Yogagurl

So, my AH who I left as of a month ago has moved on with someone new. I, for a moment, felt jealous and hurt but then quickly surmised it should not have taken him long because of his character. The pain was brief, maybe a few minutes, before my conscience told me it is just part of who he is. It didn't hurt for long. I'm grateful for letting it pass so quickly and recognizing where my mind was headed. I was miserable for years in his company. I'm grateful and hope his new found relationship takes his energy off of trying to make a mends with my enabling ways. It wasn't ever me he loved, it was my enabling. Just sharing feelings. Love to all.

zoso77

YG...

What he has moved onto isn't a "relationship" in the healthy sense of the word. It's a distraction, one whose primary purpose is to stimulate the pleasure center of his brain. The moment the new girl expects him to be a responsible adult is the moment it's over.

None of this should surprise you. It certainly doesn't surprise me.

Keep the focus on you and your progress.

ladyscribbler

Addicts need caretakers. After I left my ex last Aug/Sep he relied on his parents until they got tired of enabling him (no mean feat) and then moved on to his uncle's widow (uncle died of cirrhosis last Christmas, they moved in together in Jan).
I might have been more hurt if I hadn't been so grossed out by the whole thing. Yeah, he liked what I did for him, but the enabling I provided proved to be eminently replaceable.

maia1234

Yogagurl, I am sorry. I am sure it hurts. I will be divorced in a couple weeks and I am sure mine will have one within a couple months, if he doesnt have one already. It will hurt.

But I do have to say that the sex will not be that awesome, as we all know what happens to a's and their sex organs!! She can have him!!

Ann

I think you handled that well, you felt your feelings and processed them...and moved on without obsessing.

I agree with Zoso, this is not a healthy relationship, it is another victim for him to use. ..you are the real winner here.

Well done.

Hugs

hopeful4

I understand YG. My XAH moved on very quickly, as I always knew he would. That is fine w/me as we have children and he does much better in life when he is not alone. I only care b/c I want my kids to be happy. So now he has found another mommy to take care of him, good.

Stay strong my friend, you are doing great!

Vale

Yogagirl,

"Someone new" is 'gonna be "someone old" the moment she pulls the
bottle out of his mouth.

Your understandable hurt rest on a false assumption; that he is in a "new
relationship". He isn't.

You just applied some DEET (self respect) and the mosquito went elsewhere.

Wishful04

I know it hurts. Only 2 or 3 days after ABF vowed to prove his love beyond "all shadow of a doubt" he moved in and slept with another addict in his transition house.

it hurts. deeply. but it truly really is about them not us.

I long ago started to realize that to active addicts any new person (read mark) in an addicts life is like a pawn on a chess board...interchangeable...remove one insert another.

Like Ann said... you are the winner. You are doing the work to process things.

MLH2282

My XABF cheated on me and left me for another addict. It's so hurtful, but I realized it was my chance to get out. I'm not going to lie, I miss him everyday, but he chooses to continue abusing drugs, and I can't be a part of that anymore. I got to the point where I was afraid to hope fearing would only be hurt again.

He has made several attempts to get back together with me, but I noticed I am so much happier without having to think about his addiction. While there is an irrational feeling of jealousy occasionally, I mostly view this other woman as my saving grace. I tell myself DAILY, "better her than me."

Hawks

Sympathy for his new partner .... give it 3 months & she'll be trying to figure out how to give him back