Going to a f2f tonight
 

As soon as I write this post, I am going to my first f2f naranon meeting tonight.

I can't take credit for more than just realizing that I was 'given' a day of calm today after 2 days of intense anxiety attacks...and working my program the best I can...not too well I'm afraid...but I am in there trying...and having done another online naranon meeting last night.

I know that I need to be with people who understand and who don't judge and from whom I can learn...those with deeper recovery than my own...which right now feels very thin and weak.

So...just for tonight...I can go to this meeting...researched it, confirmed it exists, looked up the directions and now I am getting up to go.

Praying to my HP (God to me) for direction and guidance and this is it for today.

Thanking God for the ability to do this.

Iris, God bless.

Thanks Zoso77--it was a beautiful meeting and worth it. I don't know why so much anxiety and resistance but I have had it...and now...having gone...it was wonderful...and hard...but I knew that I was in the right place...and the sharing was so good...and meaningful. I don't have any answers except to know that I did a good thing today for me...and I need to go back...also bought the book so I can read and understand more.

Iris, I am so glad you found the courage to just go, just show up and let life happen, because meetings are a wonderful place to find our peace and work through our issues.

It takes a while to get used to them and sometimes we need to try a couple of different meetings to find one that feels "right" for us, so I am very happy that your first visit turned out so well.

I really am proud at how hard you have worked to put your recovery in place. You really are a woman of strength and courage and a shining example of how recovery works.

Hugs

Thank you Ann...not resting on any laurels here...each step is challenging and yet it is the only choice I can make...because anything else doesn't work.

So today I am going to my 2nd f2f naranon meeting...it has been a stressful week...way more than just continuing detachment from AD (she went NC and I had to accept it because I was so stressed and weak and sick...and so I take one minute/one step at a time), continuing stress and financial/emotional issues coming to light from the battles of the past 5 years and just needing to turn each thing...no matter how overwhelming it is over and just take my steps. I am grateful I finally overcame resistance to going to a f2f meeting...I am grateful it was the right group for me...I am grateful for my ESH book and I am grateful that I want to go tonight. Just for today, this is enough.

Hope you find peace there tonight, I have a feeling you will. Good luck.

Dear Irisgardens,
Just getting in your car and driving there...and walking into that first support meeting
I knew I wasn't alone.
I hope you enjoy and have a positive meeting.
Hugs and remember to breath...
TF

It was a good meeting...and I am glad I went...to share was good and brought up the sad and the powerless feelings but I was more or less able to leave them there with those wonderful people.

I am writing down what twofish is saying...remember to breath...I am so anxious and nervous these days since being let go from work...and trying to work my own recovery program and stay in the moment...today things got the best of me...but got some actions done in the week and dealt with working and doing those actions during the inside critic trying to shut me down. wish i knew something else to do but am just going through it and praying and reading and this particular Thursday meeting is good...and trying to just remember that God loves me as I struggle to do what I am supposed to do...and not always be lost in taking care of others. It really makes a difference in my energy level...taking care of myself or practicing self care as I know it...is really energy consuming. Tears are coming on some days which are good as I don't cry easily and so to cry is to be able to feel and to let some of the stuff captured in my body (can't really figure out what it is around--there is enough) leave in the form of good chemicals in the tears...at least I hope that is what is true.

irisgardens,

Your tears are not weakness---your tears are STRENGTH.

Your inside critic vs. God? I'll save you a few chapters;
that's not a battle...that's a slaughter.

Your courage to reach for the oxygen mask ("I WILL survive")
by going to an f2f meeting is my reason for the spoiler alert.

You do your part and know that God will do His, I know that and I promise you will find it true too. God's got our back, always.

Hugs

Sending you peace and lots of deep, calming breaths, Irisgardens! I am so glad you have started going to meetings. It is a great step towards serenity, no matter the troubles the world deals us.