FltoNJ

So I live in NJ, and my gf went to rehab in FL. Her mom didn't approve anything and she got her plane ticket covered by the rehab company etc. She told me she wanted to go to FL for the weather. I've really missed her since she left last tuesday.

We both used heroin together and she told me she might be leaving that week but didn't say when, and the company scheduled her ticket as soon as they could. I don't know if she really wants to get clean or just go to Florida.

Now my question is when will I hear from her? I called and got a hold of her the day she got admitted into detox right before her phone got taken away. I think after that is the 30 day rehab program, so around 37 days total meaning she'll be back january 6th. She went to rehab in Boca raton. How are the rehabs there? Do they let them make calls after detox?

zoso77

FltoNJ...

Welcome to the Board. This alarmed me:

I can appreciate your concern about your girlfriend. But to be honest, I'm more concerned about you than I am her. What are you doing to ensure that you're safe?

FltoNJ

well um honestly this month sucks so Im going to use to get through this month I know it sounds stupid but in all honesty it helps a great deal with my sadness over her being away from me. I have more withdrawals from her than dope right now.

Also, do you know if they will allow her to call people once she finishes detox and before she starts the 30 day rehab? She should be done with her detox tonight.

zoso77

FltoNJ...this saddens me. But that's your call.

That, I believe, depends on the facility in question.

What I encourage you to do is let her be. When she's done with the detox, she's going to be incredibly vulnerable. Allow her the opportunity to focus on herself. And then take this opportunity to take care of you. There's more at stake than your relationship, and that's her life, and your life.

I hope you check out this side of SR: Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

We're also here at FFSA to support you during this time. God bless.

NJandy

I'm sure you're going through a really horrible time, and I am genuinely sorry for you, so please don't take this the wrong way. But if your girlfriend really is that important to you, you will stop using and you will go to detox yourself (NOT the same facility as your girlfriend) and then go into an inpatient rehab facility. As long as you are not in recovery, any contact between you and your girlfriend will undermine her chances of recovery and put her at risk.

Most facilities will not let someone who is actively using come anywhere near a patient. And if a couple comes into a facility together, they will be separated.

For your girlfriend's sake I hope you stay completely away from her unless and until you both have tons of time in recovery. Respectfully you should not call her or visit or have anything to do with her. Obviously it's your choice to continue to take drugs, but I don't think it's fair to mess with her recovery by being in contact with her when you're still getting high. Respectfully if she were my daughter (or anyone I cared about) I would tell you to stay far away from her -- except I would use much more forceful and colorful language to express this idea.

Carlotta

If you love her, you will stay away from her and if she is serious about her recovery she will not contact you.
I really hope that you will check out the link Zoso posted above. Since you joined SR, you really should take this opportunity to get better yourself or if nothing else, read and see what the future holds for you as an heroin addict.

FltoNJ

Obviously I'm not trying to get her into it again. I honestly liked her because i wanted to help her out. I told her to quit a lot and she always asked me to get dope with her. Even the day she left she wanted it so bad.

If she really wanted to get clean and told me I promise I wouldve done all I could to help her, I wouldve forcefully made sure she doesnt get a hold of dope, which is probably what I'll do when she gets back.

AnvilheadII

a using bf is the WORST thing possible for anyone trying to stay clean.
you want to help her? either clean up yourself or stay the hell away from her.

Carlotta

I know you mean well and you care for her but with you actively using, if you reconnect she will either use again or you will drive her nuts.
Just run a quick search for "double winner" and see what a double joy it is for one clean/sober partner (especially in early recovery) to have one who is still at it.
The best shot you would have would be to get yourself clean and go to NA or to another recovery program and stick around SR.
If both of you are clean, you might have a chance of making it otherwise, you'll just end up dragging each other down.

Carlotta

BTW, I am not just a preachy mean old lady on the Friends and Family forum, I am also a recovering alcoholic and I can tell you from experience that using drugs (or drinking) is not a healthy way to deal with sadness and it will only backfire long term.
Using substances to self medicate our feelings is NOT the answer and only makes things worst.

Dee74

Hi FLtoNJ - welcome

The are other forums here with other guys and guys trying to get their lives back together.

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Wouldn't you being clean be the best thing for you, and your gf?

D

FltoNJ

Im trying to get clean when she comes back. I hope to get on subs/methadone for a few months to help with my psychological addiction. It is a safer and legal alternative and my parents recently found out so they would be less worried knwoing im not injecting random substances from the streets of paterson or newark into my arm.

Dee74

why not get clean before she gets back?

I know your addiction has you convinced that you need to stay high to get over her not being there...but c'mon - that's just not true.

Trust me the best thing your gf could come home to is a clean you.
The worst thing is you still using, trying to stop.

If your parents will help financially with either subs or methadone, then what's the hold up?
Go see a Dr, man

D

tomsteve

I'm gonna be a lil harsh, but that's a line of crap. If you were serious about getting clean you would do it now instead of using the excuse of her being away and lonely. Plus you say her gonna "try" to get clean.

Fito, yer worth getting yer craP together now and getting help to get clean NOW.

Soberintexas007

Sorry for your loss. I respect the fact that you came on here and honestly told us what is going on. I hear that you miss her and really want to talk to her, and it probably sucks that you cannot. I guess it is ultimately her choice if she contacts you or if she allows you to contact her (assuming the facility allows her to). I wish you all the best.

FltoNJ

well does anyone here have experience with rehabs in florida? Do those residential type rehabs allow their patients to call people often? Why hasn't she called me yet? Could there be a reason? I mean my numbers on her cell phone, which is taken away the entire time, would they let her get numbers off her phone or do they do that when they first admitted in?

Carlotta

Rehabs take cell phones away upon admission and there is a very good chance that she has only very restricted phone privileges (if only even that, some rehab enforce black outs for the first few weeks of treatment).
She probably can only call a couple of pre approved # (such as her mom).
If for some reason she has access to a phone, it would be a community pay phone and she would need quarters or a phone card to call.
Anyway, enough about her. How are you doing? Have you checked out the substance abuse forum and gave Dee's suggestion to get clean now some consideration?

Carlotta

The reason they take cell phones and other electronics away is so the patient can focus on recovery and healing without outside diversion.
I wanted to add that since she is very young, chances are that after rehab she will be going to a halfway house (sober house) maybe in Florida too.
They will also work a lot with her re the influences in her life and since you two are not married and you are in active addiction they will strongly (and wisely) encourage her to cut her ties to you in order to protect her new sobriety.

FltoNJ

But she has to go to college(shes a freshman but dropped out first semester for rehab) in January. I mean do they always go to halfway houses? I know people that did but they were a few years older and I think they left college anyways.

I don't think her mom even wants her away for that long, because she didn't even tell her mom until the day she left(I have no idea why) and her mom was pretty upset. Her mom also even told me "7 days detox 30 days rehab", she mentioned nothing about halfway houses and I don't think this girl can make a decision if the insurance and money is coming out from her mom.

Also I asked her when she was at the airport if it would take longer than a month and she said "it shouldnt". If she goes to a halfway house that'd be the end of it and idk what im gonna do but ill have to move on. But I kinda doubt she will because she mentioned nothing of it nor her mom and she only said she wanted to get clean because she was getting sick.

NJandy

I realized as soon as I hit "send" on my response to the OP that it was utterly pointless. If this person is not a troll, then he is by his own admission an actively using heroin addict. Reasoning with him is a waste of time; there will always be an excuse for why treatment should be cut short or drug use should continue.