Maui78

All of you on this board. And the fact that I finally found my strength to ask my Agf to leave. Itwas the hardest thing ever. And of course she iimmediately went MIA for a week. That forced me to deal with MY biggest fear (and one of the reasons I stayed so long) of being alone. And though I was the one who asked her to leave, the disappearance triggered my abandonment issues. It was a hellish week. She finally contacted me in the middle of the night Monday and told me how miserable and homesick she was. And I told her she knows what she has to do to stop being miserable. We got together that evening. And she was the most honest she's been with me in over two years. When she said I'm sorry, I actually believed it. She was humble and said she was proud of me for taking a stand. She finally knows I'm serious about not being together if she isn't clean. Says she still plans to get into treatment. We shall see. I'm still hopeful but not putting all of myself into that hope. I know I will be ok whether she gets clean or not. It's going to be hard for a long time. But I feel a little lighter. I'm not angry every second, wondering when she is coming home, what liecshe will tell me next. I know I will miss her Sober self like crazy if she chooses not to get clean. But I can't put my life on hold waiting for that anymore.

To all of the newcomers or those who haven't been able to walk away yet: don't beat yourselfup if you aaren't ready. You will decide when you have had enough. It took me two years. It's a bitch, it hurts like hell, and will feel like you are dying sometimes. but you realize that you aren't. That you are worth it. The pain of slowly recovering from co-dependency may not have the physical pain of withdrawing from drugs, but I imagine it almost mirrors the emotional of getting clean. You realize that it all will be good in the end. And if it's not good, it's not the end yet. Sending you all my thanks for your wise words and unflinching support. We are all treasures, and our lives need to be treated as such. Happy Thanksgiving.

Ann

You did a wise and couragous thing, TP, and setting your boundary protects you and lets her see you are serious.

I hope she finds a better path soon.

Hugs

sparrow15

Thank you for sharing that tangerinepuddle. So glad you have made it so far! Still working on getting there.

Impurrfect

Happy Thanksgiving tangerinepuddle. I'm glad to see that you are focusing on you, and she is talking about moving in the right direction.

I hope she does, for herself. Not saying you aren't important, but I think the more you both work on your selves, the better each of your lives will be, together or not.

Very proud of you

Hugs and prayers,

Amy