markdara91298

Last Monday I thought my son was graduating from Salvation Army court ordered rehab to find him 40# less than when he went in at 180#. Instead he was discharged with positive drug test. Wow! And a full fledged heroin addict!!! I tell the director off!! My son is worse than I've ever seen him. He's now got a VOP but no active warrant. Thursday night he steals my debit card. I notice three small transactions totaling $52. Today I saw him in route to the town he gets drugs today and text him telling him to turn around the dealers are killing you. Fight son and turn around. My nephew sends me a pic of the tin can in the bathroom where he freebases. I sent the pic to him and said THIS IS AN ADDICT. Do you know him? I do. He's my son. Love mom. Right now I'm a super mess. He knows I know his deal and that he's very sick. I told him card is cancelled and he better be out of my rental tmrw. He said yes ma'am. He is headed to jail but I seriously want to expedite it. He's gonna die. He's spiraling. Please offer me advice. So intake him somewhere again or that's rescuing him again. Do I let him figure this out bc he's going to jail possibly prison very soon anyways and he's gonna end up there soon. This Is so hard. I'm staying strong just want tondo the right thing. This has been seven years but I've never seen hi this bad!!!! Help!!!

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chicory

I am so sorry that your son is actively using, and I know your heart is broken.

You say he was to graduate his rehab, but do you mean that he was using H all the while in rehab?

Jail would be safer for him, no doubt, than what he is doing now. Have you reported him stealing your card?

markdara91298

@ chicory. Yes he's been using. The last 3 1/2 months of a 6 month program. It's so painful to think I took the step to have him arrested and was sent to a rehab with drugs more abundant than he could get on the streets. Do I go to his probation officer or contact police. I told AS to be out of my rental place. He said he would tmrw just don't have him arrested for $52. He said I'm already in a lot of trouble and will be going to jail soon possibly this week. I want to help him be safe. He's pitiful.

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chicory

I am no expert on what should be done in these situations, so I don't make too many suggestions. I would however suggest you remember that its not the amount of money he took, but that he is doing drugs with it, if I understood you correctly.

The consequences are the things that have the most impact..not our love or understanding, although we give that anyway. We know they are sick.

I think I would inform someone of the rehab situation, though, if it were me. Rehab should be a drug free zone. Very frustrating for you, and I am sorry. Be strong.

markdara91298

@ chicory. Yes I want to do all those things about the rehab. I called Salvation Army headquarters in Tampa Florida. I've never heard back. I'm going to the News station next week and the judges. I'm trying to hold myself together for my other three young children at home. My 16 YO daughter is aware and is so upset About her brother. The other two know just sitting there quiet knowing mom is upset. My husband wants to split him in two. I havnt told him about my debit card. I told him I lost it and cancelled it but not about the transactions. I'm feeling so overwhelmed....not falling apart but so much heart ache. My two nephews overdosed. My son is next I'm sure. I don't know what to do. I guess call the police and make his record more sever. At least he will be alive.

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chicory

Ann

Sweetie, one mother of an addict to another...the best thing to do is nothing, just let him find his own way, no matter how unpleasant his journey.

The founder of SR, a recovering addict named Jon, once told me that I might just love my son into the grave if I didn't let go. Ouch, those words stung, but it was among the best advice I have ever received. I almost put myself in the grave trying to save my son and I learned that some things are just not mine to "fix".

Please don't try to orchestrate his "next" move, if you feel okay with it charge him with theft again, or don't, but stop giving him anything or doing anything for him that will manipulate his journey.

Sometimes they need to face consequences to "get" that they alone are responsible for the mess they made and only they alone can find a better path...when they are ready.

What helps me is to say a prayer each morning and ask God to take care of my son and do for him what I cannot...then I let go and embrace the day, living it well, as life was intended to be lived.

Prayers out for both you and your son. You are "me" not many years ago and I truly know your pain.

Hugs from my heart to yours.

Ann

I just want to add one more thing, just thoughts from a mama who's been there...please don't blame the rehab. They have rules and when the rules are broken the residents must leave. They probably didn't know, or maybe gave him a chance or two when they found out. Rehabs are not jails, they offer tools to get clean and stay clean and it's up to the residents to work hard to learn this...or try to fool them and in the end fool themselves.

But the one person responsible for your son's drug use is...your son.

Let it be.

Hugs

markdara91298

So grateful and thankful for all your replies today. Such comforting words. My son is so tired of this life and told his girlfriend last night I want to change so bad!!! I know he's accepting of today. He was as calm as a lamb with so much sincerity. Almost a look of thank you for saving me bc I can't fight another day!!! Praying for his wellbeing😊😊

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biminiblue

For many the turning point is jail.

I read in another thread that you had him arrested, is that for this latest thing? So, he's in custody now?