New to the boards
 

Call me naive, call me blind, or maybe a willing un-participant but I can't believe I didn't know it was worse.

My 23 year old brother called yesterday to tell me he has a coke problem and needs rehab. I took him today. Along the way I learned he stole about 500 in stuff from his boss for drugs and was involved in a credit card scheme.

And then his boss called and it was $10000 worth of stuff and it's heroin. How did I not know it was worse? What do you do to not be an enabler during the rehab visits? Where do I start?

From what I have learned an addict never tells the truth. There might be a kernel, but there is always more to it.

I am really sorry to hear this. Keep reading and educate yourself about addict. It can be very shocking if you had no idea.

Kimmilynn...

Welcome to the Board. I'm grateful that you've found us, and grateful that you've posted.

Now that the holidays are behind us, more members will be by to greet you and to give you feedback and support. For now, I've got my own thoughts.

It's heartbreaking to read about young people like your brother getting into this kind of trouble. But the best thing to do for your brother is to allow him to fully experience the consequences of his actions. Stealing $10K worth of stuff from his boss is quite the serious crime. Although this will likely make him extremely angry with you, do not save your brother from the mess that he created.

Now, whether this smartens your brother up is a different story. I'm guessing in the short term, probably not. Because his ethical and moral compass has been disabled by heroin, it doesn't phase him that what he did was incredibly wrong. Until your brother decides to fully embrace recovery, I would not believe a word that comes out of his mouth.

I'm sorry this has happened, but again, I'm really happy you found us. Welcome to the Board.

Welcome, Kimmilynn, I'm sorry for your sadness but glad you found us.

Your brother is young, hopefully he will face the reality of what he did and the consequences involved. Rehab is a good place to begin, it's not a hiding place, it's a place where he can learn to leave the drugs behind and face life on life's terms. I pray he will embrace this opportunity to turn his life around right now.

Some learn quickly and grab on to recovery as a life line, others take years and years and may go in and out of the revolving door of recovery/relapse. There is hope for your brother, he has youth in his side, but this is something he is going to have to do by himself for himself.

It was good of you to drive him to rehab, that's helpfully supporting actions he put in place for recovery. Now it may be best to step back and let him find his own way. If talking to him doesn't disturb you, then continue to talk to him and encourage him (gently and without expectations). But please don't become enmessed in his addiction, arguing with him or doing for him what he should be doing for himself or advocating for him with those he has wronged...this is all his to do.

Meetings help many of us find our balance when a loved one is self-destructing. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that teach us how to take very good care of ourselves...regardless of how our loved on is doing. Maybe give them a try and see if they don't help you too.

Take a read around, especially the sticky posts at the top of this forum, there is a lot of helpful information that may assist you in understanding what this is all about.

Hugs