisions you can not only for yourself, but for your baby. Addicts do not make good parents. With that in mind, I hope you summon the courage to do what is necessary to protect yourself and your baby.
Lastly...your question. Is love enough? Every day in this country, there are women just like you that find themselves in a similar situation to yours. And they don't want to leave the guy they're with because they love them. The truth is it doesn't matter one bit how much you love him, Steph. And that's because he's incapable of absorbing it. Addicts have a big hole in their makeup; you pour love and support in, it comes right back out.
Please do what is necessary to ensure both your safety and the safety of your baby.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Sorry for your very stressful situation. If love fixed addiction, there would be no need for this site or any of the support groups for loved ones of addicts. I am sorry to say that, but it is true--my love for my recovering addict daughter has never been "enough" in all senses of the word.
My main reason for replying is to urge you to get info immediately about women's shelters, preferably a domestic abuse shelter, in your area so that you know exactly where to go if things get worse. And by the way, you don't have to be HIT to be abused, you just need to feel unsafe and at risk. I really hope you will find a safe place to live for you and your baby--make that your priority right now. This may sound blunt, but please DO NOT count on him to change now or even when the baby is born, unless he is actively working a recovery program...Again, sorry for your pain and all best wishes to you.
My main reason for replying is to urge you to get info immediately about women's shelters, preferably a domestic abuse shelter, in your area so that you know exactly where to go if things get worse. And by the way, you don't have to be HIT to be abused, you just need to feel unsafe and at risk. I really hope you will find a safe place to live for you and your baby--make that your priority right now. This may sound blunt, but please DO NOT count on him to change now or even when the baby is born, unless he is actively working a recovery program...Again, sorry for your pain and all best wishes to you.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I agree with those above, if love was enough then not one of us would be here. I also agree that abuse gets worse over time, so please take very good care of yourself and your baby. If you have family support, maybe think about asking them for help to find a safe place for you and your unborn child.
My prayers go out for you, dear, this must be a stressful, unhappy time for you. Life doesn't have to be this hard, please reach out for help.
Hugs
My prayers go out for you, dear, this must be a stressful, unhappy time for you. Life doesn't have to be this hard, please reach out for help.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: FL
Posts: 12
Get out of it now for the sake of your baby and yourself!
Unless he is completely cleaned off from any type of addiction (not just three weeks after he says he's off those things, but a year after or maybe more), do not risk the baby around him. Love is a not a fix for drug addicts, love is a resort and manipulation means. Lots of loves and prayers.
Unless he is completely cleaned off from any type of addiction (not just three weeks after he says he's off those things, but a year after or maybe more), do not risk the baby around him. Love is a not a fix for drug addicts, love is a resort and manipulation means. Lots of loves and prayers.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: BC
Posts: 111
"Is love enough?"
For normal average people, yes it MIGHT be.
But for a drunk or an addict, NEVER!!! They love their booze and drugs much much much more than you or your love. He is willing to kick you out or live without you, but he won't leave their booze and drug.
It's very easy to understand. Because he is not going to get sober. He simply doesn't want to. So your love is not enough for him, he loves his booze more than you or your baby. It sounds a little harsh, but leave your love to yourself and your baby, honey. It much worth than give it to someone who threatens to kick you out.
For normal average people, yes it MIGHT be.
But for a drunk or an addict, NEVER!!! They love their booze and drugs much much much more than you or your love. He is willing to kick you out or live without you, but he won't leave their booze and drug.
The fight over his distain of sobriety is getting worse and I am literally at my end and lost. I don't understand this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Darlington
Posts: 175
You can't do anything except protect yourself and your child. If we could live them better they would all be cured xx love yourself first and the only way to do that is to walk till he cleans up. If he can throw a pregnant woman out the mother of his child what kind of partner or father is he going to be at this stage of his life
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