He's back at it
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
He's back at it
Hello SR Family. JJ is now officially homeless and lost everything again. Asking for prayers. He lied to his girlfriend about having a job and they could not afford the rent on their room. He left her stranded yesterday while he took off. Our family picked up the pieces and helped her move out (under one condition that she does NOT stay with JJ).
I gave JJ a blanket, pillow and jacket. He asked me to drop him off at a sober living facility where some of his former roomates from rehab stayed. Last I heard yesterday they were trying to get him a bed.
Of course he is not clean at this point so I don't know if they will make him go to detox. In my experience with JJ, we get 3 good months after rehab and then he self destructs.
I feel so drained and exhausted but this time around I really understand with both my heart and my head that this is HIS life. He must decide for himself how he wants to live. More than anything, my request is for prayers for JJ and for my peace and to find comfort while I am in this place of despair and sadness. I hate to say it, but it feels like he is dead already.
I gave JJ a blanket, pillow and jacket. He asked me to drop him off at a sober living facility where some of his former roomates from rehab stayed. Last I heard yesterday they were trying to get him a bed.
Of course he is not clean at this point so I don't know if they will make him go to detox. In my experience with JJ, we get 3 good months after rehab and then he self destructs.
I feel so drained and exhausted but this time around I really understand with both my heart and my head that this is HIS life. He must decide for himself how he wants to live. More than anything, my request is for prayers for JJ and for my peace and to find comfort while I am in this place of despair and sadness. I hate to say it, but it feels like he is dead already.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
This is heartbreaking to read. But, as you've said:
And it's willful self destruction. All you can do is what you're doing: hold him in your heart, pray for him, but allow him the dignity to make his own decisions.
Hang in there.
In my experience with JJ, we get 3 good months after rehab and then he self destructs.
Hang in there.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
JJ always has my prayers, good days and bad. I am so sorry he relapsed again and I pray he can learn from this and grow and find a better path to stay grounded on.
I know the sad disappointment you feel, it's an awful sick feeling even when we are working our program and know we can't change what is.
So I am sending mama to mama hugs, prayers for you too, and my sincere wishes that one day soon your life returns to a happier place.
Hugs and Hugs
I know the sad disappointment you feel, it's an awful sick feeling even when we are working our program and know we can't change what is.
So I am sending mama to mama hugs, prayers for you too, and my sincere wishes that one day soon your life returns to a happier place.
Hugs and Hugs
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
i'm so sorry... walking with you and praying for your peace and his wake up... my son sits on the fence, no progress either way, and it can be exhausting.
i try hard to remember i am not the addict... and find calm where i can and create joy where i can and then remind myself again when sadness overwhelms me i am not the addict...
more mama to mama hugs heading your way.
i try hard to remember i am not the addict... and find calm where i can and create joy where i can and then remind myself again when sadness overwhelms me i am not the addict...
more mama to mama hugs heading your way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Thank you all. I am feeling that PTSD stress today, reliving when JJ was last homeless for 3.5 months before he got arrested. He will be out of phone minutes at midnight tonight and basically out of touch for me. Letting go second by second and resisting the urge to text him or call him.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 258
I don't have children, but my heart breaks for you.
Watching an addict self-distruct is such a painful and helpless experience, but you did everything you could for your son.
JJ might be hard to reach by your love at this point, but I thank you for offering a helping hand to his gf. I can not speak for JJ, but I have been friends with an addict and am still grateful for the people who stood by my side when the "ship went down" - they helped make a difference in my life.
Watching an addict self-distruct is such a painful and helpless experience, but you did everything you could for your son.
JJ might be hard to reach by your love at this point, but I thank you for offering a helping hand to his gf. I can not speak for JJ, but I have been friends with an addict and am still grateful for the people who stood by my side when the "ship went down" - they helped make a difference in my life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Thanks 91111. His girlfriend is a beautiful, kind and caring woman, but she was in such huge denial about JJ's relapse. It had to be the WORST thing for her to go through realizing the man she loves is not the person who she is with now. She is an ex addict and already lost a boyfriend a few years ago to a heroin overdose. I gave her the only advise that I could. My son is not worthy of your love and this is not your fault. Her family allowed her to move back home so she can regroup. JJ does not have that option. I made it crystal clear in May when he relapsed last time, he cannot live with us.
Its so sad that he doesn't even see what his choices have done to his family.
We all function better with little to no contact, and that part is also very hard for me.
Its so sad that he doesn't even see what his choices have done to his family.
We all function better with little to no contact, and that part is also very hard for me.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
My heart hurts for you. To me, there is no mistress who controls a person's mind, body and soul the way heroin and other opiates do. Once my daughter was telling me how it felt when she overdosed, and by the way she described how she felt before she stopped breathing,I knew, although she almost died that she wasn't done. It's hard for me to imagine, but seeing what it does to our beloved kids, it is incomprehensibly frightening.
