Lara

Is it actually a blessing in disguise whenever my addicted love one relapses - that he literally just stops contact over night! He's always promised one thing - he would never expose me or my child to his cocaine addiction - have to give him that - he literally walks out of our lives - and then emerges again a few weeks later - not quite like a butterfly out of a cocoon - more like a moth with broken wings.... how long do we put up with this cycle?

zoso77

As long as you want to. It's your choice, Lara.

mistyeye

I am going through the same thing. Boyfriend left me and our 10 month son 2 weeks ago. He said he wasnt doing meth but for him to do this makes me think he is.

zoso77

Misty...

I see this is your first post, so Welcome to the Board.

How about you start a new thread so you can give us a chance to respond what's going on with your life.

I'm glad you found us and look forward to reading about you.

ladyscribbler

You are being exposed to his addiction. Maybe he isn't using in front of you, but addiction is all the crazy behavior, not just the actual drug use. He abandons your family every time he chooses to use and then expects a soft landing and a warm reception when he comes home from his drug binge.
You can put a stop to this cycle by making different choices. He has no reason to want change. This arrangement is obviously working for him. You can decide that you want something different for yourself and your child.

9111111

It helped me to understand, that the addict didn't hide in hotels to protect me from the insanity of his addiction, but to protect his insane addiction from my interference.

Looking at their actions instead of listening to their words can hurt so bad.

CaringScared

I will say this. I think a lot of addicts feel deep, deep shame at what they are doing to their loved ones. Perhaps it depends on where they are at in their addiction. I don't know. But I think that many people definitely have moments where they think, "What the f. have I done."

Of course, then it just makes them use more. It's a vicious cycle. I was talking to my boyfriend one day and I said that sometimes I felt like his using was my fault and he got a truly baffled look on his face. "Why ever would you think that?" He could see the situation clearer than me. Good Lord.

9111111

I agree Caringscared - I think too, that there's a lot of guilt involved.

Not all feelings are facts, but some facts need to be faced and dealt with.

story74

Isn't it hard? It is so easy to say, change your number. We know that is what we need to do. For me, I want to do everything legally. I don't want to ever loose my son to me being hostile. We are currently on our 4th disappearance. He had told my son (our son) a month ago, "I will be in your life for eternity"...I cringed when I heard that. I have full custody. He has supervised visits. Next week, will be the 2 year mark. It will have been 2 years and he has only seen his son for 1 hr out of those years. So, now I haven't heard from him for almost 2 weeks. He knows his son has been sick. Nothing. The child support stopped...again. What do I do?I told my son this could happen. We both agreed this is his last chance. I have really protected my son. It may not sound like it, but I have really strong boundries. I also don't want to go to court. I don't have the money, nor do I want to loose what I have. So, what do I do? Be at his every whim? I have realized he is the most selfish man alive. So I don't know. I think the next time he calls I need to set expectation. I need to set a time he must call. He hasn't even asked to see his son. My personal cut off date is a month. After a month, I will just tell him that he needs to show me paperwork from a rehab clinic that he was there before I let him see our son. I need to get my son into therapy. We were scheduled but I had to cancel because I couldn't afford it. But, my lawyer said that would REALLY help the case. I'm at the point, I want him gone. He isn't sober. I know he isn't sober, so see ya. My son has been very protected. Very protected. I am once again dealing with the disappointment. My son doesn't even think of him as a father, but deep down he wishes he had a daddy. He doesn't trust him. Thankfully, I have been child appropriately honest! And it has paid off. He still hurts.

Lara

wow - powerful words - you just hit the nail on the hid - this is ALL ABOUT THEM - NO 'US' AT ALL!!!! WHEW!