Start -restart- start
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
Start -restart- start
It's because of a private message from a friend that I find myself posting again. It's been awhile since I've shared about my RAS and perhaps it's because I'm afraid to share his good news. For a very long time....lets call it at least 4,years, it was a start-restart - start as far as his recovery was concerned. A long hard road for all involved. We all seemed to find our road to recovery- my son on his and me on mine. It's not been easy for him or his family but we hold onto hope and pray we continue on this road. And I pray and give thanks for finding SR when I was so in need of support. Thank you all for being there for me and so many others when we needed another human being to lean on.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm glad to see you too, and as long as we/they keep trying, there is hope.
One of the surprises of recovery is that it may have not changed my circumstance but it did change my attitude and my ability to cope with whatever life hands me. Another one of those strangely wrapped gifts.
Welcome Home Hugs
One of the surprises of recovery is that it may have not changed my circumstance but it did change my attitude and my ability to cope with whatever life hands me. Another one of those strangely wrapped gifts.
Welcome Home Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
Glad to hear this news...I have an active addict...and cannot help her anymore. I hit bottom in June...then lost job which was my restart in Sept 2014...and coming here is my lifeline right now.
I am trying to just do my recovery although the fear and resistance about life right now have at times been overwhelming...and I have been getting inspiration from Ann and some of those who clearly have done long term recovery in very difficult circumstances.
Took a 60 day consulting job yesterday to 'see if I fit' and I am stress to the gills and it is half of what the last job was...but it is something and I am making the choice to face the fear and take one day at a time...the jaw is rigid...but I can do this one minute at a time.
Trying to just deal with what is mine to deal with...and on Sunday I travelled to see if I could find my daughter...which I could not...she is in a big city and where she was staying...she had left 3-4 days ago...but I felt momentary relief that she is alive...and I also took that and went to 3 interviews yesterday and showed up as myself (have always been a business manager...but recovery has changed who I am...underneath that tough exterior in business...I was someone different...so recovery brings the need for change in me...and I am so afraid...
But I am doing the recovery and going to trust that I do not need to solve all the problems that remain from the past 7 years...financial failure, me standing by husband in business and life...at the expense of my career perception (in and out of jobs...don't disclose the addiction usually--did with the last job and the guy told me he couldn't get it out of his mind...and that was a big element in me getting let go)--low self esteem but still walking.
I will start this job tomorrow and just take it one minute at a time...I am petrified that I will be let go again...and petrified because it is the least I have made in 25 years...but also in 25 years...was working through a child death and 3 children's addictions and trying to keep the whole family afloat and now...4 of 5 are on their own and doing well for themselves and one is, by her own choice, out of contact...and I can't, literally can't do more than I am doing now.
I love how Ann talks about I have my attitude within my control...that is what I am working on...and I am glad to be in a naranon meeting where I can share my pain without judgment...it is the best naranon meeting I ever met.
I always did tough love and I know what it has cost...but had to and have to be kind of tough love to myself as I am trying to get out and work and to be here and be honest about my feelings as well as my real situation and my work on my program...all overwhelming if I overthink it.
God Bless.
I am trying to just do my recovery although the fear and resistance about life right now have at times been overwhelming...and I have been getting inspiration from Ann and some of those who clearly have done long term recovery in very difficult circumstances.
Took a 60 day consulting job yesterday to 'see if I fit' and I am stress to the gills and it is half of what the last job was...but it is something and I am making the choice to face the fear and take one day at a time...the jaw is rigid...but I can do this one minute at a time.
Trying to just deal with what is mine to deal with...and on Sunday I travelled to see if I could find my daughter...which I could not...she is in a big city and where she was staying...she had left 3-4 days ago...but I felt momentary relief that she is alive...and I also took that and went to 3 interviews yesterday and showed up as myself (have always been a business manager...but recovery has changed who I am...underneath that tough exterior in business...I was someone different...so recovery brings the need for change in me...and I am so afraid...
But I am doing the recovery and going to trust that I do not need to solve all the problems that remain from the past 7 years...financial failure, me standing by husband in business and life...at the expense of my career perception (in and out of jobs...don't disclose the addiction usually--did with the last job and the guy told me he couldn't get it out of his mind...and that was a big element in me getting let go)--low self esteem but still walking.
I will start this job tomorrow and just take it one minute at a time...I am petrified that I will be let go again...and petrified because it is the least I have made in 25 years...but also in 25 years...was working through a child death and 3 children's addictions and trying to keep the whole family afloat and now...4 of 5 are on their own and doing well for themselves and one is, by her own choice, out of contact...and I can't, literally can't do more than I am doing now.
I love how Ann talks about I have my attitude within my control...that is what I am working on...and I am glad to be in a naranon meeting where I can share my pain without judgment...it is the best naranon meeting I ever met.
I always did tough love and I know what it has cost...but had to and have to be kind of tough love to myself as I am trying to get out and work and to be here and be honest about my feelings as well as my real situation and my work on my program...all overwhelming if I overthink it.
God Bless.
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