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Old 12-22-2014, 07:02 PM
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Bombshell

Just spoke with my brother down south about an hour ago as I was packing.

He told me my niece admitted herself to rehab for alcoholism.

It's not too often I'm stunned into silence these days, but this evening was one of those moments. I still vividly remember the day she was born. Her mother is small, and my niece was born a little bit premature. She was so small, she fit in my hand. Absolutely tiny. We were incredibly close during the first years of her life. In a way, we still are, even though we don't see each other that often anymore.

I must admit I'm rather pissed off at God right now. Irrationally so, but pissed just the same. I got off the phone with my brother, looked up at my ceiling, and said aloud:

Really? Her? Are you f*cking kidding me?

I then threw my baseball hat on the floor in anger.

But no matter who it is that goes into rehab, that person is someone's child. Someone's parent. Someone's spouse, or sibling, or friend...or niece. And after I sat down and thought about it some, it occurred to me that if my niece wants to seek recovery, she's going to have to assume responsibility for herself every day for the rest of her life. She doesn't fit in my hand anymore. She's an adult, and adults need to learn how to stand on their own.

My brother doesn't know that I know what I know about addiction and/or alcoholism. He doesn't know that my last girlfriend was a drug addict. He doesn't know I was in Al Anon, or have gone to NA and AA meetings in the past. He certainly doesn't know his brother is ZoSo77. For now, I'm going to keep it that way.

F*ck. F*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck!!!!!
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Old 12-22-2014, 07:13 PM
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ah dang it. really sorry Zoso. but ya know what I was thinking? by going thru what you did with the exgf, you are now in a much better position to be of some support and/or guidance....if asked of course. when the time is right, if it is, you have a lot of ES&H to share. you know the drill, so to speak. coincidence? maybe not.
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Old 12-22-2014, 07:18 PM
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It is very, very difficult for me to be dispassionate about this. And I also don't know what sort of environment I'm heading into when I get down there.

What I'm probably going to do is listen to what my brother and his wife are saying and see if they're in the zip code they should be. If they're not, then I have a decision to make as to what to say and how to say it...
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Old 12-22-2014, 07:31 PM
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Zoso...I am so very sorry that this has happened...and you are right...each one of our addicted loved ones affects their own loved ones and those who love them.

Stay calm and hugs are going out to you (that is my 'go to' as a mom when just don't what to say or do...)--given her young age and your relationship with her...sending deep prayers for her HP to work with her very quickly...although I know it is not something any of us can control for her.
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Old 12-22-2014, 07:49 PM
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I'm sorry Zoso - but as one from the other side - it's really good she's dealing with this now instead of waiting 20 or 30 years like I did.

There are many of us who recover - I sincerely hope she'll be one of that number too, man

D
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Old 12-22-2014, 08:41 PM
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Damn. I'm sorry. I was just brought a little back down to earth after writing my post earlier about anger and lack of compassion towards not only my AXBF, but addicts in general. This helps me reattach that "human being" label.
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Old 12-22-2014, 09:03 PM
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Sorry to hear. How old is she, if you don't mind me asking? Sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders and is self aware enough to get on top of things now.

Many of us 'on the other side' WISH we had been smart and aware enough to begin our path to recovery when we were much younger. I'm glad she isn't choosing the well worn path of rationalising and continuing on with it, to avoid making waves or alarming/worrying any loved ones. Best of luck to her.
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Old 12-22-2014, 09:04 PM
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God DAMN this miserable scourge!
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Old 12-22-2014, 09:36 PM
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How lucky she is to have you as an uncle.... If she only knew of the countless number of people you have helped on SR...

I'm sorry you are going through this.... You obviously love her very much

Thinking of you and wishing you the best
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Old 12-23-2014, 06:42 AM
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Zoso, I'm just so sorry to hear about your niece. I think it's good news that she admitted herself!

Addiction runs like a river through my maternal line, and it has been heartbreaking to watch the younger generations struggle.
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Old 12-23-2014, 06:58 AM
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Originally Posted by zoso77 View Post
It is very, very difficult for me to be dispassionate about this. And I also don't know what sort of environment I'm heading into when I get down there.

What I'm probably going to do is listen to what my brother and his wife are saying and see if they're in the zip code they should be. If they're not, then I have a decision to make as to what to say and how to say it...
As a parent of a 23 YO who has been an addict for years I am going to go out on a limb and say they are probably not in the right zip code just yet....

That being said, I'm glad they have you....it will help, and you will know what does and does not need to be said.

