My Recent Story
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by jjj111 
I think we have to balance on a fine line in responding to this post. Clearly this person crossed a line and became very personally invested in trying to build some kind of honest (and possibly intimate?) relationship with a homeless teenager in a short amount of time. I don't think that means that we all have to refuse to acknowledge the homeless, or that all homeless people are money-hungry users. I personally feel there's nothing wrong with giving a little cash to a clearly needy person on the street now and then, and certainly as Ann has pointed out, giving to a charity that serves the homeless is also a good option.
I did have drug abusing friends when I was a teen and this incident caused some of those awful feelings of those days to resurface. I do remember one good friend who called me a few years after I broke off our friendship, who wanted to apologize for how he had treated me and he thanked me for what I had done to try to help him.
With regards to my current situation, I wasn't told he was a runaway from foster care at first. I was told he had checked himself out of state custody, which he said he could do at age 16. There were no ulterior motives on my part. I was taking him at his word that he was living in homeless shelters and surviving day by day. I thought maybe he could use the support of someone in a positive way, yet that turned into what it turned into. And I came here because I didn't want to belief that it was drug related, but the more I think of it, the more convinced I am that it was.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
I found buying and sharing lunch directly with a homeless person, or buying them
a sack of "non-cook" food to be a much better way of helping than giving money,
which too often goes to drugs.
Sitting and sharing lunch is a way of connecting with someone who is so often treated as a non-person and not ""seen" by others passing by.
A cup of coffee or cocoa would be much appreciated by someone sitting on a freezing sidewalk.
Things like that matter.
Just a thought this holiday season.
a sack of "non-cook" food to be a much better way of helping than giving money,
which too often goes to drugs.
Sitting and sharing lunch is a way of connecting with someone who is so often treated as a non-person and not ""seen" by others passing by.
A cup of coffee or cocoa would be much appreciated by someone sitting on a freezing sidewalk.
Things like that matter.
Just a thought this holiday season.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
Honestly, Sparkytwo, I didn't really intend to defend what you did. I was trying to defend homeless people, who do need our help. But I think that it was pretty foolish of you to exchange phone numbers and expect this young kid to hang out with you and be honest with you, and then get upset when he mostly wanted money and was willing to lie to get it. The fact that you continued to call him after a few bad interactions is just kind of...creepy. And I don't know what you were describing when you said he told you he wants to "be with you," but that does sound romantic or sexual. I hope that wasn't the case, but I can see how other members would read it that way.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 6
I did take it too far. My motives were good. He presented himself as a minor in need of help and I wanted to help. We talked extensively of his needing to get things together and I referred him to several places that helps minors. He said one set of foster parents had been drug users. He could have wanted both to keep my support to get over what he was going through but needed the money until he did. He was crying out for both.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
sparky, there is plenty of help available for street kids. No way in the world would I ever get this involved with someone I met on the street. If he actually needed/wanted real help to get his life together, it is available and he could easily find it.
Be careful.
Be careful.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 109
It took me a while to figure out why I liked this post, but I think I finally figured it out.
First - you really write well and it was an intriguing story. I never understood why you were doing what you were doing and I guess I never really took it far enough in my mind to care, but it was intriguing non the less.
Second - (and I think this is the main reason) judging from other responses I have seen on this website I saw this as a potential train-wreck. I'm not sure if that qualifies me as unhealthy, weird, odd or just an onlooker wondering where this thread would go. Either way, I thought uh oh, this might get interesting...and it kinda did.
Thank you for giving me something new and interesting to read, even if that wasn't your goal, I have enjoyed it anyway.
First - you really write well and it was an intriguing story. I never understood why you were doing what you were doing and I guess I never really took it far enough in my mind to care, but it was intriguing non the less.
Second - (and I think this is the main reason) judging from other responses I have seen on this website I saw this as a potential train-wreck. I'm not sure if that qualifies me as unhealthy, weird, odd or just an onlooker wondering where this thread would go. Either way, I thought uh oh, this might get interesting...and it kinda did.
Thank you for giving me something new and interesting to read, even if that wasn't your goal, I have enjoyed it anyway.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
how far do you think it would have gone if he had said straight up, hi I'm a strung out heroin (or crack or meth) addict and I need money for a fix?? it's entirely possible he comes from a nice home with nice parents and doesn't even have an aunt. and is probably just a young looking 22 year old.
the fact that he got 300 bucks out of you tells me he is not at all who he presented himself as....only what YOU wanted to believe so you'd open your wallet. which you seem to take pride in doing as you have referred to your financial position no less than three times in three posts. if you wanna be a sucker for a sob story, that's your business......but that level of "philanthropy" can get you in a lot of trouble too. surely there are other safer ways to "help" those in need that give you assurance than your money is going where you hope it will............
the fact that he got 300 bucks out of you tells me he is not at all who he presented himself as....only what YOU wanted to believe so you'd open your wallet. which you seem to take pride in doing as you have referred to your financial position no less than three times in three posts. if you wanna be a sucker for a sob story, that's your business......but that level of "philanthropy" can get you in a lot of trouble too. surely there are other safer ways to "help" those in need that give you assurance than your money is going where you hope it will............
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: WI
Posts: 240
I'm sorry Sparky but what bothers me the most is the sudden and what appears to be the very strong attachment to this person you say you met "recently". That bothers me more than the money you gave. Why? Well, quite frankly that tells us there's something going on with you, not with the kid who is transparent as glass. The kid for me is a side thought. How long ago did you first meet this person? It just sounds unhealthy. It's not even really an act of kindness that attached you to this person, it's some kind of need or dependency in you, something in yourself that I think you should examine. Can you clarify this some more? If your looking for some kind of assistance here, I'm not really sure what but now that you took it this far, personally I see something in what you did for this person that says you need some boundaries with strangers and figuring out why you'd invite this into your life.
Dee
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