Do they have futures?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Red Bank
Posts: 78
Do they have futures?
My heart breaks when I read all these stories. Our children arrrested, homeless, going to rehab after rehab. I am feeling depressed today because I am thinking of their futures even if they manage to become sober. My son (who is presently on methadone) has a felony on his record and owes a bunch of money which he is repaying. He doesn't have a car. How are these people supposed to get good jobs so they can support themselves and have "normal" lives when they have felonies on their records and long periods of unemployment. Sorry if this is off topic but it is on my mind today.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
I have had the same worry. How do they did out of the hole they caused? What I have seen is they do....once they are sick of their addict life. Some get a break, a helping hand, a step up. It is much work and seems impossible but God blesses them when they are on the right path.
I have 3 loved ones on their own journey of recovery.
I have 3 loved ones on their own journey of recovery.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by pommie 
My heart breaks when I read all these stories. Our children arrrested, homeless, going to rehab after rehab. I am feeling depressed today because I am thinking of their futures even if they manage to become sober. My son (who is presently on methadone) has a felony on his record and owes a bunch of money which he is repaying. He doesn't have a car. How are these people supposed to get good jobs so they can support themselves and have "normal" lives when they have felonies on their records and long periods of unemployment. Sorry if this is off topic but it is on my mind today.
I think a better question is do we have a future as the loved one of an addict. And that's an unequivocal yes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
Yes...I have seen that they do too...and it just seems like they do get breaks (have been working on myself in alanon and also rehabs to support addict children for almost 20 years)--and I have 2 DD's on their journey to recovery...and each very different...as well as praying for one in active addiction.
I am trying not to get caught up in all the 'what if's' etc. and just pray and work my program and I also am involved with two Parents of Addicts' sites (mostly moms) and just doing my best with my own life.
The worries take me down...as do so many other things...and I am trying to just keep my mind and heart open and to do what God has for me to do (or not do what God has for me not to do) and also to pray for guidance, clarity and help for my own life.
I am trying not to get caught up in all the 'what if's' etc. and just pray and work my program and I also am involved with two Parents of Addicts' sites (mostly moms) and just doing my best with my own life.
The worries take me down...as do so many other things...and I am trying to just keep my mind and heart open and to do what God has for me to do (or not do what God has for me not to do) and also to pray for guidance, clarity and help for my own life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I've met people in recovery who are doing better than I am. I am a veteran with a college degree and no police record. Right now I am working as a janitor/housekeeper.
There's a recovering crystal meth addict (over 20 years sobriety) in one of my Alanon meetings who is highly successful- 6 figure income, several patents to his name, sponsors others as part of his AA 12th step, etc, he goes on about his success at meetings. Not bragging, I don't think, but trying to convince others he is worthy- which explains why he is in Alanon.
It really depends on the individual.
There's a recovering crystal meth addict (over 20 years sobriety) in one of my Alanon meetings who is highly successful- 6 figure income, several patents to his name, sponsors others as part of his AA 12th step, etc, he goes on about his success at meetings. Not bragging, I don't think, but trying to convince others he is worthy- which explains why he is in Alanon.
It really depends on the individual.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: WI
Posts: 240
I was wondering the same thing. My AH went from a 6 figure income also to min. wage now. It kills him inside I know. I think this issue among others maybe lead him to seek numbing his depression when he lost his job and couldn't provide the same lifestyle. He put a lot of pressure on himself. We lost everything. But I hope someday he sees that he's smart and capable and I min.wage job is fine when you like it. We got by.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
There are many members here who are living proof that many do find good productive happy lives once they get sober/clean. In many cases they work hard to do that, maybe harder than those to whom it comes easy.
One of our double winners, Impurrfect, has worked two jobs at a time, taken hard work and menial work, been robbed at work and took more courses...and today has a job she loves and is very happy with her life...and she can pay her own way. She is only one example, but it's people like her who inspire me and who is a beacon of light to those who follow her in recovery.
It's all about "willingness" to do what you need to do to get where you want to be. Anyone can do it, not all are willing.
Hugs
One of our double winners, Impurrfect, has worked two jobs at a time, taken hard work and menial work, been robbed at work and took more courses...and today has a job she loves and is very happy with her life...and she can pay her own way. She is only one example, but it's people like her who inspire me and who is a beacon of light to those who follow her in recovery.
It's all about "willingness" to do what you need to do to get where you want to be. Anyone can do it, not all are willing.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
A huge thanks to Ann for saying what I just couldn't figure out to say, though I really wanted to.