I will never forget a few years back finding out my nephew (who lives across the country with his dad, my brother in law) had the same addiction as my son. My son was in rehab and serious legal trouble when my brother in law came to visit. My husband and I were devastated and while my husband shared with his brother what we were going through, my brother in law NEVER ONCE acknowledged what his own son was going through. He listened to my DH pour his heart out (well, as much as he does, anyhow) and said NOTHING about his own son. We only found out later on from our nephew himself, who explained that his dad doesn't want anyone to think his life was less than perfect.

Sorry, but I now see my brother in law in a totally different light, and part of me will never forgive him for not being there emotionally for my DH when he knew damn well what it was like to go through this. Don't get me wrong, if our son had not been an addict, I totally understand (and respect)my brother in laws right to privacy and keeping it to himself, but to sit there an listen to my DH talk about our son, and to offer NOTHING is unfathomable to me....

OK, rant over........do what you feel in your heart.....you will know........

Good luck and will say a prayer for your niece as she battles this [email protected] Demon!!!
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Old 12-23-2014, 08:53 AM
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Zoso, I am sorry to hear about your niece. HOWEVER, it's good that she is in rehab getting the help she needs. I will be praying too.
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Old 12-23-2014, 09:22 AM
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Dear Zoso,
I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your family. The pain and memories must feel overwhelming to you right now...
I don't know the age of your dear niece, but, when my young daughters (19 & 22) were entering treatment, it seemed the younger we caught this disease, the better chances of recovery they had. They accepted and entered recovery programs willingly, take that as HOPE dear Zoso.
Your brother and his family are fortunate to have you as a support system as well as other support therapies.
Most importantly to US Zoso, YOU have helped the members of SR so much, given to SR so often...now it's time to let your SR family help YOU! Lean on us, accept our support as we walk willingly with you through this, onto the path of a healthy, positive recovery!
Bless you and your family Zoso, find that good ol' hope and support to your family, as WE here at SR give all the support and hope right back at you!
You will know what to do Zoso!
Gentle and sincere hugs to one of our great members and leaders!
My thoughts and prayers are here for you!
Merry Christmas Zoso!
TF
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Old 12-23-2014, 10:33 AM
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Zoso

I have no doubt in my mind that your family would benefit greatly from your guidance, and I have no doubt that you will know when and how to deliver that guidance in a fashion that will enable them to listen. I predict your brother will find it comforting to learn that you have been through a similar experience. Hang in there and know your SR fans are thinking of you.

Andy
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Old 12-23-2014, 08:44 PM
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Guys...I'm down south, at my brothers, on my iPhone.

Thank you all so much for your support. I love you all.

As we all know, the real challenge is after discharge. It's really up to her now. And I have to pick and choose my spots as to when I say something.

Z
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Old 12-23-2014, 08:46 PM
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Guys...I'm down south, at my brothers, on my iPhone.

Thank you all so much for your support. I love you all.

As we all know, the real challenge is after discharge. It's really up to her now. And I have to pick and choose my spots as to when I say something.

Z
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Old 12-24-2014, 05:15 AM
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Zoso, I am so sorry that she has been a victim of this terrible disease and glad she has reached out for help. I will keep her in my prayers.

My thoughts are that her family will have to work through this and find their own path, in their own time and in their own way. That said, some comforting words from you or helpful suggestions (like meetings) may be just what they need to hear right now. They probably feel very alone...if they only knew how "not alone" they are.

You can't fix them, they have to find their own way, but you can comfort them as much as you feel comfortable with.

Hugs and Merry Christmas, Zoso.
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Old 12-24-2014, 01:54 PM
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Zoso...you have a lot of wisdom...much learned painfully...know that you will work your program in discerning how much to say.

Seems to me that just having you there is so supportive for her parents...and as sorry as I am that she is a victim of this terrible disease...it was so heartening to know that she was able to check herself in and get herself help...that is enormous in my book.
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Old 12-24-2014, 10:27 PM
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I just spent the last two hours with my sister-in-law talking about my niece. If her eyes were not fully opened as to what she's dealing with, they are now.

Merry Christmas to all of you and to those you love.
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Old 12-25-2014, 05:00 AM
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I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. I'm finding that total release of info is helping me. Not hiding the addiction has opened up so many other people to telling me about their experiences or "confessing" about addicts in their lives. I was so embarrassed not too long ago and didn't want to tell anyone. Once I did and getting the reactions that I did, it was very freeing. I hope that you can tell your family not only to help them but maybe make you feel freer too. I hope your niece finds recovery and remains healthy and happy.
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