easiersaid

Although my relationship with my AB has improved quite a bit over the last several months, I am finding myself struggling with depression on and off still. Part of it I know is biological, but some of it is a result of my past battles with maintaining a relationship and family with an addict. I get so down in the dumps sometimes when all I feel like doing is.., well, nothing. I'm having a hard time feeling happy about anything, and when I do start feeling happy and hopeful I get scared that he will relapse or something will happen to turn things upside down yet again. I don't know where to go from here and feel like this is maybe as good as it gets. Having a bad day. I'm sorry. I don't understand how one second I can be so secure and feeling hopeful and the next I'm stuck in the past again and worried about the future. I'm rambling and chasing rabbits now, thanks for reading.

irisgardens

easiersaid...i don't have any answers...have the same thing...and i just keep working on my own recovery as a codependent and caretaker as best as I can...and I keep asking God (my HP) to help me to have an ah ha or learning that will help me to be able to move forward no matter how slowly and I am reading here and my literature and listening and trying to keep mind and heart open. sounds like a rough day and sending huggs.

zoso77

I know quite a bit about depression. Unfortunately.

What I finally figured out in the wake of the relationship with my AXGF crashing and burning is if I was going to get through it, I was going to have to make a cognitive shift of some sort. In my case, two days after things ended with my AXGF, I woke up, got out of bed, and simply decided I was going to get through this and come out the other side better and stronger.

Now, I didn't always feel that way. There were days that were pretty dark. But the deal I cut with myself was accepting I was going to have days where emotionally, I felt like sh*t. And there were plenty of those days.

I also forced myself to do simple things like make my bed even if I didn't feel like it. Or do my laundry, or keep up with the housecleaning. Anything that made me feel like I had accomplished something that day. I would sprinkle those days with treats; about 2/3 weeks after the breakup, I ate a steak to die for at The Capital Grille with two of my buddies.

But what I finally came to understand was there was no way in hell I was going to allow someone to dictate my happiness or lack thereof. My happiness...my emotional well being...was going to be a function of me. And only me.

If you decide things are never going to get better, then they won't get better. If you decide they will get better, then they will...in time. But you have to decide that things will get better, and then you have to work at it.

Decouple from him. Do things that will fulfill your needs. That could mean taking a day trip somewhere and maybe taking the long way home, just to see places and things you've never seen before. It could mean going out with friends and having a few laughs. It could simply mean having your favorite dessert (though don't do that every day!!) Listen to music, especially music that you've never heard before. That's the joy of iTunes.

Get to the gym. Do cardio at least 3 days a time for 30 minutes. This has tremendous benefits. If you're really motivated, start lifting weights and get some aggression out. For me, listening to hard rock while working out is a must.

Drink plenty of water. This will flush out all the nasty chemicals in your body that are created by stress, and the only downside is you'll have to pee more.

For now, limit your alcohol intake; it's a depressant, and given how your body chemistry is right now, you don't need to take anything that will work against you.

Just keep going. Do not give up. And don't couple your happiness and well being to whether he's using or not. Otherwise, you will be stuck. And I think you've had quite enough of that.