Devastated! AS left rehab after 2 months
 

My 27yr old AS left the rehab, where I was also working. I knew he was getting 'itchy' and slippery, but he was sticking it out. He decided to get a phone, against the rules, and could have stuck it out a little more with that, but got found out today, the same day he got the phone! Many issues here, with my working there, holding the line, etc.....Despite all the reasons behind everything, and whether or not I agree with all the rehab did....bottom line is, he is responsible for his actions. He refused to give back phone and had a fit and yelled at the case mgrs. ( Also a ploy he had been threatening to do to get kicked out.) He was told to pack out, but I was also told he left. Tried to encourage him to come back and work it out...give up phone...but he wouldn't. After peeping his FB page, turns out he was planning to go any day...he had even told me himself. I was hoping he'd wait long enough to get into a diff. program, cuz he hated this one...but bottom line....despite all...he made the choice . I have tried all night to encourage him to reconsider and work with them to go back and at least talk and get referrals...but he refuses. He can't come home....already caused me a near eviction and I had to move from last place. I will help him if he will go to sober living or other program...otherwise he will have to figure it out on his own it's getting colder at night...don't think he used H yet, his usual choice....but went to stay with a friend tonight who has serious drug probs esp with pills.

I'm mad, sad, and a little relieved on some level that he won't be bugging me all the time about how bad it was there, but very, very sad that I won't see him everyday anymore, especially sober. While it was trying since I work in the rehab, I did get the joy of seeing him normal, smiling more, sober...every day Iwas there and the peace of knowing he was okay and safe....Now that is gone....and it is the hardest part. I am so, so sad and crying. I can't andwon't help him as much as I did when he was homeless before he went in, driving him places, spending time with him because he was afraid to be on the street at night, watching him lose everything, from his wallet, skateboard, phone, & more and constant problems. I'll consider helping with the phone, since it is a lifeline for me, but no late night rescues, regular meals and such. I will carry some clothes in the car and meet him from time to time, but not constantly like before, to the point I had no free time and never knew when the next crisis or arrest was.

he hit a bottom before, but is still in denial. He knows he can't come to my house, and I believe he doesn't know where I live. (Never told him after move, but he may have glimpsed it on change of address sticker on his mail.)

It was so much easier to sleep at night when he was in the program. Now I will have to let go and let God and pray, a lot! SH*T! Just when it was getting better!

I know this is truly a disease and I was so hoping he was on the road to recovery. he had 2 months clean and sober, but was getting so restless and couldn't stick it out. I hate this disease and all it brings!

Need help, support, hugs, and help sticking to my boundaries and detaching.:cries3:

Vaya, I am sorry to hear that your son isn't ready to commit to sobriety yet. It took me a long time to be ready to quit, and until I got to that time & place nothing and no one would have been capable of getting me sober.

There is an expression in recovery that is hard to accept, but I believe that it is true: pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Suffering is what happens when we try to play god with the things we cannot change. Your instincts and responses here are totally natural and normal, but that doesn't make them effective or healthy. Give yourself the time and space to let yourself heal - this is his journey and you have yours. It is easy to get lost in the noise of someone else's issues and totally miss the things we need to do for our own sanity.

Good luck. You and your son are in my prayers.

Thank you so much for your support and kind words. Your are so right. Now the hard work begins again for me to work on me and not obsess on what he's doing, while neglecting my own life and sanity.