I've been homeless, I've sold my body for drugs but I did manage to get a first offender status, meet my obligations and not get a felony.
In recovery, I have been robbed twice, at gunpoint while doing my job. The second time, I found out the robbers left my an my coworkers, only to kill adults, a child, and a dog.
I went through major stress and PTSD. My doctor, who I had been honest with, helped me out.
I have been through so much, in recovery, but I realize it all makes me stronger.
I was a street walking crack addict what got beaten and almost killed. I am NOT that person any more, thanks to the people here and in my real life.
Can we move pat our indiscretions? Yes, we can. We just have to want it more than anything else, and put one right foot in front of the other.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I've been homeless, I've sold my body for drugs but I did manage to get a first offender status, meet my obligations and not get a felony.
In recovery, I have been robbed twice, at gunpoint while doing my job. The second time, I found out the robbers left my an my coworkers, only to kill adults, a child, and a dog.
I went through major stress and PTSD. My doctor, who I had been honest with, helped me out.
I have been through so much, in recovery, but I realize it all makes me stronger.
I was a street walking crack addict what got beaten and almost killed. I am NOT that person any more, thanks to the people here and in my real life.
Can we move pat our indiscretions? Yes, we can. We just have to want it more than anything else, and put one right foot in front of the other.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Listen to Amy.
If ANYBODY in your life tries to DEFINE what you CAN or CANNOT
do (based on a past you cannot change).............
----tell them to go F&*K themselves.
Realistically, if you want to be a cop or a missile combat officer---
felonies are problematic. I wouldn't be particularly drawn to either line
of work.
What there is, is a WORLDWIDE NEVER ENDING SHORTAGE OF TALENT.
People who can conceive, plan, prepare, execute, and evaluate competently.
.........Or you can puss out and use whatever excuse is convenient.
A couple of felonies works just fine in that regard.
People who play "gotcha" with people with regard to their pasts----
are pussies. Do you know what I feel when someone like Amy comes right
out and says "This is who I am today, and THIS was what I have survived"?
Awe. And a little fear. A little mental note that this is not someone to be
trifled with, f&*ked with, or not taken seriously.
Vale has been around, folks----and has climbed higher that most can imagine.
You 'wanna piece of free advice that will take you far?
Never, EVER bet against the human spirit.
(unless being made a fool of is something you enjoy)
If ANYBODY in your life tries to DEFINE what you CAN or CANNOT
do (based on a past you cannot change).............
----tell them to go F&*K themselves.
Realistically, if you want to be a cop or a missile combat officer---
felonies are problematic. I wouldn't be particularly drawn to either line
of work.
What there is, is a WORLDWIDE NEVER ENDING SHORTAGE OF TALENT.
People who can conceive, plan, prepare, execute, and evaluate competently.
.........Or you can puss out and use whatever excuse is convenient.
A couple of felonies works just fine in that regard.
People who play "gotcha" with people with regard to their pasts----
are pussies. Do you know what I feel when someone like Amy comes right
out and says "This is who I am today, and THIS was what I have survived"?
Awe. And a little fear. A little mental note that this is not someone to be
trifled with, f&*ked with, or not taken seriously.
Vale has been around, folks----and has climbed higher that most can imagine.
You 'wanna piece of free advice that will take you far?
Never, EVER bet against the human spirit.
(unless being made a fool of is something you enjoy)
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I posted this on another thread this morning but it struck me that it would be appropriate to post it here. I love Dr. Wayne Dwyer and he says it much better than I ever could.
~ Staying on the Path ~
Your circumstances do not determine
what your life will be;
they reveal what kinds of images you
have chosen up until now.
To change yourself,
look at what you fear
and what you hate.
Start There.
We are all at once teachers and learners
in every encounter of our lives.
What's over is over.
You did what you knew how to do.
It wasn't right or wrong or good or bad.
It just was. But all you've got is today.
You can't have it back.
You're always alone,
but you're only lonely if you don't like
the person you're alone with.
Your love is located within you.
It is yours to nurture and savor.
It is yours to give in any way you choose.
This is true for others as well.
If someone you love fails to return
the love the way you would like it returned,
that is the other person's choice.
It doesn't at all detract from your love.
Whatever is going on inside of you
is up to you. You own it all.
It's yours.
Get your nose out of everybody else's garden.
Get your own in order, and stop focusing on
everybody else's. Grow what you want to grow
in your garden.
All that you need
in order to have total happiness,
fulfilllment, and love in your life
you already have right now,
whoever you are, wherever you are.
Everything I ever worried about
turned out exactly as it was going to
despite my worry moments
to the contrary.
