Karrets

It's been four weeks and AH had been in touch. He was tearful and said he is in hospital. He has broken his heel jumping out of a widow trying to escape the police.
He said I'm sorry I shouldn't have called then hung up.... He rang back in the meantime my sister is going mad for even talking to him.... It was a private number so I didn't know.
Then he rings again and says I have no shoes and can't get out of the hospital... I pitied him..... then he says I know we are over but can you do me a favour please.... Can you put some money in my account so I can get a taxi? At first I felt sorry for him... Then I think he's running from the police he isn't looking to get better
I said no I can't and won't give you money he said they won't let him leave if he doesn't have money.
After I said no his voice changed.... blaming me that I have taken his life away. I said no you and your drugs have done that. Not me your not my responsibility.
I feel proud of myself but I still care..... does anyone know why I still care when everyone sees him as a scumbag... Why do I see it differently

biminiblue

That is something you are going to have to work through. I think in my case I wanted to be a good person. I was raised to help others and to care about their suffering.

I think this is a good theory when a child has a skinned knee or your good friend has cancer. A bandaid for one, some food and company for the other, and hugs for both and they don't ask you to help them run from the police or other crazy things.

A grown man who has blown up his own life doesn't deserve the same treatment. Not only that, it doesn't help him, it just feeds his manipulative irresponsible disorder.

Let go or be dragged.

Enabler1

It's called love. And what you are doing is detaching with love. My addict son has been missing for 3 days, and has a warrant-I am very anxious about him. He said he would rather die than go to jail. There is just nothing I can do. I do not give my son anymore money, etc. This is no way to live. It never ends if one keeps enabling. And I have to work on it every 5 minutes. It's a long process.

Karrets

Enabler1 I can't imagine how tough it must be letting go of your child. I have an 8 year old and he left needles in the house I didn't want to lose my child which I would of. My AH said that would never of happened. Selfish man

zoso77

Further proof that he's a manipulative SOB. He was all nice when he wanted something out of you. And once he understood he wasn't going to get it, he reverted back to form. Transparent and predictable, he is.

Because you love him. Which is fine. But you can both love someone and know in your gut that person's toxic. Don't ever forget this.

Karrets

Zoso that's so right. He is toxic... People can't see why I love him and think cause I love him I will have him back.... I would like people to trust me sometimes

hopeful4

Love is not enough, ever. You deserve so much more than what he will ever be able to give you. He was trying to manipulate you. Glad you are staying strong.

XXX

Karrets

Thanks hopeful. He has been arrested now apparently I've decided to change my number because I expect I'll get the sob story when he straightens out. I just need to keep listening to my head the heart can grieve but I can't follow it xxx

hopeful4

The good thing about grief is that there is a beginning and an end if you just let yourself go through it.

I know you can do this. XXX