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24 YO AS arrested again

Old 11-15-2014, 09:18 AM
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24 YO AS arrested again

My pain is so deep as I watch them arrest my "boy" again. For stealing my debit card. In my families eyes I'm the worst mom. He's not that bad. My son is a heroin addict now after spending 6 months in a Salvation Army rehab....was released last week. I watched him spiral downward severely this week and can't take watch ing him kill himself. He now has new felony charges and a VOP. His own mom has him arrested. So hard for me bc that's my son I love and adore. As he sat in the cruiser he ask if he could talk with his mother. He hugged me so tight and cried saying I'm so sorry mom. Prayers please for myself and his siblings. They are heartbroken

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Old 11-15-2014, 09:19 AM
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So very sorry, markdara91298.

Prayers and blessings to you and your family.
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Old 11-15-2014, 09:33 AM
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Your not a bad mom. Your a strong and courageous mom for loving him so much that your letting him face the consequences despite every bone in your body wanting to save him from himself. That's actually a very selfless thing to do. He knows you love him. Your in my prayers
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Old 11-15-2014, 09:35 AM
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((((markdara)))). I cannot begin to imagine your pain.
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Old 11-15-2014, 09:39 AM
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Oh sweetie, you are NOT a bad mom. You are doing what you have to do. It's so easy for others to look down their noses and criticize what you are doing, but they have no idea what it is like to live with active addiction. Please don't let anything they say make you feel bad. (((HUGS)))
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Old 11-15-2014, 11:24 AM
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Dear MarkDara, I too had my son arrested as he was stealing our jewelry and pawning items. He went to jail for 3 months and then into a rehab. All I can say is the boundary was important for ME because if I had allowed the behavior to continue, we would probably be in far worse shape. the time he spent in jail was actually peaceful for me because I knew where he was and that he was safe, however it is painful and dark and terrifying. I understand.
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Old 11-15-2014, 11:30 AM
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I am so very sorry for you.

Prayers for you and your family and your son.
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Old 11-15-2014, 11:37 AM
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I am so sorry for you Mark, I don't have kids so I can't even imagine the pain you are in
I read not so long ago a memoir called:
Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction by David Sheff.
In it, David share his E.S.H. and you might relate to it and maybe get some comfort and hope from it.
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Old 11-15-2014, 12:41 PM
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Markdara - I don't really have anything to offer but hugs & prayers. I can't imagine how hard it was to have him arrested but I think you may have just saved his life.
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Old 11-15-2014, 12:59 PM
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I did this for my ex crystal meth addict--she is not a RAD because she has never done recovery but she has turned her life around.

Had her arrested for grand felony theft as she had taken $10,000 over a year...we finally found a dirty pee test for her 4 days before her 18th birthday...and also we had an agreement that she would stay clean until her 18th birthday and we would forgive it. She still blames me for whatever was done...10 years later...but I remember just praying that God would keep her alive and high school spent in rehabs didn't make me feel better...so you reminded me that I am happy about that. She is an adult with 2 girls of her own...still a challenging personality and still not compassionate or empathetic to anyone but those she feels she controls...but it is her issue now...and I am stepping up to letting go of her blame and gossip and just letting her live her life as she chooses.

I am grateful she is alive and that's what it comes to...a mother who loves their child enough to give them any chance she can...you are a loving and caring mother...and also a very strong mother to have been able to deal with the obstacles and well-meaning, but not in your shoes as mom suggestions...I have walked there...life didn't turn into a fairy tale...and I am now on my 3rd addict daughter and there are always issues...but you are here...and you are supported and you did what your best judgment advised.

Just wish this daughter (22) were as easy...but it is harder and I am having to really work on detachment...again. It tends to work by person with me...and it has been really really hard...but she is not ready and she may never be ready and she has rejected 5 years of our best attempts to 'help' and we are not in a situation to help.

Sending prayers and hugs to you.
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Old 11-15-2014, 01:00 PM
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You are NOT a bad mama. This is said from someone who is both an RA and a recovering codie.

My dad never had reason to arrest me, but he did refuse to bond me out of my last lockup, as much as it hurt him.

That was one of the consequences I needed to feel as an active A. There were more, but I am forever grateful for the people who loved me enough to say "I love you, but I WILL NOT help you keep using".

Going on 8 years in recovery, and though it was a one-person thing to do, I am forever grateful to the people who loved me enough to let me dig a deep hole and figure my own way out of it.

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy
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Old 11-15-2014, 02:31 PM
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Please listen to Amy. She's one of the reasons I stepped back and allowed my daughter to own her addiction (IV opiate) and life. My RAD is a happy person today.

So many hugs and prayers for you and yours.
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Old 11-15-2014, 02:52 PM
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Another mom who understands. You are doing a loving thing by putting boundaries in place.
Qwer
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Old 11-15-2014, 03:16 PM
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A huge thank you to Chino. She has seen my recovery in addiction and codependency since day one.

I've hurt people, I've tried to make amends. I simply could not have the recovery I have, had it not been for the people I love saying "this is ENOUGH, I will NOT enable you any more".

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 11-15-2014, 03:47 PM
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Hugs and prayers. I know this must be so hard for all of you, but you will know he isn't using tonight and he is feeling the consequences that he needs in order to want to change.

You are in my prayers...
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Old 11-15-2014, 05:16 PM
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There is nothing more loving that we can do for a child as teaching them that there are consequences for breaking the law and our trust...even though it breaks our hearts to do it.

There is no guilt for you to bear...he did the crime and will now pay the consequence, just as anyone who steals should do. You didn't put him in jail, he put himself there by breaking the law.

You may have saved his life by doing this. The downward spiral will stop now, he will have time to reflect soberly on what his next move will be, and my prayers go out that he will finally choose a better path and work very hard to stay on it.

As he sat in the cruiser he ask if he could talk with his mother. He hugged me so tight and cried saying I'm so sorry mom.
He loves you and doesn't blame you, please don't blame yourself.

Hugs from my heart to yours
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Old 11-16-2014, 02:31 AM
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Your a good mom......... Going on nine years now and what made me change was hating who I had become, who I was, and where my life was going. When I was sick like that, the drug had such a huge hold over me. I had to fight that hold and pain is what made me fight for my life back. If people had not let or made me do that, I don't think I would have forced myself to change.

Your a good mom, don't ever doubt that.
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Old 11-16-2014, 10:05 AM
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Until addiction has pushed you to this point, it is hard for others and even ourselves to understand why or when we finally have had ENOUGH. I feel your pain, but I am also so glad you did what you did--he does have to face consequences like everyone else, hard as it is to enforce that boundary. Try to get some rest and don't spend too much time wringing your hands and heart over the call you made. Let it go, if you can, even if it happens slowly. Give yourself some space and time and self care. It will make all the difference, as will an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting. There are plenty of people there who have had to do the same thing. Take care!
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Old 11-16-2014, 12:02 PM
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I'm so sorry. I know you are in horrible pain but you did the right thing. I admire your courage.
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