My Nightmare
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Central---Pa
Posts: 27
My Nightmare
My now AXBF has spiraled so far downhill, I don't know how he'll come back. He stole from my son when he was here picking up his things...my sons video games (sadly)are his prizesd possesion and he took them without a.second thoughtand pawned them. I managed to locate them and bought them back...at which point my parents told me they wanted me to press charges.
When my son and I came home, he was here....he'd managed to pop the lock and he was waiting for us. He refused to leave until I signed something saying I wouldn't press charges...I begged and begged and finally caved in and signed it. At which point, he decided he changed his mind and wasn't going to go.anywhere. Long story short we ended up at the police station....me balling my eyes out, a shaking mess and my son confused and scared..they made him leave...escorted me home. Not much later, the vops knocked on my door to let me know he was arrested for violating his probation (he was high) and that when arrested he had very personal belongings of mine. They explained how obsessed he seemed with me and how I needed to be careful.
Hes now got a no contact order through his probation officer...im not sure if he knows yet or not because hes tried calling numerous times from jail.
The worst part of all of this for me....after all that..I still sit here worried for him, scared for him, missing him, loving him....wishing he could be here. I know he cant be...I know its dangerous...this is all so hard
When my son and I came home, he was here....he'd managed to pop the lock and he was waiting for us. He refused to leave until I signed something saying I wouldn't press charges...I begged and begged and finally caved in and signed it. At which point, he decided he changed his mind and wasn't going to go.anywhere. Long story short we ended up at the police station....me balling my eyes out, a shaking mess and my son confused and scared..they made him leave...escorted me home. Not much later, the vops knocked on my door to let me know he was arrested for violating his probation (he was high) and that when arrested he had very personal belongings of mine. They explained how obsessed he seemed with me and how I needed to be careful.
Hes now got a no contact order through his probation officer...im not sure if he knows yet or not because hes tried calling numerous times from jail.
The worst part of all of this for me....after all that..I still sit here worried for him, scared for him, missing him, loving him....wishing he could be here. I know he cant be...I know its dangerous...this is all so hard
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Get a good lawyer if you can. Some BS piece of paper he coerced you to sign will be meaningless. Also like the officer said, take care of yourself. If you have the resources, I would move, change phone numbers, email addresses, and tell no one except your parents where you are.
Also, tell his PO that he is calling from jail. This is another charge and this keep him locked up longer.
Also, tell his PO that he is calling from jail. This is another charge and this keep him locked up longer.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 309
I don't know anything about that. My AH is on Meth. But it is the same crap over and over. Broken promises, being treated like scum, he is not remorseful at all, everything is my fault or the marriage itself sucks. Anything hurtful that can be said has been by both of us. I miss him, but not the guy he is right now. It is hard, but stay strong if you can.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Your in an emotional tornado right now. So many different emotions running quickly it's hard to process any single one.
Safety for you and your son is priority. Keep in mind that he's going to be nice and sweet after he's had a fix and nasty and angry when he's not. Desperate addicts are dangerous and great manipulators, don't forget that.
He's already stolen from you, baggered you into signing some dumb piece of paper not to press charges against him, which by the way wouldn't hold up in court anyway so you need to really but up your guard, keep your son safe.
Focus on your sons well being, how's this affecting him? His emotional state? What he went through is traumatic and scary, embarrassing to be at a police station so make him your top priority especially in your thoughts.
Addicts are very resilient, jail would be the safest place for him and counseling for you snd your son the safest place for the two of you.
Safety for you and your son is priority. Keep in mind that he's going to be nice and sweet after he's had a fix and nasty and angry when he's not. Desperate addicts are dangerous and great manipulators, don't forget that.
He's already stolen from you, baggered you into signing some dumb piece of paper not to press charges against him, which by the way wouldn't hold up in court anyway so you need to really but up your guard, keep your son safe.
Focus on your sons well being, how's this affecting him? His emotional state? What he went through is traumatic and scary, embarrassing to be at a police station so make him your top priority especially in your thoughts.
Addicts are very resilient, jail would be the safest place for him and counseling for you snd your son the safest place for the two of you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 309
Yep, my kids have been stolen from too. But that was when he was a practicing alcoholic. Now that he does Meth, it is the next level crap.
And, if it is working for you to remember that, do it. I imagine you are like me. You put up with it for years because it was directed at you, but once the kids are involved, everything changed and it should.
What are you doing for you? Are you taking care of you right now?
And, if it is working for you to remember that, do it. I imagine you are like me. You put up with it for years because it was directed at you, but once the kids are involved, everything changed and it should.
What are you doing for you? Are you taking care of you right now?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Central---Pa
Posts: 27
Its been only a couple days since all this happened. I'm looking into therapy and local support groups but to fit in to my work schedule and a time I can get a sitter is proving to be a little difficult .
And you're right I out up with it for 2 years and I just don't want to live the rest of my life like this
And you're right I out up with it for 2 years and I just don't want to live the rest of my life like this
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: WI
Posts: 240
I'm torn to between trying to find my missing AH and scared for his safety and also being scared for the safety of my girls and I. It's so conflicting isn't it? But the physical and emotional safety of my girls must come first regardless of how we wish things were.
I keep trying to remind myself I love a man that no longer exists. I married a person, not cocaine or meth but those things are who he's become. He no longer is my husband in any way, shape or form. He really died a couple years ago when he started on this path. That's the person I love and miss, not who he is now. I just keep telling myself that over and over and over. Sooner or later, it's bound to sink in.
We are just at the beginning of this, learning about addiction and dealing with the end of my marriage. I'm trying to treat this as if my AH has died. Just grieve and get what help I need to move on. Some days will be better than others.
So here we are feeling a lot like you are. Your not alone out there. There is one thread after another on SR to attest to that. He can only help himself and he has to choose to do that on his own. You have to go on with your life. Get help to do that. None of this is your fault. I'm starting Nar - Anon on Monday. Maybe also try to contact a domestic violence center for counseling. Many offer free one on one counseling and/or groups to help you cope with what your going through. Prayers for your peace of mind
I keep trying to remind myself I love a man that no longer exists. I married a person, not cocaine or meth but those things are who he's become. He no longer is my husband in any way, shape or form. He really died a couple years ago when he started on this path. That's the person I love and miss, not who he is now. I just keep telling myself that over and over and over. Sooner or later, it's bound to sink in.
We are just at the beginning of this, learning about addiction and dealing with the end of my marriage. I'm trying to treat this as if my AH has died. Just grieve and get what help I need to move on. Some days will be better than others.
So here we are feeling a lot like you are. Your not alone out there. There is one thread after another on SR to attest to that. He can only help himself and he has to choose to do that on his own. You have to go on with your life. Get help to do that. None of this is your fault. I'm starting Nar - Anon on Monday. Maybe also try to contact a domestic violence center for counseling. Many offer free one on one counseling and/or groups to help you cope with what your going through. Prayers for your peace of mind
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
In AA it's said that anything you put ahead of your recovery you'll eventually lose. I keep that though going when it comes to my recovery, it has to be top shelf, top of my list.
In al-anon if a new comber shows up with a child, one of us will babysit in another room so that the person can attend the meeting. some groups even offer babysitting and it's free!! Some members have babysitting age children and arrangements can be made. Find a meeting bring your son and see what may be available.
In al-anon if a new comber shows up with a child, one of us will babysit in another room so that the person can attend the meeting. some groups even offer babysitting and it's free!! Some members have babysitting age children and arrangements can be made. Find a meeting bring your son and see what may be available.
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