Long time no see!

Old 10-24-2014, 04:48 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Long time no see!

Hey guys, I haven't been here in a long time but I thought I'd come by and say hi. I see some familiar faces, many new faces, but mostly the same old stories. Life is tough and I wish everyone the best. What was best for me was to stop putting my focus on my drug addict boyfriend and start putting it on me.

What I have been able to accomplish since I did that is nothing short of miraculous. I've come really far in my career. And I couldn't be prouder or more shocked at where I am today. Especially considering the life I was leading 11 years ago - addicted to crack and on the brink of losing everything. Yes there are success stories. But don't hold your breath. People have to lose a lot before they choose to turn their lives aroun. And if someone decides to turn their life around it will have very little to do with how much they were supported by their loved ones. More likely the opposite - you have to lose a lot to want to change your life. That goes for both addicts and codependency I guess. Just call me a double winner.

Anyway, as far as an update - my sweet son is in the fourth grade now and doing really well. He hates to study but gets nearly straight As in school (too smart for his own good - like his mother - yikes). He's athletic as all get out so I keep him very busy and active in sports and cub scouts. I hope that will keep him out of trouble somewhat when he gets older. He's really handsome but has no interest in girls (so he says) however he is taking one to the school halloween carnival tomorrow night. Fourth grade is a year of changes... He spent the summer living in Ireland with his grandma (the hardest thing about being a single mom is childcare). And he wants to be a speech therapist when he grows up. He's been going to speech therapy to master that darn "er" since he was seven.

He's sad about his dad but I tell him that his fathers choices should never hold him back from being the best person he can be. I tried the whole your daddy is sick which worked when he was young. Then when he got a little older introduced the idea of drug addiction - but that didn't go over well with him at all. He says, "My daddy doesn't do drugs mom. That's not true." Denial is a strong emotion and it really doesn't matter. Even though he hasn't seen his father in more than three years, his love for him has not lessened. I'm sure he hopes he'll come back some day but in the meantime he's moving on with his life and being the best "me" he can be. I've always told him that who he grows up to be is his choice all the way. I hope I establish a sense of ownership over his actions instead of a feeling of victimhood.

Anyway, lots of love to all you "old timers" here for continuing to support and offer hope to those whose families and loved ones are struggling with addiction. The best thing I ever did was stop tying my personal happiness and success to someone elses choices. I learned I needed to be the change I wanted to see in other people. And then it didn't really matter whether they changed or not.

Lots of love,
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Old 10-24-2014, 06:28 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Kitty, it's so nice to see an old friend again. It sounds like your life is very happy today and I can't believe how fast your son is growing up.

You are an inspiration to all who are afraid to venture out on their own.

Stick around, meet some of the newcomers and shine your light for those who cannot find their own.

I am glad to see you.

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Old 10-25-2014, 11:33 PM
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Getting there!!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,742
(((Hello-kitty))) great to see you here and so happy to read your positive updates. Boy, sure to miss your ESH. I hope you stick around again.

P.S. Happy belated birthday. Hope this year is as wonderful as last year's.
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