I know that you know you are doing the right thing, but it doesn't hurt to hear it again. You are. I'm praying that you find peace and that JJ remembers all he found in sober times and gets back on track quickly. I hope he learns as much from each relapse as you have learned and that you and your family and this sweet young girl feel the love and support that surrounds you in this difficult time.
I know that you know you are doing the right thing, but it doesn't hurt to hear it again. You are. I'm praying that you find peace and that JJ remembers all he found in sober times and gets back on track quickly. I hope he learns as much from each relapse as you have learned and that you and your family and this sweet young girl feel the love and support that surrounds you in this difficult time.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
but she was in such huge denial about JJ's relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Thank you Greet, it is not easy walking this path. But while they are breathing, there is hope. Jay understands the pull of the addiction and he hasn't been "sick and tired" enough to give it up. I have NO idea what kind of bottom he must have with everything he has already been through!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
Originally Posted by Ilovemysonjj 
Hello SR Family. JJ is now officially homeless and lost everything again. Asking for prayers. He lied to his girlfriend about having a job and they could not afford the rent on their room. He left her stranded yesterday while he took off. Our family picked up the pieces and helped her move out (under one condition that she does NOT stay with JJ).
I gave JJ a blanket, pillow and jacket. He asked me to drop him off at a sober living facility where some of his former roomates from rehab stayed. Last I heard yesterday they were trying to get him a bed.
Of course he is not clean at this point so I don't know if they will make him go to detox. In my experience with JJ, we get 3 good months after rehab and then he self destructs.
I feel so drained and exhausted but this time around I really understand with both my heart and my head that this is HIS life. He must decide for himself how he wants to live. More than anything, my request is for prayers for JJ and for my peace and to find comfort while I am in this place of despair and sadness. I hate to say it, but it feels like he is dead already.
I gave JJ a blanket, pillow and jacket. He asked me to drop him off at a sober living facility where some of his former roomates from rehab stayed. Last I heard yesterday they were trying to get him a bed.
Of course he is not clean at this point so I don't know if they will make him go to detox. In my experience with JJ, we get 3 good months after rehab and then he self destructs.
I feel so drained and exhausted but this time around I really understand with both my heart and my head that this is HIS life. He must decide for himself how he wants to live. More than anything, my request is for prayers for JJ and for my peace and to find comfort while I am in this place of despair and sadness. I hate to say it, but it feels like he is dead already.
He was temporarily living with me for last two months but won't be anymore. He'll either be in jail or homeless.
We certainly don't deserve this. Hugs from one mom to another. I also hate to say it but I am almost glad. I'd rather see him in jail (I guess) than out on the streets. He has two kids. This hurts so much. The grandkids are fine as they live with their mom.
Now my husband and I have to figure out how to get through this. So sad.
Kari
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
It's too much agony and sadness, anger and frustration. I am so sorry for you and for JJ and his GF. My heart goes out to you, along with a big strong hug. I so understand the PTSD. I am on a little "trip" myself with it right now and, wow, how quickly their dramas circle back and grab onto our old trauma/addiction memories. I will keep you all in my prayers tonight.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
I, too, am so sorry this happened to JJ and to your family. My heart breaks that
you have to see this again in your son. Addiction has no mercy.
Tight hugs and prayers coming your way...
Please take care of yourself
TF
you have to see this again in your son. Addiction has no mercy.
Tight hugs and prayers coming your way...
Please take care of yourself
TF
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
It's been a long road we've been traveling, with a lot of ups and downs. Teresa, you and JJ are in my prayers and thoughts. I know this is not easy for you and yet your kindness shines through with helping his girlfriend. May JJ find and use the tools to get back on the road to recovery. Many hugs coming your way.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Red Bank
Posts: 78
So sorry you are going thru this. It hurts so bad when you think you see a little progress and you get your hopes up only to have them dashed again. You are doing all the right things even though it hurts so much. Prayers for you and your family.
suffering is not a requirement
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: rising above the ashes
Posts: 147
I'M sorry abt his relapse. prayers going up for all concerned.. I am just sitting here nodding my head to everything that you said and everything everyone has said. I understand the feelings. I have thrown my son out several times..he visits now under my close supervision, he knows if he comes to my home high or gets high while there ..he will be immediately asked to leave. He loves me, his son, and my son..in fact he lives for the boys. I just pray he sticks to it. He sees us a couple times a month and yep that's plenty for me. I've been dealing with him and his addiction for way too long and frankly I just don't want to anymore. What a freedom it is to be able to give him back to God, Detach with love and not have to be a victim of his addiction anymore.
Amongst the katrillion things that SR has helped to me keep going was this
.."As long as they're still sucking in air, there is hope for them"..I heard that many years ago, and still use it. I Thank God every day for the ppl here.
I Pray daily for all the ppl here and their addicts
Hugs to you ILMSJJ
Amongst the katrillion things that SR has helped to me keep going was this
.."As long as they're still sucking in air, there is hope for them"..I heard that many years ago, and still use it. I Thank God every day for the ppl here.
I Pray daily for all the ppl here and their addicts
Hugs to you ILMSJJ
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