Just like last year
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
Just like last year
Last year AH relapsed on heroin the day before Thanksgiving. It was brutal. Back to AA, millions of promises, I will go do this and that, it will get better, give me another chance. I should have stayed strong, I knew inside my heart that he wasn't going to change. Why change? He has a home, a car, health insurance, suboxone, job, front and cushion that I provide him with, dinner on the table and a warm bed. In a meanwhile, he is ALWAYS sick. This hurts and that hurts. Relapsed in between. I went back and forth in agony - please, someone help me, what do I do?
Fastforward a year. Yesterday he comes home f-p. Fairy tail story about how he just had one extra xanax and a energy drink or two and blah and blah and blah and blah. Today is snowing and raining and tomorrow is Thanksgiving. My kids are super excited. My oldest daughter got all A's and got her eye on a technology high school in my district, one of the best in the country. I am so incredibly proud and happy. I am supposed to go to the office and he supposed to drive the kids. I have a little voice inside telling me not too. It always does. He relapsed today just like last year, going all out, abandoning us for a bag of done. Thanksgiving is in chit, everything in ruins again. Here is is for the 100th time.
To all of you that made it to the other side - stay strong ladies, look what happens when you KNOW what you have to do and are too scared or weak to do it? I was so concerned about ruining my kids Holidays last year and why? This year they are OLDER and they KNOW. Here I am, alone again in this empty world that is HIS addiction.
Don't second guess yourselves. There is NOTHING worse then this. NOTHING.
Fastforward a year. Yesterday he comes home f-p. Fairy tail story about how he just had one extra xanax and a energy drink or two and blah and blah and blah and blah. Today is snowing and raining and tomorrow is Thanksgiving. My kids are super excited. My oldest daughter got all A's and got her eye on a technology high school in my district, one of the best in the country. I am so incredibly proud and happy. I am supposed to go to the office and he supposed to drive the kids. I have a little voice inside telling me not too. It always does. He relapsed today just like last year, going all out, abandoning us for a bag of done. Thanksgiving is in chit, everything in ruins again. Here is is for the 100th time.
To all of you that made it to the other side - stay strong ladies, look what happens when you KNOW what you have to do and are too scared or weak to do it? I was so concerned about ruining my kids Holidays last year and why? This year they are OLDER and they KNOW. Here I am, alone again in this empty world that is HIS addiction.
Don't second guess yourselves. There is NOTHING worse then this. NOTHING.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Hey...
That's wonderful news about your daughter. As an engineer, I recognize that we're going to need kids to pursue careers in the hard sciences. Math is key.
As for your AH, I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. But I also hope you arrive at a place that you know what needs to be done. I suspect you know what that is. But the time to pull that trigger will be at a time when you're ready to do it.
Be safe, and Happy Thanksgiving.
That's wonderful news about your daughter. As an engineer, I recognize that we're going to need kids to pursue careers in the hard sciences. Math is key.
As for your AH, I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. But I also hope you arrive at a place that you know what needs to be done. I suspect you know what that is. But the time to pull that trigger will be at a time when you're ready to do it.
Be safe, and Happy Thanksgiving.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am so sorry GD. I can only say that I usto dread all holidays like the plague. It was rinse and repeat, every year. Now that I am out of that chaos, I have built some wonderful new memories this year.
Don't let his actions ruin the time you have with your children and all that is going on ruin these times for you. Life is much too short!
Tight Hugs my friend. XXX
Don't let his actions ruin the time you have with your children and all that is going on ruin these times for you. Life is much too short!
Tight Hugs my friend. XXX
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I suppose it would be trite to suggest to throw the TURKEY out?
sorry, I know this is painful. by his actions are his intentions and priorities made clear. but that does NOT mean that YOUR life is in ruins, simply that there is a problem that must be dealt with head on. one way or another.
what wonderful news about your daughter. doing so well in spite of the other stuff. I pray you find your way forward to the best life possible!!!
sorry, I know this is painful. by his actions are his intentions and priorities made clear. but that does NOT mean that YOUR life is in ruins, simply that there is a problem that must be dealt with head on. one way or another.
what wonderful news about your daughter. doing so well in spite of the other stuff. I pray you find your way forward to the best life possible!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear GD,
I suppose it wouldn't help to tell you that I'm spending another holiday alone, with my
recovering children and one child who knows what is really going on. All this sadness,
disappointment and broken promises are directly related to addiction.
I'm so sorry this is hurting you. If it helps, I will be thinking of you and your family
while I prepare a large Thanksgiving dinner, minus my husband. That emptiness feeling
is all over my memories...
I am happy to hear about the excellent grades your DD earned, that made me smile! And
I'm sure it's making you dance happily around the kitchen!!
Lets all be thankful for what we DO have...our children, food to eat, a warm bed to sleep
in, our health and the hope and wisdom to know what needs to be done.
Happy Thanksgiving GD and God Bless all the innocent people who have be hurt by addictions wrath.
TF
I suppose it wouldn't help to tell you that I'm spending another holiday alone, with my
recovering children and one child who knows what is really going on. All this sadness,
disappointment and broken promises are directly related to addiction.
I'm so sorry this is hurting you. If it helps, I will be thinking of you and your family
while I prepare a large Thanksgiving dinner, minus my husband. That emptiness feeling
is all over my memories...
I am happy to hear about the excellent grades your DD earned, that made me smile! And
I'm sure it's making you dance happily around the kitchen!!
