tiashiba911

My boyfriend just went back to rehab for the second time. The salvation army rehab. He is addicted to synthetic marijuanna and is on probation. The first time he went he kissed another girl because he thought we were broken up and he thought i was doing the same and left early because he felt guilty wanted to tell me he called me at 11:00 and told me he left and he needs to talk . He told me what happened and at first I was like why did u leave your recovery is more important and he told me he had to tell me and couldn't handle not telling me anymore and thst he tried writing to me about what happened but he felt writing about it on a letter was wrong then he cried . I was upset he left for that reason. I think his recovery is more important than that. Even though I was upset I forgave him.
Now it's his second attempt at rehab after a relapse with spice (a drug very common in Las vegas.) And after not attending a mandatory drug test because of his laziness while using spice he was afraid of jail time and told his probation he wants to attend a rehab. This rehab is a 6 months program. I gave him the ultimatum if he wants to be with me 1. Stay all 6 months 2. Not cheat on me .first month there is no outside contact aloud except writing letters to each other. So far I lost a lot of hope in him because of all the pain he put me thru. He has alot of potential and I still want to believe in him .i love him with all my heart and he is a total different person when sober. I know I'm his only support since everyone else gave up on him . This may sound selfish but I dont want to be cheated on again I know it was just a kiss and he told me he made a mistake . I guess I'm just paranoid. I should believe in him more but I'm just a overreacting gf. But at the same time I want to leave him and avoid the pain. But I feel like if I leave him I will regret it and come back. I always make excuses to stay with him . I am codependent on him. I want to continue with the ultimatum I gave him but now I almost want to give up. Should I stay or should I go Sorry that I'm all over the place.

Ann

I am glad he is back in rehab, maybe now would be a good time to figure out why you are drawn back to someone who is an active addict and who used you as his excuse to leave rehab last time?

You are wise to want to break up with him, take a good read around here and you will see that the odds of this working out for you both are slim and sometimes it's just time to move forward with your life...regardless of what choices he makes for his.

If you have any meetings near you, it might be helpful to attend a few to see of you can find some courage to move forward and take care of yourself.

Good luck.

Hugs

zoso77

Tiabshiba,

I see you're relatively new to us, so Welcome to the Board.

There's a common theme these parts: we love the addict so much, we can't bear to be without them. Hence, "I want to break up with my boyfriend in rehab but I can't".

But you're wrong. You can. No one is forcing you to stay with him. No one is threatening you with harmful consequences if you ditch him. No, when you say you "can't" break up with him, that means you don't want to break up with him.

Breakups aren't pleasant, no matter what side of it you're on. And in this life, there is no avoiding pain. It's unfortunately a part of this life.

Your ABF sounds like bad news. If one of my nieces, for example, was dating a guy like you described, I'd be heartbroken. Whatever "potential" he has is negated by his other issues. So what you have to do is ask yourself if this guy shares the same morals and values as you do. And if you can be honest with yourself about that, then your decision becomes pretty easy to make.

Keep us posted.

lucky236

Do what your heart tells you and also envision if you think a good future with him is possible if not then move on.

tiashiba911

I think I will give him This last chance. If he stays in the program for the whole 6 months . We both know if he messes up again it's over . Not only has he hurt me but he hurt his family as well . He knows if he doesn't changehis ways he Will have no one else. I finally got his family to support him again because addicts need support and love whIle in recovery. If this doesn't work then I'm out. I already have a" breAK up "letter sitting in my drawer. I got a letter from him today and he said he is taking eXtra classes while in there to get the most out of he can out of the program. I hope the salvation army will serve him well as is did many other addicts. I hope I made the right choice because this time it seems different