Is recreational cocaine really that bad?
 

My XA uses cocaine every weekend. He doesn't use it every day...so he thinks he doesn't have a "problem" (similar to his alcohol use). If you're only using cocaine on the weekends does it really pose a problem in one's life?

Why does doing something illegal, addictive and dangerous only on certain days of the week make it OK?
If I say I like to run over stray animals with my car, but I only do it on weekends, would that mean I didn't have a problem, or would it mean that I was justifying my sickness so that I could continue the unhealthy behavior?
Addicts use all kinds of rationalizations to justify themselves. Mostly for their own edification, but if they can get someone else to buy their bs, then that's just gravy.

Do you believe he's only using it weekends?

Over 26 years ago I would use occasionally. Never bought it and definitely not every weekend. When I finally realized months later that my bf (now husband) was an addict and what that was doing to him...I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it!!! We let ourselves believe what we want to believe.

You did say ex correct? What he does with his time on the weekends should have no place that matters in your life. Unless you share custody of children and his drug use is a factor.

I think the better question you might focus on is, why does it even matter to you what he does, he's an ex and you are struggling to move on.

The more free rent you allow him to occupy in your mind the less space you have for you and your future happiness.

I don't need lectures on how he's my "x." We were engaged and together for 5 years, and just broke up last week. It hasn't even been 7 days. We are financially tied in and a lot of my belongings are in his storage as we were having a house built together.

I have a lot I need to sort through both monetarily with him as well as emotionally. A little empathy from people who respond goes a long way. Please think about the fragility of those asking questions before lecturing.

I'm sorry, I thought this break up was months in the making. Good luck to you.

Jodie...

I'm sorry you're going through this. The initial days after a breakup can be pretty brutal, and I know you must be pretty raw at the moment.

With that being said, I strongly suspect he's not being honest about how often he's doing coke. Based on this, I would be extremely skeptical about anything he says because you're dealing with someone in an altered state of consciousness.

Keep us posted.

Thank you. My head is spinning because I am suspicious that he will come back and I need to arm myself with knowledge and insight, that is why I am at SR and al-anon asking questions and in such desperate need for help.

I think maybe it would help you to break it into two parts about drug use. There is the question on how the use of coke affects him. And then the second part is how his using coke and the likely change in behaviors affected you. My husband was snorting coke, but he cant control his use, I'll just say it has negative affects. I could see changes in him but at the time didnt know what it was from. On a face to face basis he was still ok, and didnt change his actions with me a lot. It reminded me of times when he legitimately had lot of stress at work and was preoccupied. When it got out of control, it became obvious and he had to get help in order to stop.

But this is your ex, so Im thinking his behavior made it that way? I think look back at how it was and honestly ask if they way things were was ok for you? Was his part of the relationship ok, how you were treated ok, think of the reasons why it ended. If those are still valid, then this might be enough to keep u moving forward?

Dear Jodie,
I'm sorry about the break up, you were building a life together for a long time...
My opinion about your question...if it was posed to me was, cocaine is illegal.
Would it seem like a problem if he just finished doing some cocaine, got into a car
and drove away, running over a child? His defense? He only uses on "weekends."
Is this a problem? Do you foresee an "illegal drug problem?".
Take care of your heart Jodie.
TF

From my past experience in real life and also listening to the stories of others here at SR....my thoughts are that using cocaine is ALWAYS a problem, whether used daily or occasionally (which usually leads to daily in very short time), I have never once heard anyone say "Cocaine made my life better."

It's a harmful, illegal drug that has destroyed lives and killed our loved ones.

Nope, from where I sit it is never okay.

I wish you luck and send hugs because I know this must be a very emotional difficult time for you.

Hugs

EXCELLENT! Almost my thoughts to the t.

-First problem-illegal activity on a regular basis
-Rationalization or excuses
-Stimulant equals danger in my experience. Hope he doesn't have a short temper or impatience sober because with regular stimulant use those issues will get worse
-What other drugs or substances is he using along with the cocaine? No combinations to worry about?

Just 'illegal' would set off alarms for me because setting aside any potential medical issues there are potential legal issues including criminal along with the loss of job and/or opportunity. DFWP-Drug Free Work Place which many employers are.

He's got to get it from somewhere too, right. Which means he's spending a lot of money on a drug dealer. Not a good activity.

Jodi, you have mentioned in other posts that you are 37 and want to have a child. That struck a chord with me. I am 40 and have spent most of my adult life dating men who were addicts or in some other way unavailable, and so not good candidates for fatherhood. I look back now and wonder where the time went, and am facing the possibility that I may never have children. Just food for thought. You still have some time to make your motherhood dreams come true.

Do not procreate with an addict. Add children to the mix and life becomes a lot more complicated, and a lot more hard. I promise. Read my past posts.

Thank you alllllll! You're helping me so much.

My X had a HUGE cocaine problem. He was using all the time, erratic, cheated, lied and stole. It was bad. He lost his family. That is where he started. Now I believe he is in the I need to get my stuff together and keep this job and will only use on weekends or when not working. I believe he will crash and burn at some point...again. That is what drugs do.

It isn't healthy, legal and can lead to danger. No, it is not cool.

Also, be glad you don't have kids with this person. Go back and read my posts too! :)

My x used cocaine on the weekends. He has had seizures, smoked crack, rehab, 2 DUIs, outpatients programs, a Xanax addiction to curbe the withdrawal. This is what happens if people don't stop using on the weekends. I think you are dodging a bullet...