Looking for advice

Old 10-20-2014, 04:04 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Just getting to your original post now:

I've had her in rehab 3 times. The longest she's stayed is 1 week. She's destroying her life right in front of her eyes and I don't know how to get through to her. She's grown up with addiction all around her (me included from alcoholism). But she's always had a loving stable home and knows she's got support from me and her grandparents when she's ready to quit.
So she's been in rehab 3 times, the longest duration being a week, and:

would it be wise to talk to the judge and try to persuade a judgement for what I want? Or would it be better for tough love and to take a step back and let her deal with this?
Let's say for the sake of argument that you got the judge to give you what you want. What evidence is there to suggest that the fourth time would be a charm for your daughter?

I'm assuming you're in recovery (which is excellent). I bet you made the decision to pursue sobriety on your own. The same rules, therefore, apply to your daughter. The best thing to do for her, and yourself, is to step back and allow things to take their natural course. This means accepting that you may not like how things are turning out. But at the end of the day, there's nothing you can do for her. Your daughter is in this mess due to her choices. And if she has to pay a price, then that's the way it shall be. She pays it, not you.

Take care of you.
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Old 10-20-2014, 04:05 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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That was his first time getting in legal trouble.

I did it all the time he was growing up. I bailed him out of little things; when he'd get in a little scuffle at school, and then as he grew older, I even went to one of his employers who supposedly talked harshly to him - or so he said -- and I really made a fool out of myself. Turns out, he was just wanting to quit his job.

He's always been a manipulator.

But, yes. I really have to be careful and remember that alcoholism/drug addiction is the disease of big deals.
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Old 10-20-2014, 04:14 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Waterfalls....another mother chiming in! It's so difficult to stay strong when your heart is breaking. I understand as well. I kept on telling myself "he/she has to feel the pain/consequences and softening the blow won't help them." Yes, I had 2 young adult children in addiction at the same time.

I would have done many things different. I still have to pull myself back from "helping." My son is in a 6 month program-and has willingly completed 3 months. My daughter is in recovery.

Toward the end of my son's use-prior to his admission into the Salvation Army. I had to cut him off almost completely. I had already quit giving money; rides; a place to stay. He would even use the ..."I am going into rehab tomorrow card" in order to stay overnight with me. I caught on after the "second...I am going to rehab tomorrow" (and didn't) excuse. Told him "great let me know when you make it."

Even a phone call or dinner was to painful for me. I used to be able to do that and towards the end, I couldn't. I kept feeling sick-emotionally sick.

He didn't have any other choice but to stay homeless or do something. He didn't have a soft shoulder to cry on...any more. It had to be the most difficult thing for a mother to do.

I am still recovering in many ways.
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Old 10-20-2014, 04:43 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Another momma here....listen to the words here, let go and let the adult manage their own life....easier said than done, but take it one day at a time.

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Old 10-20-2014, 06:08 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Thanks everyone. I met her for dinner tonight. She looked great. Normal daughter, not passing out and nodding off everywhere. I brang up her up coming court date and told her I was not going to go. She wasn't surprised, in fact now that she's had time to thank it over I think she's embarrassed I know about it. I told her we can meet again next week for dinner but the court thing I'm not getting involved in.

She was an adult about it. I left with hope.

Thanks for all the advice you have given me. Without this I may have made project try to save my daughter my problem too.

Hugs to you all!
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Old 10-21-2014, 12:57 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Good for you!

It has to be so hard. I will just say that at Celebrate Recovery meetings I have listened to some young speakers who have been in rehab over and over. For some, it was not until they did some real time in jail before they could walk out on the other side clean. So no matter the outcome, there is hope. There is always hope!!!!

I am sorry for what brings you here, but very glad you are here!
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Old 11-14-2014, 08:32 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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AD had court again today. She didn't go. It was for the drug abuse charge. The less charge she has. I can't believe she would get a warrant for that but she did. It has me so upset, that I drank. Not good I know but I'm here trying too. She's obviously going to get arrested and held till she can see the judge. I haven't took her to any of her court dates and only found out about the warrant by looking it up. She has a public defender. How should I handle this? It's tearing me up. I really don't know what to do.
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Old 11-15-2014, 02:30 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Ive spent thousands of dollars trying to bail my son out of all his legal stuff for using meth. It did no good at all. In no time he was back on it. Save ur money n yourself. I no this hurts badly n Im so sorry ur going thru this.
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