Lending money to mum to clear the debts my brother has left her with..
 

Would you?
My mum is not an addict but has been enabling my brother. While he was sober she got a loan for him which he paid back. He requested another earlier this year for £5000. He's back on his DOC & has left her with the debt. Which she needs to clear in addition to solicitors bills. I only have a few thousand in the bank but she has asked about borrowing it & paying it back (she is honest and would do so). But the thought of leading my hard earned cash to clear his debts makes me angry as he gets away scot free and eventually mum has had to cough up (and me & any other family member who lends in the meantime till being paid back).
She lent me £1500 last year to add to my savings to buy my car. I paid her back within 2 months. So she has helped me & I would feel bad saying no.

Just wondered what your thoughts are?

Thank you guys xxx

I'd say no. Why not?

That's good enough reason for me. If your mother is a reasonable person, she will understand this.

Oh, this money issue thingy. I have a lot of experiences.

But I learned "No." is a complete sentence. And I feel much happy and better to say it when I need to. Don't lend it if you are going to regret or mad in the future. It will be even worse if you will bring it up with your mom or blame her used your money to help your brother later in life. It worse than not lend her the money. If you decided to "lend" her that money, just think that it's a gift for her, not your brother. And don't even bother how she spends it.

It's like his chaos spreads so far and ends up affecting all of us to varying degrees. Mum being so embroiled and also vulnerable makes it awful because everyone wants to protect her and defend her. But she too was warned about what could potentially happen before getting involved after previous horrendous experiences & she chose to proceed. She's being given some money for Christmas by my grandfather and she's putting this towards her solicitors costs. This whole situation (again) could near on break her. I switch between anger for each of them.. Mum dad and brother, then pity, then a want to cut all contact as my days are so much happier when I'm not thinking r talking about this. Thank you for the replies. Xxx

I'm so sorry to hear about your difficulties! My sister is a recovering opiate addict, and I too have had to deal in the past with the frustration of watching my mother enable her. I think that in a way, the same principles of allowing an addict to deal with their own consequences applies to people who enable addicts. As you said, your Mom knew the risk she was taking. Maybe if she has to deal with the consequences, then she will learn her lesson and be more cautious about lending your brother money next time. FWIW, I don't think you should feel guilty about saying no. I think that not lending money to your Mom to make up for money she has given to your addicted brother is a very reasonable boundary.

Thank you that makes me feel better. I didn't want her thinking I was being tight after she lent me money last year! If it was for something else no problem, but to repay a loan she never should have guarantored for him seems crazy. I found out tonight that my brother told his bank that the loan company fraudulently took payments out of his account so bank have refunded £800 and loan company have added it onto my mums bill (as she guarantored it). What a mess! Xx

Your not alone. I've seen seniors and parents especially do things like put up the house. I've seen other people lose a couple of houses because the spouse needed rehab so many times. And the money troubles can spread and cause consternation at the same time. After I came here I learned to say no and recommended others do the same.

I only gift money, I never loan it.

There is no expectation then of a return of the money. I also then will only do so if I can truly afford to give the money. It makes everything simpler.

If they decide on their own to pay back the gift, that is just a "bonus." But I'll be honest, no one has decided to do so if they initially asked for a loan and I gave it as a gift. And I hold no resentment for it since it was a gift.

I hope that makes sense!