Lets all be thankful for what we DO have...our children, food to eat, a warm bed to sleep
in, our health and the hope and wisdom to know what needs to be done.
Happy Thanksgiving GD and God Bless all the innocent people who have be hurt by addictions wrath.
TF
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
My oldest daughter got all A's and got her eye on a technology high school in my district, one of the best in the country.
That's awesome. Good for her. That's a lot of hard work.
I am supposed to go to the office and he supposed to drive the kids. I have a little voice inside telling me not too.
Listen to that voice. If you can't drive them, do you have someone who can? Your AH is clearly not reliable right now. So sorry.
May I gently suggest that just because he made a poor choice doesn't mean an entire holiday has to be ruined. You have lots of options here. What do you want to do?
That's awesome. Good for her. That's a lot of hard work.I am supposed to go to the office and he supposed to drive the kids. I have a little voice inside telling me not too.
Listen to that voice. If you can't drive them, do you have someone who can? Your AH is clearly not reliable right now. So sorry.
May I gently suggest that just because he made a poor choice doesn't mean an entire holiday has to be ruined. You have lots of options here. What do you want to do?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
Thank you for such kind words, everyone. Yes, I should be greatful for the things I DO have. My children are wonderful and I still have a chance for them to have a beautiful life. I am just - I feel I am frozen. If he doesn't die tonight (and with amount of drugs he is injecting, he just might), he will be under the door wining that he has nowhere to go. And I have to call police and ask them to remove him. And the kids will see it all.
I dont have a turkey, guys
We were supposed to go to his family. I won't be going. His enabler mother called me today and said that MAYBE if I went to the office and left the kids with him, then maybe he would have not relapsed. Hello.
I can drive the kids, its just I relaxed, you know, I relaxed and imagine for a second that I can relay on him and he can be a father to my kids. He can drive them and be dependable. I am going through an interview process too now, for a big job, doing more, making more and staying in the office more. In May I was offered a job in federal goverment with very nice salary, benefits and all that. Dream job. I declined because I knew that I cannot depend on him. I am in the same boat again. Only this time, if they offer it to me, I will take it and find a sitter. Because I can't let him hold me back. Right?
I feel like a complete loser and a horrible mom. For staying with a guy who traded his family during the Holidays for a bag of dope.
I dont have a turkey, guys
We were supposed to go to his family. I won't be going. His enabler mother called me today and said that MAYBE if I went to the office and left the kids with him, then maybe he would have not relapsed. Hello.I can drive the kids, its just I relaxed, you know, I relaxed and imagine for a second that I can relay on him and he can be a father to my kids. He can drive them and be dependable. I am going through an interview process too now, for a big job, doing more, making more and staying in the office more. In May I was offered a job in federal goverment with very nice salary, benefits and all that. Dream job. I declined because I knew that I cannot depend on him. I am in the same boat again. Only this time, if they offer it to me, I will take it and find a sitter. Because I can't let him hold me back. Right?
I feel like a complete loser and a horrible mom. For staying with a guy who traded his family during the Holidays for a bag of dope.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
You're NOT a complete loser and a horrible Mom.
THAT is a bunch of CRAP!
This miserable crap does the same damn thing to everything/everyone it touches.
His responsibility for this:100%
Your responsibility for this:0%
THAT is a bunch of CRAP!
This miserable crap does the same damn thing to everything/everyone it touches.
His responsibility for this:100%
Your responsibility for this:0%
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: WI
Posts: 240
Obviously you AREN'T a loser or a horrible mom. It sounds to me whether you see it or not, that your in the process of forming a plan at one of the most trying times in your life. A "loser" or someone who is "weak" wouldn't bother at all. You have some successes here to celebrate. Your daughter's and your own. You played a big part in both if you put some thought into it. " Weak and scared" people don't pull that kind of stuff off so I guess you only feel scared and weak, two thoughts that you can change about yourself now. Reread your post and pick out your successes and give yourself a pat on the back.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 230
Originally Posted by waitingforhope 
Obviously you AREN'T a loser or a horrible mom. It sounds to me whether you see it or not, that your in the process of forming a plan at one of the most trying times in your life. A "loser" or someone who is "weak" wouldn't bother at all. You have some successes here to celebrate. Your daughter's and your own. You played a big part in both if you put some thought into it. " Weak and scared" people don't pull that kind of stuff off so I guess you only feel scared and weak, two thoughts that you can change about yourself now. Reread your post and pick out your successes and give yourself a pat on the back.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
We don't have a turkey either. We're getting Chinese takeout and helping my mom dig out her Christmas decorations. Maybe you can start a new tradition with your kids this year, something fun and special just for you guys. Make a lovely new memory. Lots of churches and community centers do a community meal today, maybe you guys could go to one of those. Also I'm pretty sure Mickey D's is open. You could have BigMacsgiving. All of the calories and none of the cleanup.
His mom sounds like my ex's mom used to, total head in the sand denial of reality or any basic knowledge of addiction. Yes, give an addict MORE responsibility, that will ensure he doesn't use. My ex's mom thought that our son being born would make my ex "grow up and get sober." Guess how that worked out?
His mom sounds like my ex's mom used to, total head in the sand denial of reality or any basic knowledge of addiction. Yes, give an addict MORE responsibility, that will ensure he doesn't use. My ex's mom thought that our son being born would make my ex "grow up and get sober." Guess how that worked out?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 65
You aren't a loser. You will leave when you are ready. Take a deep breath and keep living your life. Know that you are worth it as are your children. It's not going to get easier but it does get better. When you are ready for it. Peace.
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