Emotions gone wild!
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 14
Emotions gone wild!
Today, I woke up with a heavy heart. It was almost as if every loss I've ever experienced was weighing on me when I opened my eyes. The tears started as I poured my coffee and I fought it off and on all day. We work so hard at being strong and keeping it all together--I guess it just gets to be too much sometimes and the dam bursts!
My AS has been out of our house now for 3 days--he called me this morning looking for his Social Security card (he's lost it--I couldn't find it). We had a pretty good visit. He stated that he thinks Rehab would be a good idea and he will "consider it on a few conditions"--I just kinda smiled to myself and listened. After he listed his conditions (I get him a carton of cigarettes to go in with him, agree to make sure he has his car after 30 days, pay his fines while he's in)-I replied,
"I'm not agreeing to anything right now. If you are ready for Rehab, you'll need to call and set it up and make the arrangements."
I guess that sounded a little cold and unhelpful--but we've been played so many times and that was my way of keeping my defenses up.
I asked him what makes him think he's ready to go to rehab and he replied, "I'm just tired of not having anything. I was laying awake last night thinking of all I could have accomplished if not for drugs and it makes me sick to think about it." I just listened and told him I love him and would love nothing more than to see him get healthy.
We hung up and I cried some more---sadness, hope, fear, loss, worry all running down my face under my sunglasses as I drove back to work.
I got home this evening and was scrolling through a few websites that I visit occasionally. This one particular website is focused on addiction and gives ratings/reviews for Rehab centers all over the world. A person who had spent time at a particular Rehab made the comment in his assessment of the place, "This place is intense and they don't play around. If you mess up, they aren't going to powder your precious little butt with a sugar donut." I found that comment hilarious and laughed out loud (with tears) for at least 15 minutes until my husband came into the room to make sure I was ok.
Just when I stopped laughing about that, I saw another comment a mother of an AS made about her son's success in recovery. She said something to the effect of, "I don't care if it took Suboxone, methadone or licking a toad---I'm not about to take anything from his success"
I started laughing all over again! Licking a toad!!!!!! Funny stuff.
The moral to this story is that even though my emotions have been out of whack today--I did get to have two very good laughs! I'll take it!
Goodnight friends! Here's hoping we all have a good day tomorrow
My AS has been out of our house now for 3 days--he called me this morning looking for his Social Security card (he's lost it--I couldn't find it). We had a pretty good visit. He stated that he thinks Rehab would be a good idea and he will "consider it on a few conditions"--I just kinda smiled to myself and listened. After he listed his conditions (I get him a carton of cigarettes to go in with him, agree to make sure he has his car after 30 days, pay his fines while he's in)-I replied,
"I'm not agreeing to anything right now. If you are ready for Rehab, you'll need to call and set it up and make the arrangements."
I guess that sounded a little cold and unhelpful--but we've been played so many times and that was my way of keeping my defenses up.
I asked him what makes him think he's ready to go to rehab and he replied, "I'm just tired of not having anything. I was laying awake last night thinking of all I could have accomplished if not for drugs and it makes me sick to think about it." I just listened and told him I love him and would love nothing more than to see him get healthy.
We hung up and I cried some more---sadness, hope, fear, loss, worry all running down my face under my sunglasses as I drove back to work.
I got home this evening and was scrolling through a few websites that I visit occasionally. This one particular website is focused on addiction and gives ratings/reviews for Rehab centers all over the world. A person who had spent time at a particular Rehab made the comment in his assessment of the place, "This place is intense and they don't play around. If you mess up, they aren't going to powder your precious little butt with a sugar donut." I found that comment hilarious and laughed out loud (with tears) for at least 15 minutes until my husband came into the room to make sure I was ok.
Just when I stopped laughing about that, I saw another comment a mother of an AS made about her son's success in recovery. She said something to the effect of, "I don't care if it took Suboxone, methadone or licking a toad---I'm not about to take anything from his success"
I started laughing all over again! Licking a toad!!!!!! Funny stuff.
The moral to this story is that even though my emotions have been out of whack today--I did get to have two very good laughs! I'll take it!
Goodnight friends! Here's hoping we all have a good day tomorrow
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
and sometimes the tears help cleanse the soul.....
i'm glad you had a good laugh to help balance your day!!!
you really handled this conversation like a pro Flower! keep posting - that's what SR is all about to me, learning from each other! and leaning on each other... from one mama to another i am glad you found us and sorry we have the need.
and maybe, just maybe, your son is having a moment of clarity. i pray it grows.
be kind to yourself today!
i'm glad you had a good laugh to help balance your day!!!
Originally Posted by Flower38 
"I'm not agreeing to anything right now. If you are ready for Rehab, you'll need to call and set it up and make the arrangements."
I asked him what makes him think he's ready to go to rehab and he replied, "I'm just tired of not having anything. I was laying awake last night thinking of all I could have accomplished if not for drugs and it makes me sick to think about it." I just listened and told him I love him and would love nothing more than to see him get healthy.
I asked him what makes him think he's ready to go to rehab and he replied, "I'm just tired of not having anything. I was laying awake last night thinking of all I could have accomplished if not for drugs and it makes me sick to think about it." I just listened and told him I love him and would love nothing more than to see him get healthy.
and maybe, just maybe, your son is having a moment of clarity. i pray it grows.
be kind to yourself today!
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
at my AA meeting the other night someone was commenting on a rehab place that was so tough you'd be out and down the steps..... and i almost bust a gut remembering the 'sugar donut' quote!!!!! if i had remembered it properly i would have thrown it out to the group!
i'm gonna memorize it now! and your shared laughter continues to get passed on! hoping you're having some laughter today and i'm sending good thoughts your way!
Originally Posted by Flower38
"This place is intense and they don't play around. If you mess up, they aren't going to powder your precious little butt with a sugar donut."
i'm gonna memorize it now! and your shared laughter continues to get passed on! hoping you're having some laughter today and i'm sending good thoughts your way!
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