Yogagurl

Hi all,

Just touching base, as I have been out of the loop a little bit. I have been busy getting settled into my new home and I can't recall the last time I was this happy. I have peace here. I cooked the first meal in my new home last night. The animals are pleased as punch to be here. The energy here is amazing. And I am safe.

I attempted no contact with my AH, but he managed to get through via my email. For those of you who have separated yourself from an addict, knowing you would never get back together, were you ever successful at communicating this? I feel this is a dumb question. I don't think he gets it. I'm not coming back. And he keeps on with the "I'll always love you, I'm going to get help, etc." but, at this point, I KNOW in my heart, I will never go back to him and have TOLD him this. It's like he doesn't understand English...

hopeful4

YG...glad you are in a safe and happy place.

As far as your AH, don't even answer. Eventually he will get it. He is grasping at straws. While he is in a panic about this, you don't have to be. If he gets help, great for him and his own future. That does not need to include you.

Stay strong and stay happy!!!

biminiblue

Can't you block his email?

I found he would contact me when high. I so don't care what you're thinking when you're high.

He probably doesn't even remember sending it. At least that was my experience.

Ann

As long as he can keep talking to you, especially with words like that, he feels there is still a chance that you will cave and see things his way.

I can hear the happiness in your voice, don't give that up for anyone. You worked hard to get to where you are today and even better days are ahead.

Hugs

zoso77

YG...create a filter so that any email from your husband goes into the trash.

Yogagurl

Thank you for the comments. Yes, I understand I need to send his emails to spam. It's getting easier, day by day, to have less and less contact with him. Man, the healing is going to take a while for this one.

I am in a perfect place to move forward and have a couple of really good, positive friends to get me through this. I could not ask for a better blessing than for the ability to live on my own and one person who I can lean on to vent. That is truly all I need right now, I believe. And therapy. Lots and lots of therapy

Yogagurl

Well, I was all good with "no contact," filtered my AH's texts into trash, and was moving along just fine for a few weeks. I finally got to point where I thought, "Hey, you can do this. You can speak to him without caving, without the heart wrenching feeling of leaving him alone and abandoned, etc." So, I'm well. I'm strong and I'm grounded and I rarely even think of him. We still have those financial ties and still have the dog. So, I'm thinking, OK, I got this. I can have a normal conversation with the man to discuss the phone bill, insurance, whatever.

He starts in on "Let's go to church, let's go hiking, let's go to the gym." He wants to "hang out." Here's the thing: I don't love him anymore. That's the bottom line. He's in denial and keeps saying, "I know deep down you still love me, I know we can work this out, you have my last name, etc. etc. etc." I believe that he is in denial the relationship is over. That's all I can figure. I have been very clear that there is no chance of salvaging the relationship and getting back together.

Do they ever accept it?

ladyscribbler

Do they ever accept it?

Yes, eventually. Then your head will spin with how fast they move your replacement in. Part of their disease is needing a caretaker. It's not personal, though it stings a bit when someone flips immediately from not being able to live without you to finding their new "soul mate", which is just code for "enabler."

jjj111

YG, in my experience there really is a lot of merit to the analogy between an addict and their drugs on the one hand and a boyfriend/girlfriend and their addict on the other. I guess what I'm trying to say is that these things take time. If he told you right now that he has been sober for a week but he thinks maybe he could just go talk to crack real fast, you would have your doubts, right? I guess I'm just saying...I'd proceed with caution here. Detaching from him might take longer than you hope. Sometimes when we get over-confident in early recovery, it can lead to a big, fat relapse. Good luck!

zoso77

I don't see how this is your problem, YG...

hopeful4

He will accept it when you say what you mean, and your actions prove it to him. It may take a while. That's ok. Stay firm and move forward, without him.

XXX

Yogagurl

I love my SR family. Thank you all for your support and responding to me. I have healed tremendously from the support I have received on this forum and would not have had the strength to move on if I didn't have the wisdom of all I have virtually met on this forum.

((((HUGS)))) to all!

irisgardens

Sending warm wishes and love your way...you are taking and holding to such strong steps.