You mustn't attempt to will anything.
You need only be willing.
There is a rhythm to the universe.
When we are able to get quiet enough,
we experience how we are a part of that
perfect rhythm.
Advance confidently in the direction
of your dreams to live the life that
you have imagined.
That's when you have success.
Each of us has a well of infinite depth
within us, which contains more potential
for creativity than we can
ever imagine.
No one can depress you.
No one can make you anxious. No one
can hurt your feelings. No one can make
you anything other than what
you allow inside.
With everything
that has happened to you,
you can either feel sorry for yourself,
or treat what has happened as a gift.
Everything is either an opportunity to grow
or an obstacle to keep you from growing.
You get to choose.
When you argue for your limitations,
all you get are your
limitations.
Live...Be you...Enjoy...Love.
Dr. Wayne Dyer
Staying on the Path
~ Staying on the Path ~
Your circumstances do not determine
what your life will be;
they reveal what kinds of images you
have chosen up until now.
To change yourself,
look at what you fear
and what you hate.
Start There.
We are all at once teachers and learners
in every encounter of our lives.
What's over is over.
You did what you knew how to do.
It wasn't right or wrong or good or bad.
It just was. But all you've got is today.
You can't have it back.
You're always alone,
but you're only lonely if you don't like
the person you're alone with.
Your love is located within you.
It is yours to nurture and savor.
It is yours to give in any way you choose.
This is true for others as well.
If someone you love fails to return
the love the way you would like it returned,
that is the other person's choice.
It doesn't at all detract from your love.
Whatever is going on inside of you
is up to you. You own it all.
It's yours.
Get your nose out of everybody else's garden.
Get your own in order, and stop focusing on
everybody else's. Grow what you want to grow
in your garden.
All that you need
in order to have total happiness,
fulfilllment, and love in your life
you already have right now,
whoever you are, wherever you are.
Everything I ever worried about
turned out exactly as it was going to
despite my worry moments
to the contrary.
You mustn't attempt to will anything.
You need only be willing.
There is a rhythm to the universe.
When we are able to get quiet enough,
we experience how we are a part of that
perfect rhythm.
Advance confidently in the direction
of your dreams to live the life that
you have imagined.
That's when you have success.
Each of us has a well of infinite depth
within us, which contains more potential
for creativity than we can
ever imagine.
No one can depress you.
No one can make you anxious. No one
can hurt your feelings. No one can make
you anything other than what
you allow inside.
With everything
that has happened to you,
you can either feel sorry for yourself,
or treat what has happened as a gift.
Everything is either an opportunity to grow
or an obstacle to keep you from growing.
You get to choose.
When you argue for your limitations,
all you get are your
limitations.
Live...Be you...Enjoy...Love.
Dr. Wayne Dyer
Staying on the Path
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
WOW Ann! Thank you for sharing that!
Also, Dear Amy...what you have been through and gotten yourself out of and above
are a credit to your will, hope and determination that YOU are worth it!
When one of my RAD got sober, this is after jail, homelessness, hunger, doing
things that were not pretty, suicide attempts, being judged, loneliness of inpt psych wards then IOP and the meetings on and on and on.
She isolated herself for a while...then she got a job (minimum wage) found a sober friend, took care of herself, did volunteer work and went on a blind date...
seems innocent enough right? Well, she feel in LOVE
He's a great young man and seems to really like my daughter. She had HOPE and knew she was worth it, and once sober she found love. Better than what the other choice was!
She still works at that minimum wage job, does Habitat for Humanity vol. work, is more
positive and she has some emotions, she's happy!
Money or a 6 figure job, or a college education can't guarantee you this.
She earned it, God saw that she was a hard worker, and found love for her.
It happened on a smaller scale than Amy's, but it did happen.
Keep your sweet hope for yourself and the ones you love close!
TF
Also, Dear Amy...what you have been through and gotten yourself out of and above
are a credit to your will, hope and determination that YOU are worth it!
When one of my RAD got sober, this is after jail, homelessness, hunger, doing
things that were not pretty, suicide attempts, being judged, loneliness of inpt psych wards then IOP and the meetings on and on and on.
She isolated herself for a while...then she got a job (minimum wage) found a sober friend, took care of herself, did volunteer work and went on a blind date...
seems innocent enough right? Well, she feel in LOVE
He's a great young man and seems to really like my daughter. She had HOPE and knew she was worth it, and once sober she found love. Better than what the other choice was!
She still works at that minimum wage job, does Habitat for Humanity vol. work, is more
positive and she has some emotions, she's happy!
