thequest

How long before the alkie or addict devolves into full blown criminal behavior and not just lying and theft from friends & family. At what point or what would drive them to crime on strangers ie theft, robbery etc.

The problem one here already has pushed ethical boundaries over the years and has dropped hints to say the least including "I see why people become criminals, not as a passing comment but as in 'I will have to seriously think about this'.

He's ignored price tags for decades and simply will not give up many things along with alcohol & drugs. It's the sense of entitlement and the fact he won't take an entry level job. He's literally waiting around for the big score whether it's from gambling or a generous job offer. He's pushed ethical boundaries for decades including bankruptcies along with sticking numerous people & businesses for the bill. He also shows extreme frustration that he can't even get his richer friends to give him a "life loan" as he calls it and it's not a few thousand to catch up on unpaid utility bills. If you watch shows like American Greed many a scam artist started out taking from their clients thinking it was just a temporary loan and before you know it they are purposely scamming people for a living leading a life of crime.

How long was it, if at all before you noticed an alcoholic or addict turning to crime for their habit and/or life?

Carlotta

The majority of alcoholics never turn to crime.
I am an alcoholic in recovery myself and I certainly never engaged in criminal behavior and/or stole from anyone.

thequest

That's what I thought for the most part but he's doing too many other things along with the alcohol. He has days with less alcohol but he can't give it up. He's always looked at money as tool to get what he wants, not even an expensive or fragile tool.

Since he is extremely impatient he realizes that even if he steals he needs someone to sell it to. He's complaining now he can't sell a store gift card given to him last year. The biggest fear is that he will fall in with the wrong crowd as a middle aged man and accept their money for what ever deed he does. He boasts he knows gangsters and knows how to do business with them.

biminiblue

If someone is engaging in this kind of behavior, it's time to cut ties with him. I don't think alcohol is the entire cause but it certainly lowers inhibitions and impairs executive function and enables lower moral behavior, so impulsivity is common.

JOIE12

Alcoholics ... I don't think i know of any that committed crimes for a bottle.
Addicts ... not long. They run thru their money, then each person they know. Constantly scamming anyone. Food, gas, rides, selling their possessions, then stealing and selling others. Cars, cash ... anything that will net a dollar.

And they are good at it. They sneak their way into your heart and your head. They tell you anything you need to hear. It's sick and it's evil.

Take it from anyone here .... walk away before it becomes a part of your life and you give anything to 'help' this person.

It all ends up the same way.

Good luck and be strong.

thequest

This is why I personally look at alcohol and few other things as a gateway drug. I've seen longer term alcoholics take a rocket ship down after they started on other more hardcore drugs, I mean months not a year or years.

And just to add to the original question. I've seen workplace alcoholics lie their butts off on accident reports for fear of losing their job. We just had a local celebrity of sorts get caught leaving the scene of a dui accident. Wouldn't lying for a job or insurance be for money although not necessarily the next drink? I guess many would look at that as a consequence and not their habit.

VirgoRising

My father was an alcoholic and crack addict. He never had any run-ins with the police and avoided it at all costs. I did notice he was charged with possession about four years after I stopped speaking with him (I have been estranged from him for the last ten years). I think he must have stopped being careful for one reason or another. He stole money from my mother (would write checks out to himself using her checks) but outside of that, I don't recall him stealing from anyone else. He was just a mooch, and now he lives off his older sister. Also, in spite of how frequently he would drive drunk (I mean ALL THE TIME), he was never caught, not once in 30 years.

My ex boyfriend is an addict. He is a mooch as well, living off his parents who are full on enablers. I have never known him to steal or cheat and he avoids run-ins with the law at all costs. He doesn't want anything to get in the way of getting his precious subs each month. He also wouldn't last a second in jail. He's been on opiates for probably about 7 years.

I have known of plenty of alcoholics and addicts who cheat on and mooch off their families but never resort to full blown stealing, whoring themselves out, robbing other people, etc. A lot of them want to avoid going to jail and push buttons just enough to get what they want but also avoid that. I think it just depends on the personality.

flwrgirl

He needs to hit bottom. You need to take care of u. biminiblue is right walk away and cut ties.. its hard. Its brutal.. but if you can put up with it you can walk away from it. But the sooner You leave, the sooner u will move on. Everyday I wish my ex would contact me.. but hes not because he is using, the man I fell in love with is gone. I am grateful the addict I was with walked out of my life when he started to use again. I have no choice I have to take care of me, move on and get better. There is a wonderful world of happiness, love and laughter that is waiting for you to enjoy to the fullest.

thequest

The mooching is exactly what's been going on over the last several years. It's gotten to the point that he's had accident/s in borrowed cars(he says not his fault and has gotten repairs for his friends/owner). I don't loan mine especially knowing he had a dui and warn others. He seems to hit the recently divorced women hard and/or newer friends hard for anything from a car to living arrangements with cable. He gets spoiled for a while and get's frustrated going back to family especially those who buy generic food, pleads to get some "real" name brand more expensive food. He tries to extorts family trying to say all the bad things that will happen if he can't maintain his lifestyle and associated expenses.

I wish I could say the same about DUIs, he has several that we know of. Admitted being cut breaks by the police at accidents. He'll claim they are too spread out to be an issue but if you have a half century in and are having the same problems as a teenager driver there's an issue or two.

What's really got me nervous now is that he's talking about some unsolved petty thefts or suspected thieves with admiration. This would be a doable entry point into physical crime for him.

VirgoRising

This man doesn't just like sound a moocher; he sounds like a flat our parasite. I am surprised, though, at his age that he would going this route. This is the kind of behavior I would expect more from a teenager, someone in their 20s or even 30s... I have also read in a few places that people with these kind of issues don't really change but they do start to "tone it down" a bit. I am no therapist but I am pretty sure my father has anti-social personality disorder and my ex is borderline... my dad toned down a lot once he got into his 50s.

In any case, I know it's easier said than done, but you need to get away from this character. It is a very good thing you have never let him borrow your car! Not sure exactly what your relationship is - is he your ex? You really need to cut him out of your life if you can... I know how hard it is... otherwise, if it was easy, none of us would be here. It sounds like he is going down a very dangerous path... I just don't want to see you get burned. Please tread carefully!

cynical one

When he steals from family and friends do they always file a complaint with the police and then follow through with the charges?

zoso77

Here's my take.

This isn't an issue of just addiction/alcoholism. It's an issue about character. Once you convolve the two together, look out.

What is stopping you from removing yourself from his orbit?

thequest

Besides maturity I think the PEDs ie the steroids, growth hormone and other supplements allowed him to drink and party much longer and harder than unsupplemented person can. They say the PEDs helps the body recover faster from workouts so along with the workout recovery he probably never had to deal with the consequences of over drinking, drugging etc. I never see him go to the john to puke or complain about headache yet he has hangover breath all the time earlier in day. I think this is why he doesn't look towards the future or think about consequences either because he probably feels like a younger kid much of the time.

There were signs when he was younger but they were written off as a phase. When he started getting good jobs in his twenties people paid no mind to his drinking and partying. Even his peers from that time who partied harder but with much earlier consequences moved on to marriage, career, a house, kids etc. I think lucking out of consequences early in his adult life helped fortify his mindset.

hopeful4

I would go no contact at all. So sorry.