Whitewingeddove

Haven't heard from my AS for 9 days. We finally got a phone call last night, although that seems to be a mixed blessing. He put us on the phone with My 23 mos old grandaughter, which was obviously nice, and wanted to know when we would like to have her come over. Then of course we get the “update” which just continues to worsen. He went off the road on Friday on the interstate 50+ miles away on summer tires, mind you... (giving a ride to a friend to the bus station is his “story”). The car has been towed…where to he doesn’t know. I told him to call the State Police and they will be able to tell him where it is. Of course, there will be towing and daily storage fees to pay to get it back, and we all know he doesn’t have money for that. He said he will have to “figure it out”. Sure……

He has court Thurs for another arraignment on a VOP charge, and then court at the end of January for sentencing on a VOP for a dirty UA. I guess the arraignment on Thurs is for a missed PO appointment. Big surprise. He didn’t make it to IOP last night because of not having a car. I also asked him if they (he and his GF) have been making it to the clinic for their daily suboxone doses, and of course the answer was “we have been missing some doses due to not having a car”.

It never ends……he will be in jail soon, I have no doubt…..

I would love to go pick up my granddaughter......and not bring her back....

it never ends.......

Twofish

Dead Whitewingeddove,
I'm sorry this is happening to you, it's not going to stop until you make it
stop. What most likely is stopping you, is your precious dear granddaughter...
and your AS and his girlfriend know this.
Let him figure out HIS mess and please don't go crazy with worry.
Is there any possibility that you can be granted custody of
this dear granddaughter? She's so young and needs to be taken care of and
to be loved, full time.
So, they are missing their Suboxone doses? That's painful and IMO I'd question
the truth in what he says.
Seems to missing quite a few very important appointments recently.
He has to, like he says "figure it out". Let him do this and
while he's "figuring It out" you might want to consider taking custody of your granddaughter, if you have the means to...
The innocent are always getting hurt when active addiction comes a knocking.
Will say a prayer for your guidance dear WWD!
Here's a hug from us. You have hope on your side.
TF

hopeful4

Question for you. Can you hotline them? And just say you have concern for your granddaughter that she is not being properly cared for b/c her parents are unable to care for her?

I am sorry if I have perceived this incorrectly, but for them to have a child is a train wreck, as you well know. I am sure I will get some slack for this, but I would offer them money to sign off parental rights to you. Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.

I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart hurts for you.

Whitewingeddove

the problem is that in our state, substance abuse by the parent(s) of a minor child does not fall under the definition of "harm" by state department of childrens services standards. so....there have to be other "provable" concerns before they will take action. In January 2015, our state legislators will be taking up this very issue (amongst others - to include more information sharing between DCF, the courts, etc)

I do know they would not accept any amount of money to turn over custody of my GD. I have to tread very carefully here. If I show my hand too much in my concerns and make a complaint that is not sufficient enough to cause DCF action, and they find out.....I DO know that I would then NOT be allowed by them to see my GD at all. In our state, there are virtually NO grandparent rights (I've researched this). I have no more rights to visitation of my GD than my non-relative neighbor down the street.

My GD is thriving physically and developmentally (milestone wise) right now.....This I can see for myself. If I am not careful, I will have no way to see/monitor her for myself to bring up additional concerns down the road....

hopeful4

I completely understand. It is so disgusting that the states do not protect children of substance abusers.

I think you have researched this and are doing the best you can do, that is great. Clearly they are willing to let her come over to you and that is great also, I am sure she treasures the time as much as you do.

Tight, tight hugs.

Twofish

Dear WWD,
Yes, you are in a situation where you must be very certain that harm/abuse or
neglect are positively a threat.
What if you "offered" to take care of your dear GD whilst your AS and his
GF are seeking care for their addictions?
If your son, indeed goes to prison, will the GF be capable of caring for the
the young child? Seems a lot of serious decisions will be made in the next month
or so.
In the meanwhile, love that dear GD as much as they will allow you to. If they didn't
need you, they wouldn't of called, told you a sob/guilt story, put the child on the phone
and then asked you when she can come over.
Offer to take the child and spoil her with love. Also spoil yourself with the joy and
hope a child brings. That's all you can do for right now.
Tight hugs and God Bless the grandmas who care as much as you do!
TF
PS...hopeful4 no slack or criticism for your suggestion. Your interests are in protecting
the child! Pure and simple. Your heart is golden

Whitewingeddove

On many occasions, I offered to take care of her while they BOTH went and detoxed/went to rehab. I have a tenant in a mobile home on my property who does daycare, so I could still work my full time job. I also told them I would/could take a leave of absence from work if need be to care for her in the event that my tenant could not watch her.........

I've offered/tried more than once......we all know how our best intentions/begging/pleading works out most of the time......

PS: Ditto hopeful4- absolutely NO criticism for your suggestion. If I thought it would work, I would try...believe me........

hopeful4

Thank you both. I understand that you have done everything you can, and that is all you can do except monitor as best you can and pray, you can always pray. I will pray for all of you also.

Tight, tight hugs.

Whitewingeddove

Will be picking up my sweet precious little GD after my Dr's appointment this afternoon. Going to try with all my might to not have ANY type of verbal exchange about all the drama going on with my son...

For today/tonight, I am just going to wrap my arms around my little ray of sunshine and enjoy every single minute I get with her until I have to bring her back home..........

Whitewingeddove

Spent a wonderful dinner with DH and our favorite little angel. I needed this! So much sweetness in such a little package.

hopeful4

I am so so happy to hear this from you!!!!