Money or a 6 figure job, or a college education can't guarantee you this.
She earned it, God saw that she was a hard worker, and found love for her.
It happened on a smaller scale than Amy's, but it did happen.
Keep your sweet hope for yourself and the ones you love close!
TF
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
i ended up going to prison 4 times in my life, all thanks to booze, i ended up with over 26 convictions from drunk and disorderly to drink driving, breach of the peace and fighting etc
i had at one time had my own small business with over 100k in the bank i had 5 kids with a wife and a home
i lost it all of course and my 2 little ones ended up in social services care
i had no mum or dad to pick me up anymore as they were dead, i had no one but myself and i went down and down till i had no money left, no self respect left a criminal record as long as my arm, and i have never done anything wrong sober to ever warrent police action or couts etc and i have been a dam good partent as well as i love my kids
yet such is the power of the booze on me that once it got a hold of me it just didnt let me go until i couldnt do it anymore
that was all 10 years ago
today i work i drive trucks, i have been a single parent dad for the last nine years once i got sober i was able to have the return of my kids and its been me and them ever since
i have had to struggle on hand outs until i finaly got a job so then i had to work and run a home on my own which is hard but not impossible
2 years ago sadly my son who was 16 got stomach cancer and died from it, i had to finishe work and care for him going from good money to a mere pittance to live on but the money didnt matter as i had to be with my son 24 / 7
when he died its tore my whole world apart yet i had to get back to doing some kind of work for my other kids
so anyone can turn there lives around and cope with all sorts of bad things in life because we have to
there was no soft options for me anywhere so its a case of i had to do get on with things
today i am still smashed up over my son i wish he could still be here everyday there is so much i will never have got to do with him
but i have to face it i dont think i will ever except it but i dont have any medical pills to make me happy, i dont have any other help other than my aa and some very great friend i have there
so the point is we can get back to life dispite it all
my motto is to keep on plodding on
i had at one time had my own small business with over 100k in the bank i had 5 kids with a wife and a home
i lost it all of course and my 2 little ones ended up in social services care
i had no mum or dad to pick me up anymore as they were dead, i had no one but myself and i went down and down till i had no money left, no self respect left a criminal record as long as my arm, and i have never done anything wrong sober to ever warrent police action or couts etc and i have been a dam good partent as well as i love my kids
yet such is the power of the booze on me that once it got a hold of me it just didnt let me go until i couldnt do it anymore
that was all 10 years ago
today i work i drive trucks, i have been a single parent dad for the last nine years once i got sober i was able to have the return of my kids and its been me and them ever since
i have had to struggle on hand outs until i finaly got a job so then i had to work and run a home on my own which is hard but not impossible
2 years ago sadly my son who was 16 got stomach cancer and died from it, i had to finishe work and care for him going from good money to a mere pittance to live on but the money didnt matter as i had to be with my son 24 / 7
when he died its tore my whole world apart yet i had to get back to doing some kind of work for my other kids
so anyone can turn there lives around and cope with all sorts of bad things in life because we have to
there was no soft options for me anywhere so its a case of i had to do get on with things
today i am still smashed up over my son i wish he could still be here everyday there is so much i will never have got to do with him
but i have to face it i dont think i will ever except it but i dont have any medical pills to make me happy, i dont have any other help other than my aa and some very great friend i have there
so the point is we can get back to life dispite it all
my motto is to keep on plodding on
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Pommie, it is possible and probable that the A's in our life can turn things around. My son has two felonies and has been in and out of rehab three times. This last round he chose it himself, not court ordered. While in his program, he met a beautiful lady who works 12 hours a day taking care of old, sick people. They are in love and living in a beautiful shared home. My son just financed a car (!!!) and is working in construction. Is it the perfect life I always hoped for? Nope, but he is in love and learning how to navigate his life and find happiness.
Also, he will be eligible to plea his felonies to misdemeanors and even get them expunged by his 25th birthday!
God has His hand on our loved ones.
Also, he will be eligible to plea his felonies to misdemeanors and even get them expunged by his 25th birthday!
God has His hand on our loved ones.
Broken Heart of Gold
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 87
OMG Amy & Pete - I just joined today to find the hope that I feel I am losing. Thanks so much for sharing your stories. Although I feel bad you had to go through horrible events after committing to sobriety, I am so happy to hear you made it through without a relapse and have discovered new lives.
The power of the human spirit is indeed amazing. Thanks again, today especially I needed to hear something positive.
The power of the human spirit is indeed amazing. Thanks again, today especially I needed to hear something positive.
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